“Should I Have Spoken Up at My Aunt’s Wedding? #AITA #FamilyDrama
Background: Aunt’s Wedding and Family Dynamics
My aunt, who is like a mother to me, was getting married to Levi. Despite pretending in front of my aunt, Levi consistently disrespected and belittled me. He even threatened me to keep quiet about it. Feeling scared and conflicted, I finally spoke up at the wedding.
What Happened at the Wedding?
I publicly revealed Levi’s hurtful words, causing my aunt to leave the wedding and cancel the marriage.
Reactions and Confusion
Now, my dad thinks I was wrong for ruining the wedding and believes I should have handled things differently.
Discussion:
Was it right to speak up at the wedding or should I have stayed silent? How can I navigate this delicate family situation moving forward?
NTA. Good job. You saved her from the A. And you managed to serve him a big steaming hot dish of revenge.
Sooner would have been good but better late than never.
NTA, 1000 times NTA.
Please please ignore everyone else here saying otherwise. They’re holding you to an adult standard when you’re 14, confused, hurt, and in a difficult situtation where a grown man has been harrassing you AND threatening you not to tell. Your aunt is your safe space so his threats were designed to terrify you, and it worked. It’s completely understandable that you didn’t tell her earlier, even it if was the “right” thing to do so. He told you she wouldnt believe you and you’d lose her, which was enough to scare you into not talking. You didn’t talk because he threatened you and you were scared, which is completely okay and understandable. and NOT AT ALL YOUR FAULT.
Also, as for your dad or anyone else saying your the AH – only your Aunt gets to say, so if she’s not mad at you, you’re good! Literally nobody else’s opunion matters becuase it was her wedding! If this were me, I wouldn’t be mad either because ultimately you saved her from marrying someone she didn’t really know and who was hurting you. x
NTA Because at 14, you are still learning how to deal with that stuff. If you were an adult, it would be different.
Op was 14, I have known adults who were not able to handle something like this.
You people who keep saying Y T A are ridiculous. The OP is a kid who was harassed by an adult and ya’ll are saying OP should have spoken up much sooner. I doubt any of you here who are chastising them would have had the strength to say ANYTHING before or after the wedding. Just tell about the abuse when it is “convenient”, do you hear yourselves right now? At the end of the day a wedding is just an overpriced party.
no sarcasm at all, i just genuinely want to know if you’re a child because that is the only way this could possibly make sense
NTA. Levi faced the consequences of his own actions. I understand why you hesitated before. You’re just a kid who was bullied and terrified of a grown, mean man.
NTA
you should have said it earlier. But it was GOOD that you said it before they got married.
At 14 you have very little Life experience.NTA.
Can we agree that if this story is true, Levi is the AH and an absolute tool?
How old are you OP?
NTA
You’re a child, you were being emotionally abused and intimidated on the regular by a man who as far as you knew, your aunt loved more than anything and was planning to make her life partner. I can’t imagine how terrified and helpless you must have felt. In so many cases like this, where an abuser hides his true nature from other people, the victim isn’t believed by family and friends even if they are an adult. **You had every reason to think that no one would believe you**.
OP, I am old enough to be your mum (heck, probably your grandmother) and not only am I telling you that you are absolutely NTA, I’m also going to tell you that I’m incredibly proud of you. As a childhood abuse victim, I know how terrifying this must have been for you. I know that you didn’t say anything earlier because there was way too much risk . . . and I’m so impressed with how brave you were to still manage to stand up and pour your heart out, even knowing that it might make the adults in your life angry, and to say what this man was doing to you. You are brave and you should be proud of yourself.
Yes, the timing could have been better, but even your aunt, who is really the only one who matters, not only understood but told you she was glad you did it. And her opinion is the most important one here. You did good.
NTA you’re a child. The groom is the AH.
NTA
You’re a CHILD who was THREATENED repeatedly by an adult. A victim of abuse making an outcry statement, no matter where that outcry is made, is not an AH. It’s also very common for child victims to make outcry statements in high stress situations (such as gatherings, weddings, etc) because there’s added tension on top of having to see their abuser.
NTA. You saved your aunt from a lifetime of misery.
It also sounds like this happened before they exchanged vows? You said she no longer wants to marry him. Certainly there is a tradition of the minister asking something along the lines of, “If there is anyone who objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.” Seems that’s what you were doing!
Wait. Did you really stand up during the ceremony and object?? Did you do it when they asked if there were any objections?
I am sorry that Levi was such a shit to you and I understand why you were hurt and scared of losing your aunt.
But, YTA for not telling her sooner and in private. Your dad is right. Please apologize to your aunt for *how* you told her this deeply upsetting information that had a huge impact on *her* life. She deserved dignity and respect and you did not give her that in how you communicated this distressing information.
NTA you’re 14 and this situation is huge. Your dad is being a real ass
NTA. The timing was bad but I understand the desperation. It was then or never.
If ever in a situation like that, record and tell. Tell everyone.
*Everyone commenting needs to remember that OP is only 14*.
OP is scared of Levi. She’s scared of losing her aunt. She’s scared of doing the wrong thing. & she clearly worked herself up into an anxiety ridden mess trying to figure it all out on her own.
Obviously, OP should have said something BEFORE the wedding. I hope she knows that now. Her dad is also to blame, bc if he was a sympathetic, trustworthy, engaged, kind parent she would have felt safe enough to talk to him about it & this could have been avoided.
OP, I’m really uncomfortable calling Y T A in this case. You’re young & you’ve made a mistake, but I don’t think it was intentionally malicious or anything like that. Also, you’ve saved your aunt from a terrible marriage. I’ll say ESH bc you should have said something sooner, your dad is useless, & Levi is awful.
NTA, I bet it took a lot of guts and you saved your aunt from getting married to a bully. It may have been embarrassing for her but you’ve saved her a lifetime of pain.
YTA if he said stuff like that so consistently you could have recorded it and shared that with your aunt you did this in the way guaranteed to embarrass and hurt her the most
NTA
There were probably better ways to handle it, but you’re a kid and this guy was abusive towards you and threatening you. You also did something about it before there was no going back for your aunt, you saved her a lot of money and heartache, I’m sure. Rest easy, your aunt is on your side and she’s the only one whose opinion matters.
NTA. Should you have done it earlier? Yes, but you didn’t. You’re young and stuff like that is hard.
NTA
You are just a kid. You were bullied and verbally abused by an adult. I don’t blame you for not knowing exactly how to navigate this.
NTA
NTA. Would it be better to say something sooner? Yes. But it’s a clear case of “better late than never.”
NTA (the response is entirely appropriate with a 14 year old’s response) You did a very brave thing and I am very glad you did it before they were actually married. Well done and many adults lack that courage. Your aunt did it becuase Levi is an awful human. That’s not on you.
NTA. But your dad needs to learn a harsh lesson. BTW: Ignore the victim shamers.
NTA. Give the kid a break. Im wondering about the examples that were set for her by mom & dad. Yes, you screwed up…off the guest list for future weddings for certain until you grow up. Try using big girl words and big girl panties next time. Hard to admit when you’ve behaved so thoughtlessly about people you love. Good lesson for you. Everone got to see you in full selfish mode. Good job, little one (not)
You should edit the post to add your age.
I’m glad you finally told her, and I understand why you were scared. You were brave for a 14yo. Ideally you should have told her before, or told your dad and let him tell her.
But i get that you were scared, and he threatened you. Hope she is okay, and that you two are still close.
This is a weird one where you’re both an AH and not an AH. The timing was absolutely horrendous, but you prevented her from marrying someone she does not want to be with. I don’t know how old you are, but if you are ever in such a situation such as this again, SPEAK UP.
No you did nothing wrong. He put you in that position and he has no one else to blame.
Your father is also wrong for defending what was done to you and criticizing your reaction to it.
NTA and I hope your aunt has your back still.
NTA. You are brave and true! I was going to tell you to record him, but what you did was much braver. You helped your aunt dodge a bullet. You are definitely NTA and I hope your aunt will tell your dad that.
Edit to add that Levi is the one that ruined the wedding, by his actions, not you.
NTA
I can’t believe all the people saying you are. You’re 14, and you were threatened by a grownup. I’m sorry you felt that you couldn’t speak up sooner, but I’m proud of you for speaking up. I know that’s very hard to do.
A lot of abusers threaten kids into silence.
I’m proud of you for managing to speak up. Maybe you should have found a better (earlier) moment to speak, but you actually said something, and that’s the most important part.
Well done.
oh hon, I am so sorry you went through this. It definitely would have been better to talk with your aunt about this earlier but I don’t think you were the AH to say it then. I guess because you are 14, I am cutting you a break.
The thing is, your aunt needed that information to make an informed decision. Now she has it.
NTA