“Should I Feel Guilty for Missing a Celebration for my Sister with Chronic Health Issues? #FamilyDynamics #SiblingRivalry #NeglectedFeelings
Does jealousy towards a beloved sister with chronic health issues lead to skipping important celebrations, and is it justified?”
NTA. OH HELL NAUR! It also wasn’t fair for you for your parents to skip something so important for you. If they love her so much, there’s probably nothing wrong if you suddenly get lost one day. They probably won’t be crying in apology. It’ll be something like a “Come home, you’re in big trouble!”
NTA, but your anger is misdirected.
It’s not your sister’s fault that your parents essentially forgot about you after she was born, it was your parent’s fault.
It should be them you’re angry with, not your sister.
NTA I also have parents who neglected one of their kids (me) and only loved/celebrated the kid they actually wanted. You have no obligation to continue this charade
Tough one, because it seems like your sister almost dying has your parents stuck in a trauma loop & seems to be an ongoing mental battle.
NTA, and I write that sadly. Your parents aren’t giving you much reason to keep contact with them as you age.
Do you have an overall good relationship with your sister? If so, I’d continue to show up for her with unconditional love & support. You say she loves & adores you and that makes me sad, because your parent’s behavior has resulted in your resentment of her.
But if that’s how your parents will continue to treat you, I’d just stiff arm them. Love your sister wholeheartedly & ditch your parents when you are able to. She is 12, so she hasn’t really been in control of much of this outcome.
Nta you parents will never change. Time to sit your sister down and explain what is going on. At her age she just follows the parents. She is old enough to understand. Explain hiw you have been treated. Give her examples. Tell her none of this is her fault but it does hurt you hiw you are treated.
NTA. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how difficult it has all been for you. Ask your parents…when is it allowed to be ‘about you’.
Oh honey, NTA. NTA at all.
Have you talked to your parents at all? Because they need to be told over and over and over that this is exactly how estrangement happens. You’re 16, I’m assuming that you’re thinking about what comes next for you: college, the military, trade school? You’re going to be gone soon. And if this keeps up, I certainly wouldn’t blame you for waiting to stay gone. Eventually, your sister is going to find out that she isn’t “special” and it’s gonna suck for her. And there will be no one to blame but your parents.
And whatever *you* have done, this internet mom is proud of you. Just don’t let the resentment eat you up and run your life.
NTA. Congratulations on your art award! Have you thought about talking to your aunt and uncle or a school counselor? You’ve tried with your parents, so maybe they’ll listen to an adult?
As someone else said, your parents are the ones to be mad at. They’re the ones that have taught your sister to behave that way, just like they’ve taught you to resent your sister. It’s their fault you don’t have a better relationship.
NTA. They will be bitten very hard because of this shitty favoritism.
NTA. Congrats on the art award. I hope you’ll get your drivers license soon and start making plans for your future, college, moving out, etc.
Doesn’t your extended family notice this disparity between you? Or do they all come to worship at the throne of Little Sister’s Specialness?
She’s going to be awful soon, more so than she is already. Your parents have done her no favors by talking her up so much that she bags about how special she is. NTA. I celebrate you.
NTA. A very shitty situation to experience for your whole life. I can understand why you have grown to resent your sister, but she doesn’t get to choose how she is treated/favored. She’s still quite young, so it might be hard for her to understand your viewpoints, but she will never be able to if you don’t share them with her. It seems like you have been doing a good job dealing with everything, especially since you are quite young yourself. But I would definitely recommend redirecting your anger from your sister to your parents. They are adults who should be able to have a conversation with you and listen to what you’re saying and try to understand your point of view. There’s no reason they should ground you for not going to the party they threw instead of talking with you about it. It does not seem like they view you as a person who has their own experiences and perception of the world, as every individual does. If you are able to, I would recommend trying to talk to your parents. Tell them how you feel (as calmly as possible, and be willing to converse with them instead of just dumping all your feelings out) and hopefully they will be mature enough to listen to your perspective and ask questions to gain clarity. Maybe before this talk you could think of ways you would like them to act to help fix things with you (if even possible at this point) to be able to tell them directly and specifically what they could do to help fix their relationship with you. Don’t be afraid to tell them how they hurt you with their actions, and how you feel forgotten and unimportant with how they treat you in comparison to your sister. Hopefully they will listen and try to fix things with you if you approach them in a mature way vs an emotional way. If they don’t, I encourage you to not feel obligated to continue a relationship with them as you become an adult. You don’t owe anyone anything, even if they’re your parents. I also hope as your sister grows older she will be able to understand how her existence has affected your relationship with your parents and your relationship with her does not become bitter from something she cannot control. Don’t forget she does control her response to you telling her about your experiences, but she has not chosen how your parents treat you, and she probably is not aware of the gravity of the situation currently. Good luck!
NTA! They should have let you stay with your aunt and uncle if they weren’t going to be parents to you and only loved your sister.
NTA. Your parents sound horrible. It’s awful to be overlooked and I applaud all of your successes they were too distracted to celebrate.
NTA, but it’s time to sit her down and explain how you have been left out and not celebrated.
**BUT you also need to explain to her about how talking about how sick she has been and how special she is causing problems for her and it will keep her from making and keeping friends. Use the birthday parties as examples.**
It’s Not her fault but she needs to be told the truth kindly and directly. She may be clinging to you due to lack of friends her age, and your parents are not setting her up for success.
Weird. I just had a comment removed from this string…I did not comment on this string. Hmm…
NTA. And show that post your parents. Make them read through all the comments calling them AHs for neglecting you your entire childhood.
NTA. Tell your parents you want to go to family counciling and tell them all the reasons why, basically everything in this post. You can also talk to your sister as a lot of other commentors are recommending, but as you even pointed out in your post, it’s not her fault. You need to hash this out with your parents, and they need to understand their part in all this.
NTA. Consider reaching out to other adults in your life, like your aunt and uncle, a teacher, a school councillor or something similar. It might make a difference with your parents, and it might not, but it would do you some good to have some support from other adults when your parents aren’t stepping up. Congratulations on the award kiddo!
NTA, your parents are totally to blame here and it’s really sad that they haven’t figured it out. I do think you not only need to talk to your sister about how you are treated but talk to her about her behavior as well. She needs to know that people do not see her in the glowing light that your parents have shined on her. But do be prepared for her telling your parents.
But just think, only a couple of more years and you can go off to college and get away. Sorry they are treating you this way.
NTA I understand ur pain. It isn’t the same but my little brother gets so much attention and celebration and more things than I did. He’s also just allowed to do way more stuff than I did at my age. My parents would treat me like shit but he’s allowed to act like a dick to them and still be the golden boy. I understand what it’s like to have ur parents argue back when u try to say something about it. I’m sorry. It sucks. I’m 20 now and eventually you just accept it and it doesn’t hurt as much, even though I still get annoyed sometimes and have to bite my tongue. Just try not to grow resentment against ur sister bc it’s not her fault. Have an honest (and kind) conversation with her about how it’s hurts you that it’s always about her, and that she shouldn’t take over other peoples moments. Say it’s not her fault bc your parents are the one who taught her the behavior. She’s young. She wants a relationship with you. Start growing it.Then at least you’ll have ur sister and maybe she’ll celebrate you if ur parents wont
“Mom and dad – it’s not that I hate my sister…it’s that I hate YOU.”
NTA. You have every right to feel as you do. Your parents, of course, have no clue or understanding that they cannot force you to feel something you don’t. They are the cause of this disconnect between you all, and they don’t want to take responsibility for that!
Not only have they harmed you with their disinterest, they have harmed your sister by letting her believe that she is the center of the universe who deserves All The Attention, All The Time. People are not going to like her. She won’t be employable, she will be friendless, and if she ever finds love, it won’t last. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
I’m sorry you are being treated this way. You deserved better. You deserved parents who loved you.