## Is it okay to fall asleep while your girlfriend is talking about her relationship with her dad?
Are you wondering if you’re in the wrong for dozing off while your girlfriend was pouring her heart out about her relationship with her dad? Let’s delve into this situation and see if you were in the wrong or if it was just a simple case of exhaustion.
### The scenario:
Your girlfriend had a dinner party with some family friends where they discussed their relationships with their parents. While her friends had positive memories and feelings towards their dads, your girlfriend realized she couldn’t relate due to the strained relationship she has with her father. After the guests left, she called you to debrief the conversations and express her sadness over the disconnect she feels with her dad. It was late at night, around 3 AM, and you were struggling to stay awake as she spoke.
### Your side of the story:
You acknowledge that your girlfriend was in need of comfort and support during this vulnerable moment. However, you were genuinely falling asleep due to exhaustion, rather than disinterest or disregard for her feelings. When you felt yourself drifting off, you decided to bid her goodnight rather than providing the emotional support she was seeking.
### Evaluating the situation:
1. **Empathy and understanding:** It’s essential to recognize the emotional state your girlfriend was in while sharing her feelings about her relationship with her dad.
2. **Communication:** Did you communicate your fatigue and explain why you were unable to engage in the conversation further?
3. **Prioritizing self-care:** It’s crucial to acknowledge your own limits and know when you need to prioritize self-care, even in the midst of supporting a loved one.
### The verdict:
While falling asleep while your girlfriend was sharing her struggles may have seemed insensitive, it’s important to consider the circumstances surrounding the situation. You were physically exhausted, and it’s understandable that you couldn’t provide the level of support she needed at that moment. However, communicating your fatigue and proposing to continue the conversation at a more appropriate time could have been a more thoughtful approach.
### Final thoughts:
In relationships, it’s vital to strike a balance between being there for your partner and taking care of yourself. If you find yourself in a similar situation again, try to communicate openly and honestly with your girlfriend about your limitations. Empathy, understanding, and effective communication are key pillars in navigating complex emotional discussions.
## How to Handle Falling Asleep During Important Conversations
### 1. Communicate openly:
Let your partner know if you’re feeling tired or unable to fully engage in the conversation. Transparency is crucial in avoiding misunderstandings.
### 2. Propose an alternative time:
If you can’t provide the support needed in the moment, suggest continuing the conversation at a time when you’re more alert and focused.
### 3. Practice active listening:
When you are present in a conversation, make an effort to actively listen and engage with your partner’s thoughts and feelings. This helps create a sense of validation and support.
### 4. Prioritize self-care:
Recognize when you need to prioritize your own well-being, even in emotionally charged situations. Taking care of yourself enables you to be a more supportive partner in the long run.
By following these tips, you can navigate challenging conversations with empathy, understanding, and effective communication. Remember, relationships thrive on mutual respect, open dialogue, and genuine care for one another’s well-being.
YTA
I could kinda see it if you simply fell asleep by accident and then apologized. But if she clearly needs your consolation and you just go “sorry, I’m going to sleep, bye”, then it is an asshole behavior
NTA – you’re allowed to go to sleep at 3 AM. You are not responsible and don’t have to stay awake all night because your gf needs consolation at the moment. I get that she’s sad and you don’t want to invalidate her, which you don’t. You just tell her you’ll call her once you wake up and continue your conversation.
NTA. 3 AM is not a time for the consolation, there is a morning for this.
NTA- it’s weird to dump that huge pile of trauma onto you at 3am. She should’ve waited til the next day.
For the commenters- people come here to AITA because guilt and responsibility can be very nuanced. Asking if you’re the AH doesn’t mean you’re the AH.
He might feel guilty, but that doesn’t make him responsible.
She might feel hurt by what “he’s done,” but that doesn’t mean he’s guilty of anything.
Human emotions are tricky like that.
I once fell asleep on a guy while I was breaking up with him. It was 10pm. In my defence, my sofa was very comfortable.
I was an asshole, you are not. NTA.
INFO: how did you say it? Was it a “honey, I’d love to talk to you about it but I’m tired and I want to talk to you when I’m focused” or “I’m tired I’m going to bed, bye”. If its the latter, Y T A
People who want to ruminate over childhood trauma at dawn are not for me. NTA. I have no idea how you made it to 3am, tbh, and in general I think people who dump emotional trauma on people at sleepy time show a distinct lack of respect for the receiver’s mental health or awareness of boundaries. Unless it’s a traumatic event literally happening right this moment… save it for morning time.
ESH
Calling you at 3am was clearly not the best move here, although she probably wasn’t thinking straight but in her distressed state, but the way you ended the call could have been a bit more gentle.
“I’m so sorry, I’m falling asleep and I want to give you 100% of my full attention so I can help you through these feelings, can we talk in the morning?” Would’ve been better than “I’m falling asleep, goodnight.”
However, if you did say something more gentle than what you wrote, then NTA.
YTA. Just for the way you handled it. A quick I’m falling asleep, goodnight is very blunt and does feel like you don’t care. If you had maybe been a bit more open like.. hey, I’m sorry you’re feeling down, but it’s really late and I need to sleep. Can I call you in the morning to talk about it more.. maybe she wouldn’t have gotten so upset. I think it’s fair that you were tired at 3am and maybe it wasn’t the best time to talk about such a deep issue.
NTA. You can’t win.
She thinks you’re the ahole either way.
Either you:
stay and listen, then fall asleep while she’s talking. “You don’t care about me”
Say you’re too tired and go to sleep. “You don’t care about me”
Say you’re tired but try to listen anyway, be too tired to keep up. “You’re not even listening”
The only right thing you can do in her eyes is to magically stop being tired and make her feel better.
NTA. But she is also NTA. I understand that our brain has the weirdest reactions when we are sleepy, so I would understand if you were rude while falling asleep, but more important now is to go back to the topic and offer her some support. You are stuck on the petty issue when there is obviously a bigger picture here.
The way, you describe it here, absolutely YTA and I’m shocked that so many people are saying otherwise.
if somebody I care about is that deeply upset, I’ll do something to stay awake to listen to them. If for whatever reason I can’t be awake either it’s physically impossible for me to stay awake or I have something makes it important that I sleep, I’ll I let the person know that I can’t talk long and make a plan for when we can. I’ll also check in that they’re going to be OK and see if there’s someone else they want to talk to.
Well, at least you said goodnight. My boyfriend was talking to me on the phone late at night and I woke up the next morning with the phone beside me.
at night, people are their most vunerable. it makes sense she was like this at 3am. that doesn’t mean you should have to listen to it all at 3am if you’re tired though. NTA overall, but “i’m falling asleep, goodnight” is very blunt and i’d say it’s quite rude. you could’ve just said “i’m so sorry but could we continue another time as i’m really tired, love you goodnight” or something like that. still, NTA but it was a little insensitive.
NTA- I’ve never been able to stay awake after a certain point of tiredness, no matter how badly I want to or what I’m doing. This includes standing at a loud concert and driving, both places I’ve fallen asleep. I now pull over and take a 15 minute nap, bc my body won’t let me stay awake. I think she can be annoyed you fell asleep, but I know I can’t control that. Just apologize and set a time to talk again, because You’re really interested, just tired.
YTA for not at least saying “I’m sorry that must be so difficult, probably feels worse in the middle of the night. Why don’t you come over tomorrow and we’ll talk about it properly. I love you, goodnight.”
That way you get your sleep but her feelings are validated
NTA.
She was upset. I get why she needed consoling. But 3am is super late. If she’s still mad the next day, she’s the asshole.
NTA but make a point to bring up the subject so she knows you’re interested in how she’s processing it. The experience was a revelation to complicated feelings she has
NTA
0300, after dinner and conversation? She called to vent, then got upset because you were tired! At 0300? Wow! Some nerve on that GF.
NTA. Sleep is an involuntary universal health behavior. She may not realize how involuntary it actually is. If she really wants you to be able to listen, she needs to talk at a time that works better for you physiologically.
It was 3AM. If I were in her shoes I would not be upset. I would understand and pick up the conversation the next day.
NAH.
She felt vulnerable, sad, and wanted the comfort of her boyfriend. Her feelings are more intense at 3am.
Boyfriend was at a dinner party and exhausted. His feelings are more intense at 3am.
Compassion and empathy needed on both sides here.
Early days. I used to expect my BF to stay awake and listen to everything too, when I was 17. I felt like I had to do the same. 142 trillion years later, it’s time for bed. Byeeeeeee.
NTA. There’s a time and a place for these kinds of conversations.
Nta people saying you should of had more empathy but baby at 3 am I can barely form a complete sentence let alone be sensitive towards someone else’s emotions.
I have a feeling it’s more your delivery than the fact you fell asleep.