AITA: Should I have shared the money with my step-sister?
Hey there! 👋 So, let me tell you a little story. My parents divorced when I was just a little tot, around 5 years old. Fast forward a few years, my dad found love again and remarried. His new wife had a daughter around my age named Cora. Now, Cora and I, we get along okay, but we both can be quite a handful. Sharing has always been a struggle for me, especially since I didn’t have any siblings for a while. But I try my best to be kind and understanding, even though Cora can be a bit selfish at times.
Let’s talk money. My dad gives us each an allowance of 40-50 dollars every week, on top of some extra cash for school lunches and other necessities. I love cooking with my mom, who happens to be a chef, so I usually pack my own lunch instead of buying it at school. My dad still gives me some money for lunch, but it’s less than what Cora gets. I save up that extra cash for myself.
Now, here’s where the dilemma starts. Last weekend, our step-mom took us to a fair and we were given some spending money. I also brought some of my saved-up cash, just in case. Cora and I ended up buying similar things at the fair, but she ran out of money before getting everything she wanted. She asked me to lend her some money, but I refused because, well, it was my hard-earned cash.
Cora thought it was unfair of me to say no, especially since I save money by packing my lunch instead of buying it like she does. Our step-mom even offered to give Cora some extra money, but she wanted more than what was offered. Ultimately, she asked me for the money, promising to pay me back at home. But, I decided to say no, even when my step-mom insisted. This led to some tension between us, and now Cora and her friend are giving me a hard time about it.
So, here’s where I need your advice. What do you think? Was I wrong for not sharing my money with Cora? Should I have just let it go and avoided the drama? I’m starting to doubt my decision, and I could use some guidance on how to handle situations like this in the future.Let me break it down for you with some actionable steps:
Actionable Steps:
- Reflect on the Situation: Take some time to think about why you made the choice you did. Consider whether there was a better way to handle the situation.
- Communicate: Have a calm and honest conversation with your step-sister about your feelings and why you chose not to share the money.
- Seek Advice: Talk to a trusted adult, like your dad or step-mom, about what happened and get their perspective on the situation.
- Set Boundaries: Decide on how you want to handle similar situations in the future and establish clear boundaries with your step-sister.
Remember, it’s okay to stand up for yourself and set boundaries, but it’s also important to consider how your actions may affect your relationships. 💭✨
NTA. But this sounds a bit toxic. I understand why you said no because of the dynamics. But in a typical family think most siblings would be fine with the loan.
NTA, just let your dad know why you said no because I’m sure your step sister will tell them both a different story
NTA
As soon as you said no Cora should’ve accepted it and her mom shouldn’t have enabled her behavior further. Cora also could’ve used better judgment when spending her money. Also, nothing is wrong with packing lunch, and it’s probably much better than whatever you’d buy anyway. If they’re messing with you over this stand up for yourself, and maybe tell your dad as well?
Hmm I wouldn’t call you an AH but you were being petty. I know that feels good in the moment but in the end you’re really sinking to their level.
I think a lot of angry people start down that road on paths as unassuming as this one. It was perfectly reasonable for you to decline to give your step sister money with no realistic promise of being repaid. But once your stepmother intervened, you should have forked it over.
Life is too short to be resentful. Don’t let the behavior of others dictate your personality. You can’t control the type of person your step sister is, a selfish, careless bully. But you can control how you react to it.
NTA. My sister used to burn through her money while I saved mine, then she’d have fit when I was able to buy something nice. I was never shamed for not giving her my money, and it was a lesson she needed to learn. Your stepsister also needs to learn to save some of her money as well. Never lend money. It will cause more problems in the long run.
NTA this isn’t about money. So have a family meeting and tell them you’re sick of the unfair treatment. Tell Cora to start packing her own lunch or just being better with her money.
NTA bc Cora was calling you names when you wouldn’t give (!) her your money. I wouldn’t either. The only thing I think you should’ve done is tell your SM *why* you ‘still’ wouldn’t give her any money (bc Cora was calling you names!). That way it’s perfectly clear it wasn’t you being bratty, it was to not give in and reward Cora’s nasty treatment of you, which is an eminently reasonable response.
NTA
You’re not obligated to share your money with your step-sister, especially if you’ve been saving it for your own purposes
NTA.
Your stepmother is TA for trying to force you to give money to your step-sister. Your step-isster is TA for being a brat about the whole thign.
You did not owe your step-sister money. You did not owe your step-mother money. You did not owe your father money. You did not owe your mother money. You did not owe your friends money. You did not owe the fair money. You did not owe the world money.
You owe yourself money. You owed yourself respect. You owed yourself integrity.
You are NTA.
NTA
Sorry you are in this situation.
And well done for being sensible with your money.
Ask them if they would give YOU money had you ran out. Your dad’s version of fair is not working very well. NTA. You SHOULD get the same and you can buy your own ingredients (if not already) and have a nice independent experience.
NTA – bigger person really means door mat.
While it’s appreciated you try keep the peace for your dad, it means you’re also keeping the extent of her behaviour from him. I do think you should speak to your dad about this alone, because if her behaviour hasn’t improved by now, it won’t. Next thing she will want your college and wedding savings!
Also your step mom wasn’t gonna pay you back, because I bet she agrees with her daughter (probably jealous of your mom thing).
NTA. You already get less for lunch just to be fair to hee which doesn’t matter if u buy lunch or not u should get the same amount. He doesn’t give her less allowance. And the entitlement of her. I would tell your dad that if it doesn’t stop you won’t do anything for either of them anymore.
NTA. But unfortunately this isn’t going to be a fight you are going to win. Your dad’s definition of fairness is that you have money vs Cora’s doesn’t. It doesn’t matter Cora is spending it; its because you saved up money and therefore have more; wl be unfair to Cora.
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You said your mom is a chef ? Post your lunches , I’m interested in what she makes you lolol I always preferred home cooked meal over school lunch anyways ☺️
You are NTA. Cora is greedy and entitled af. Not only that, if “fairness” was really a concern, your stepmother would not only have re-paid you the $20 but also GIVEN you an extra $20 so that the amount you were both given would be the same. It sounds like Cora constantly tries to get more.
NTA. You being the bigger person has allowed Cora to learn she can get away with whining a bit and she’ll get what she wants. Cause you’ll give in and if not, your folks will. She’s now weaponized it and expects her ‘requests’ to be fulfilled. It’s why she felt so at ease to complain to her mom and why she has no problem bullying you (and I’m sure whatever her and her friends are doing is most likely bullying) in order to make you doubt yourself. Don’t. If you can, secretly get proof (record them, text her how you want her to stop and take screenshots of her response) and tell your dad.
And stop being the bigger person. And if your family tells you something, tell them that it’s Cora’s turn to be the bigger person. If not, how’s she’s supposed to learn? You’re only trying to help her mature into a better person, after all. The petty person in me would throw a comment about being more concerned about her attitude and how this will affect her in the long run than her own mother buuut I know that’s not feasible at your age.
Nope she could save her money up she didn’t it’s not on you to baby her
NTA if you can’t afford it you don’t get it. That’s what my mum taught me. She needs to learn how to save it she’s never going to survive adulthood. You are being smart and she’s not so just ignore her because eventually she’ll be an adult who can’t pay the bills unless someone helps her out or she marries a rich person and lives off them.
Nta people who name call you should not be rewarded with your money
NTA
NTA – unfortunately Cora sounds selfish AND spoilt. Step mum only had 20 which means she only had 20 to offer. She shouldn’t have offered up your money. It wasn’t hers to offer regardless of if she’d give it back to you at home or not.
The irony is Cora herself isn’t being fair. She just started dishing out words to try and manipulate you to giving in. The funny thing in such arguments that if someone starts calling you names or claims your not being fair it’s usually they themselves who’s aren’t being fair.
What are they doing to mess with you?
Nta, it was about the principal, not about the money . Also, you don’t ask for money and insult someone and you have every right to refuse
NTA, I would speak to your dad again about what’s happening now, Cora didn’t get her own way, and now her and her friends are bullying you. What a horrible girl she is.
As a kid i learned to save my monry- mainly because it i wanted a toy, most of the time i had to pay for it
My sisters wanted something? They got it.
By the time i was in middle school my sisters were already borrowing my money (note 1 is 6 years older, the other is my twin).
And by borrowing i mean begging me until they got our parents to make me give them the money. And then never paying me back.
I figured out the worth of a dollar by the time i was 10.
My sisters didnt find out the worth of a dollar until midway through college.
Even so, i still get asked to borrow money by parents and siblings (mainly due to always having cash on hand at all times)
Youve learned that lesson. She still hasnt
Why not give her a little push toward that lesson? Never lend her money. Ever.
Nta
As far as your sister goes, NTA. It’s your money and she had no right to demand that you give her some.
As far as your stepmother goes, YTA. She asked you to lend her $20 for a couple of hours and you said no because you didn’t like what she was going to do with the money. It’s not your decision what she does with her money and you should have shown her more respect. It isn’t like you were afraid of not being paid back. If you two were out someplace and you saw something that you really wanted to buy for yourself (that she thought it was stupid or a waste of money) but didn’t have enough cash on you, you would want her to show you the same respect, wouldn’t you?