Are parental rights an issue in your relationship? Should I give my fiancé parental rights over my son? Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to give parental rights to my fiancé? How should I handle a request for parental rights from my fiancé? Considering my past experiences, what are some potential consequences of giving my fiancé parental rights over my son? #ParentalRights #RelationshipIssues #AmITheAsshole #CoParenting #FamilyDynamics
>She’s claiming that she wants parental rights over my first son which is a great gesture
It’s not a great gesture, it’s a power play. She thinks if she gets both kids in her power she can control you completely. You just need to fight for your children and get away from this woman. And lay off the relationships until your kids are older. You don’t know how to pick ’em.
>things seem to get rocky now and again and when they do she gets spiteful saying she wants to leave and take our baby with her so I don’t see him
What the fuck?
Surely you mean EX fiancée, right? Because this is 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Why are you with a woman who uses your son as a weapon against you? That’s psychotic behavior. Do not give her any parental rights over your child.
Yikes.
NTA
And your picker is off. I would find a lawyer to establish your parental rights with your infant and then start separating from this woman. She uses her children as pawns and that is lower than low. I don’t care if she is immature, or not, if you cave to her, she will continue the behavior.
Then? Go to therapy and find out why you’re attracting the kind of people you’re attracting.
NTA
You seem to have a type sir. The cray cray’s
The current fiance sounds like she is going to be an absolute joy when the two of you split up. Not going to try and get full custody or domiciliary custody at all. Nothing to worry about there. No sir not at all. /s
Like for real, you’ve more than likely set yourself up for a nasty custody battle with the 7 month old down the line.
Also, bro…pull out game needs to get better.
NTA But why are you marrying this woman? This is so toxic.
>She’s claiming that she wants parental rights over my first son which is a great gesture but things seem to get rocky now and again and when they do she gets spiteful saying she wants to leave and take our baby with her so I don’t see him.
Red fucking flag right there. Do not share the custody especially if you have other relatives/family who might take care of your son if something happens to you. Even if not, with these threats I’d rethink the whole relationship and definitely not give her parental rights/let her adopt; you don’t want her to use both kids as pawns/for emotional blackmail. Consider postponing marriage and sorting out shared custody for the baby instead. NTA. Keep being the the best dad you can be and take care of your kid(s).
You’re set to be married, which would automatically give her basic “parental rights”. All of which would terminate after a divorce. You officially “giving” parental rights would mean an adoption where upon a divorce she’d be treated as if she were the biological mother, and you’d have to go through the same custody shit you did before.
Do not do this. No sane stepparent asks for this. Someone specifically asking for the right to custody of you child in the event of a breakup (which is what this is) is a massive red flag. If *she* were committed to *you* she’d never ask for this because why would she need to? Unless she’s planning on divorcing and running off with the kids there’s no real *need* for her to adopt your kid.
There’s a reason so many stepparents do the whole adoption thing as a sweet gesture around the time the kid turns 17-18.
NTA. If you want to give her the biggest benefit of the doubt then make sure she understands that as a stepparent she will automatically have some parental rights, juuuuust in case she doesn’t understand and thinks she won’t be allowed to pick your kid up from school or something. If she’s worried about you son somehow going back to his bio mom in the event of your death, then make full sure you have legal recourse set up to ensure that doesn’t happen, and inform her of this. There are ways to set someone up as the new parent in the event of your death that don’t jeopardize your parental rights in a divorce.
But under no circumstances should you let this person adopt your child, nor should you sign any sort of provisional rights. Right now she gets automatic stepparent rights contingent on her relationship with you and nothing more. If she keeps pressing, you may seriously want to reconsider the relationship because it’s very suspicious.
NTA. I have been married for more than a decade. In all of the times I have argued with my husband I have never once threatened to take our kid away from him. This is abusive behavior from your wife. Don’t give her more power by giving her custody of your oldest son.
NTA. She would have to adopt your child first, right? Don’t let her. No matter what. Have a will made for guardianship of your child. If you want her as the guardian, fine. If you believe she wouldn’t keep in touch with your family and not let your son have time with your family make the guardianship go to one of your family members.
If she is threatening to take your bio child together she sure would take your oldest just to spite you.
NTA
>She’s pissed and says if I’m committed to her I’d give her parental custody now.
Dude, run. This is huge. This is her way of leaving, taking yours on, and asking for child support. This is fucking huge. DO. NOT. IGNORE. THIS.
NTA. Do not marry this person. Get parentage proven and documented and make sure you get at least 50/50. Documenting her threats to take the baby away is important, as she is a risk for parental abduction.
NTA. You do realize she is doing this for money right? She is hoping that if she leaves you & has joint custody of your son along with your new baby, she will get a nice piece of change for child support
NTA. Do not do it. Leave her ass and file for custody of the baby. Document everything she does and talk to a lawyer.
Already manipulating you over one kid, and you are debating giving her another one to use to manipulate you? Seriously?
NTA, obviously, for not giving this woman legal custodial rights over your child based on her behaviour.
But I have to tell you, as others have noted (and as someone old enough to be your own parent), I’m very concerned that you are remaining in a relationship and are engaged to be married to someone who behaves this way.
This is not normal, healthy behaviour, and I can guarantee that it won’t be a healthy marriage because she isn’t a safe person. You’ve been together for at least three years and are supposedly happy enough to be planning a life together, and yet she regularly threatens to use your shared child as a pawn against you when she is upset with you. That’s a hugely problematic thing. Even if she were furious with you, even if you deserved her anger for whatever you were fighting about (and I’m not saying you do), threatening to keep a child from their loving parent is abusive. Period.
Add to that the fact that she has some incredibly misandrist views about parenting (literally telling a single father that “a mother’s presence is more important than a father’s”, which is not only objectively untrue by any measurable standard, but deeply messed up and an ugly thing to say to someone who has parented his child alone), and she is not someone you can build a safe, supportive, meaningful life with. She is immature and cruel.
Please, don’t give her custodial rights, but also don’t marry this woman. She is not someone you want to be legally tied to.
Uh dude you need to not marry this woman and file a custody complaint with the court like 7 months ago. NTA.
Don’t do it. She has already threatened to take away your baby, don’t give her more power than what she already has. Maybe those are just empty threats, but I wouldn’t be willing to trust someone who feels comfortable to make those threats to begin with. If this is how she behaves when she’s angry, I would reconsider if she’s a good person to have around your children.
>Claiming a mothers presence is more important than a fathers.
No. A healthy parent is more important than an unstable and unreliable one. Penises and vaginas have nothing to do with it.
NTA
If she were committed to you, she wouldn’t make threats about leaving and taking your baby so you won’t see them. NTA but she is. You have every right to protect your parental rights to your son. If she outgrows saying such disgusting things, I would recommend doing so AFTER you are married.
NTA the second she used the threat of taking the children so you don’t see them in a fight is such a red flag unless you’re a piece of work. I would never give her parental rights after she said that, no way no how.
Please please please do not give this person any rights over your first kiddo. Red flags are waving all over the place. NTA
“a mother is more important” says the woman dating a man who has a child who was abandoned by his mother… NTA
NTA. If she’s threatening to take your baby together and leave, why would you ever give her custody of another child, or honestly, have any more children with her?
NTA. If she was a decent mother and committed to you, she wouldn’t be making threats about removing your infant son from your life. This is someone who appears to have no problem using children as pawn in an argument vs caring about their well-being. Most parents would never do this. Keep on protecting yourself and your children
NTA. And tell her, if she would be commited to you, she wouldn’t treat to take your baby away and for you to never see him again.
NTA. She’s obviously not committed to *you* if she’s regularly threatening to leave you and take the child you two have. Be careful!
I don’t know what state you’re in but in the ones I’m familiar with, a non bioparent only gets parental rights through adoption.
If I were you I’d end this relationship. It’s too bad you have another child in the middle of this. Do you not see what she’s doing when she threatens to take your child and leave? Do you think she will get any better or more reasonable in the future? There are lots of good people out there who will not use a child to blackmail you. If you want a partner, it might be a good idea to look for one who will treat you and your children better.
NTA. She threatens to take your infant from you, and then wants custodial rights to your other son?? Anyone who makes a ridiculous demand like this in the name of “proving” your commitment, is *not* trustworthy in the slightest. Can you spell r-e-d f-l-a-g???
“She’s claiming that she wants parental rights over my first son which is a great gesture but things seem to get rocky now and again and when they do she gets spiteful saying she wants to leave and take our baby with her so I don’t see him.”
…NO. DO NOT DO THAT. Based on the way she’s acting, it would be a FOOLISH decision if you let her ANYWHERE near your kid.
“she gets spiteful saying she wants to leave and take our baby with her so I don’t see him.”
Don’t you dare give this temperamental, toxic person parental rights to your child. You’re seemingly the only stable adult in your 5 year old’s life. NTA to say no.