#Parenting #SummerSports #ChildsWishes #CoParenting #FamilyFirst
Are you facing a dilemma about whether or not to make your child participate in summer sports? 🤔 Do you feel torn between honoring your child’s wishes and fulfilling a commitment made earlier in the year? You’re not alone! Many parents struggle with this issue, especially when co-parenting with an ex-spouse.
## The Problem:
My ex-wife signed up our 10-year-old son for baseball during the summer, even though he is not competitive or interested in sports. He flat out refuses to attend games or practices when he is in my custody. He insists that he never wanted to participate in the first place, despite what his mother claims. This puts me in a tough spot, as I don’t want to force my son into something he clearly dislikes. However, I also want to honor the commitment that was made at the beginning of the year.
### Practical Solutions:
Here are some practical solutions that can help you navigate this tricky situation with your child:
1. Communicate Openly:
Talk to your ex-wife about your son’s reluctance to participate in summer sports. Discuss your concerns and find a compromise that works for everyone involved. It’s essential to maintain open and honest communication to ensure your child’s well-being.
2. Consider Your Child’s Wishes:
Listen to your son’s feelings and preferences regarding summer sports. Respect his autonomy and consider his happiness and emotional well-being above all else. It’s crucial to prioritize your child’s wishes and interests, even if it means deviating from initial commitments.
3. Explore Alternative Activities:
Instead of traditional sports, explore alternative activities that cater to your child’s interests and talents. Encourage him to pursue hobbies or extracurricular activities that bring him joy and fulfillment. By supporting his passions, you can foster a positive and nurturing environment for your child.
4. Seek Professional Guidance:
If the situation becomes too challenging to handle on your own, consider seeking the guidance of a family therapist or counselor. Professional support can provide valuable insights and strategies for co-parenting effectively and addressing your child’s needs.
Final Thoughts:
In conclusion, it’s crucial to prioritize your child’s happiness and well-being above all else. By listening to your son’s wishes and respecting his autonomy, you can create a positive and supportive environment for him to thrive. Remember, you are not alone in facing parenting challenges, and seeking help and guidance when needed is a sign of strength and love. Trust your instincts as a parent and always put your child’s needs first. 💖
So, are you AITA for listening to your son’s wishes and not making him play summer sports? Absolutely not! Your child’s happiness and emotional well-being should always come first. Let’s create a nurturing and supportive environment for our children to grow and flourish. 🌟
NTA. Don’t make your kid go if he hates it and don’t let it cut into your quality time.
NTA. Listen to him
NTA. My step-kids hated sports and didn’t want to play. Their mom signed them up anyway. So on my husbands weeks, he didn’t make them go. We had better ways to spend our summers.
If the alternative is nothing, then it’s not a bad idea to have him go. Kids usually need something.
For my kids, I started them very young with soccer because you get to run & don’t have to stand around like baseball. They were welcome to switch away to other things, but they needed a specific idea before quitting. That worked for us. Only one kid stayed in soccer, the others found interests music.
I suggest that instead of thinking about whether to go to baseball, think about what he does want to do. If there’s no other interest, then have him continue up until he does have an idea. Piano. Swimming. Robotics club. Boy scouts. Whatever. But being active with other kids & adults brings many benefits that hanging at home does not.
This is not to say that more is better. Having something is different than having something to fill every day and every hour.
NTA as long as it’s his decision and you don’t influence him, making kids play a sport they don’t want to is ridiculous
NTA He’s going to resent her for it later. If he’s really saying yes to her but no to you chances are he’s trying to appease her.
Agreeing is easier than fighting with a hell bent parent. Good on you for being his voice in this case.
NTA. He didn’t make the commitment, so there’s nothing worth honoring here. I don’t know why his mom insists on lying about this when your son couldn’t be more obvious about his stance on the matter of playing sports.
NTA. But I’d tell him that he should play out this season because its been committed to already but that you won’t agree with his mom to sign up for anything after unless he tells you directly that he wants to.
My son wanted to play but in the last season he decided mid way through the season he was bored and didn’t want to play any longer, I made him finish it because it was mid season and too late to get new players but I certainly it didn’t make him play in future seasons. He had to have some activities but it didn’t have to be baseball or an organized team sport. I think physical activity is important but there are ways to do that without organized sports. I found other things, he always loved soccer and football, but also took up cycling and hiking. Don’t make him do something he hates and ex spouse should listed to the son and find something they can do together and so can you.
NTA. Your son is old enough to know what he does and doesn’t like. Had anyone asked him about what *he* wants to do for the summer?
Has anyone asked him why he doesn’t like going to baseball? I’m speculating here, but considering how extreme his reaction is, I’m guessing that he is being bullied pretty bad at practice.
NTA. It’s important to engage with your child in activities they truly enjoy. Children shouldn’t be held to the same standards as adults when it comes to honoring commitments, given that they are still exploring their likes, dislikes, and making mistakes. In cases where a commitment is short-term, like agreeing to something for an hour or a night, the situation might be different. However, expecting a child to commit to a team sport for an entire season can be challenging if they’re not interested. The more time your child spends on an activity like baseball that doesn’t spark their interest, the less time they have to discover what they’re truly passionate about. As a parent, your role is to help them find and nurture their passions, providing encouragement and support along the way.
NTA
Some kids just aren’t into sports or like the sport but don’t like the competition of said sport.
Nothing wrong with that. Who knows your kid may be into science or robotics club. You can find something that replaces sports.
Honestly, I never understood forcing your kid to play a sport. Yes, being active is great but they can ride a bike or go hiking.
Sit down with your ex and your son and hash it out.
NTA. If he doesn’t want to do it, forcing him to well do nothing but build resentment.
It’s not “honoring his commitment”, it’s bowing to pressure from his mother. No. He’s old enough to know what he wants to do. Let him choose something, enroll in it, and then do the commitment talk. If he wants to go to computer camp, or play chess, or take an art class, that’s the thing he should do. If mom already paid $$$, do your kid a favor and reimburse her for it. But don’t force him into a decision that wasn’t really his.
NTA. My parents forced me into sports at a young age and I resented them for a long time because of that. It caused me to hate any form of physical activity for a long time
NTA. It is a pointless exercise for kids to undertake activities they do not want to do. This is often the case with being forced to play sports.
Y’all need an unbiased therapist to deal with this situation.
He said/she saids just don’t work out
Not sure where, but my parents had this idea that we had to pick 3 things: something that made us move, something creative, and something intellectually challenging. So it could be swimming, painting, and reading a hard book in the summer, OR soccer, choir, and working on a language — they didn’t care, and we didn’t have to do well, we just had to try it. Even if it was just embroidery at home. And you could change it up year to year. So we didn’t become Wayne Gretzky but we had fun and learned lots of life skills. Ask your kid how he wants to move, what brings him joy, maybe do some outdoor activities with him or friends like geo-caching or frisbee…. all those things would be good parenting in most peoples’ opinions, but most importantly, your kid’s.
NTA I was once in an almost similar situation with a friend’s kid who I watched after school.
She signed him up for soccer but I was expected to take him to practice which was almost almost 40 minutes from my house. Whenever it was time to go he would tell me he didn’t want to and when we got there 9/10 after about half hour he would tell me he didn’t feel good and wanted to leave.
After this happened a few weeks I flat out told his mom I wasn’t going to do it anymore because he seemed so miserable and I was just wasting gas (she was not compensating me for any of this). He seemed so grateful that I wasn’t forcing him to go to practice anymore on the nights I watched him (she in the other hand was not pleased, but oh well).
Let him know if he’s saying now he doesn’t want to play he won’t be able to go back
NTA.
The only way this would be selfish is if he wanted to play and you were refusing to let him.
Don’t make the kid play that doesn’t want to.
NTA. Maybe your kid isn’t a sports kid, and that’s okay. Maybe his mom needs to learn that
NTA but I do want to offer a possible defense to your ex.
For three years, my son Aiden begged, begged, begged to play soccer. And every season, he would cry, scream, and refuse to play 50% of the time. It was a nightmare. So last spring, when he begged, I said no, absolutely not.
My other kid played baseball that spring and Aiden told everyone how mean I was and how much I favored my other kid because *he* got to play his sport but Aiden didn’t. So I signed up Aiden for fall league.
Now, in Aiden’s defense, he only complained about going to 25% of the games that season. However, he asked to sit out. The coach apologized to me because Aiden was below the league mandate for playing time.
Anyway, the point is that maybe it sounds fun occasionally but sometimes it doesn’t. Your ex may not be lying or living vicariously through your kid. Your kid is maybe just a bit fickle because like Aiden, he’s a little boy.
This screws up the whole team when he shows up only once in a while. Unfair to everyone. He has to understand the concept of other people depending on him. Prepares him for joining the work force. Don’t encourage him to be a quitter.
NTA
Absolutely do not let his mother sign him up for summer sports, contact the program if you have to. There is absolutely no reason he should be dedicating so much of his summer to activities that he hates.
I do think he should consider pushing through til the end of the current season. If it’s a team sport, his absence doesn’t just affect him. After that though, it’s your job to make sure he’s not signed up for next season, or any other sports program.
One more thing, if the ex insists on enrolling him in some sort of structured summer program, see if there’s a local day camp / summer program that caters to your son’s favorite hobby / activity. Something he enjoys and is passionate about that can take the place of sports.
NTA but you should likely try to talk to the coach and actually take him off the team because just not showing up to games and practices is bad for the team itself and it’d be better to quit than to just not show up half the time.
NTA
Your ex refuses to listen to her kid and instead pushes her wants on to him.
I get wanting your kid to be active but that doesn’t have to correlate to sports. Almost all of my kids hate sports. So they’re told to go outside and play. The eldest who’s “too old to play” goes on daily walks. There’s plenty of activity without forcing competition into it. Some kids just like quieter hobbies.
Listen to your kid. If she wants to waste money during her custody time and make her kid resentful of her, that’s on her.
NTA. I was that kid and I hated every minute of being forced to play baseball. I wish my parents had put me into activities I actually wanted to try. Please listen to your kid.
You, your son and his mom need to go to counseling together and talk about this. The counselor may be able to help him feel more empowered to say what he really feels. He may be playing into what each of you want. He wants to make mom happy by doing a sport. He may want to stay home with you, because either he doesn’t see you enough or truly doesn’t like sports. You paying for half of his sport that he doesn’t go to sucks and that may need to be modified.
Does Mom just want him to be doing something physical, so he isn’t a couch potato? See if there are other activities that he can participate in that he actually likes.
NTA
Your ex does not accept your input for her custody time, why would you accept hers for your custody time?
Do what your son wants, let HIM decide, but protect him towards your ex by making it “I decided” so she does not blame him.
“or should I make him go to honor his commitment” .. where do you see HIS committment? His mom forced him to go.