#RelationshipIssues #Communication #Trust #Respect
Have you ever been in a situation where you questioned your partner’s actions and felt unsure about how to handle it? In a world where social media plays a significant role in our relationships, it’s not uncommon to face dilemmas that can shake the very foundation of your connection with your partner.
### Feeling uneasy about your girlfriend’s actions ###
You, a 20-year-old man, have been dating your girlfriend, Sophie, for six months. Your relationship has been progressing slowly, without any sexual intimacy. However, when Sophie went on a trip with her friend Erin, she showed you a picture of them in lingerie. You expressed discomfort about her sending such a photo to another man, and Sophie was surprised by your reaction. She justified her actions by comparing it to a regular bikini picture on Instagram.
### Seeking a resolution and navigating through conflicts ###
As you ponder whether you are at fault for questioning Sophie’s actions, it’s essential to communicate your feelings openly and sincerely. In any relationship, trust and respect are vital components that lay the groundwork for a strong and healthy connection. Here are some practical solutions to address your concerns:
1. **Open and honest communication**: Express your feelings to Sophie in a calm and respectful manner. Share your perspective and listen to her point of view as well.
2. **Setting boundaries**: Clarify the boundaries that make you feel comfortable in the relationship. Discuss what is acceptable and what crosses the line for both of you.
3. **Resolving conflicts**: Find a middle ground where both of you can compromise and work towards a solution that respects each other’s feelings and values.
4. **Seeking clarity**: Reflect on your values, boundaries, and expectations in the relationship. Understand what matters most to you and communicate it effectively to Sophie.
### Conclusion ###
In conclusion, questioning your girlfriend’s actions does not make you the “asshole” but rather shows your investment in the relationship and your commitment to mutual respect and understanding. By addressing your concerns openly and honestly, you pave the way for growth and strengthen the bond you share with your partner. Remember, relationships require effort, compromise, and continuous communication to thrive. Good luck in resolving your dilemma with Sophie and navigating through conflicts together! 🌟💑🌹
Why didn’t you get a photo? Why only him?
NTA.
If anything.. Sophie said/did something even more telling…
She told you basically that it’s weird to be insecure over the photo, but not her hanging out for the weekend with a girl because she likes women too.
So if you felt uncomfortable with her taking that type of photo that her friends boyfriend received, you should be as uncomfortable that she was even taking photos or half clothed with this friend.
Obviously, trust is important. But we all have boundaries with trust. I’m in a relationship and I wouldn’t feel comfortable with my girlfriend taking a photo in lingerie for a friend’s significant other.
And these conversations go two ways
• your partner respects your boundaries/you guys find a common ground through communication. (there’s a difference with respecting boundaries, and being controlling)
• your partner refuses to respect your boundaries and it ruins your relationship.
As of now I see the latter. This should be a healthier conversation, and it seems that in this one you won’t “win” because she doesn’t think what she did was wrong. At this point she’s gaslighting you and manipulating you by blaming your insecurities instead of taking responsibility that something inappropriate she’s done has made you uncomfortable and crossed a boundary.
Bruh stop fooling yourself you know damn well what’s happening
No this is just weird honestly. Why were they both in a picture that got sent to just the one girl’s boyfriend? Totally understandable why that would make you uncomfortable.
This relationship is over, full stop. End of story, stop wasting your own time.
NTA you’re young don’t waste your time and your emotions on this and move on from this relationship
run brother. run.
NTA – but also your gf sounds incompatible with your comfort level. You need to find someone that is as restrictive about sex and intimacy as you are with it. That or you need to start getting much more laid back and getting experience in sex and physical intimacy.
As with most things, how she responds to you expressing a concern or boundary is usually more important than the boundary itself. If you feel like she invalidated your feelings, didn’t hear you out, and you don’t have a good strategy for reaching coming ground when you disagree, those are much bigger issues.
It’s so funny to me when people say that they’ve never fought with their spouse, as though that’s some kind of mark of a good relationship. Bro, all that means if you haven’t had any depth in your relationship yet.
NTA
I think your feelings are valid. And how come only Erin’s boyfriends got a picture? Like why didn’t you get a picture also
NTA. You should’ve received the pic too. Why tf did another man get it and you didn’t?
Boyfriend or not, what she did was weird.
Turnabout is fair play. Ask her to send the photo to you … since Erin’s BF gets it, so should you. Then consider making it your home screen wallpaper. I’m guessing she won’t care for that too much.
Ask for a photo of both for you and see how she reacts.
“She gave me a lot of calm arguments as to why my complains were wrong. Mostly about how the photo was not dirty and it was no different from a normal bikini picture”
—If it is so normal, then why would sending it be a joke or a gag? The comment about spending time with a friend is also a red herring. Finally, the asking to delete the photo means you hold the power doesn’t make sense. She can just say she has misgivings. It is true and doesn’t not need to give out details.
I’d let it go for now, but it seems like she is OK with being racy for others, but not you. It seems like it is time for you to make more initiative in the intimacy department and to be more prepared to meet women after this relationship runs its course.
I would get out now. You’re not the AH and I feel this woman is toying with you. She’s openly admitted she’s bi sexual. Maybe her and her friend were “together” over the weekend and sending a pic to the boyfriend to turn him on.
And then she invalidated your feelings and made you feel you were the problem.
NTA. it sounds like you are on different pages in terms of comfort with this kind of thing and sharing a photo like that. That’s okay! but you need to communicate about it. the biggest red flag here for me is actually the way she immediately pulled her phone away and tried to laugh it off – that tells me she knew you wouldn’t like it and now you’re being gaslit that it’s not a big deal. it’s probably best for you to end this now, learn from it, and make more good connections in the future
NTA- She had a bashful reaction to you seeing the photo. That means she KNOWS the implication it has. She won’t even show you without blushing, but has no issue showing other men? Also has no issue being dressed like that around other women- who she admitted, she’s also attracted to?
If you’re worried this may wreck your relationship, so instead, you stay quiet- do you think that’s fair on you? Do you think it’s fair to stay silent about how you feel about something because you’re worried how she might react? You’re already going to fail yourself, and the relationship is already doomed if that’s the case.
You have every right to ask that the objectively sexy picture be removed from her friend’s boyfriend’s phone. Lingerie is not a bikini. Clothes have meaning, no matter how much we tell ourselves they don’t.
She has to do that if she respects you at all… I think that shows solidarity with you- not weakness. You’d ask the same if it was any other kind of raunchy picture, and if he was a decent man, he’d at the very least crop her out of it and keep the half with his own girlfriend.
Just ask her how she’d feel if Erin sent a picture like that to you. Ask her why you didn’t receive the picture, too. I feel like her response will be telling…
Just quietly feels like she and Erin were sending a message to her boyfriend… a pretty suggestive one…
Ok hear yourself out. Your girlfriend whom you have had very limited physical contact with took a sexual photo with a woman, gave it to her boyfriend and told you you should be worried as much about the woman as the guy but don’t worry. I’d be worried. I’d also say she has no respect for you or your boundries, and she’s quite possibly gaslighting you. And for future references, ” it was a joke” is go to #1 for I’ve been caught. That one, or it’s not what you think, runs neck and neck
6 months and you havent seen her naked????
NTA
She literally nervously laughed and moved it away pretty quickly.
I would do something about this just as fast imo.
NTA but she definitely is… she’s gaslighting you bro.
No your not. That’s fucking mental. She shouldn’t be dressing up in lingerie for another guy bro.
NTA
YTA for tolerating this bullshit lol. dump this cheater.
No I don’t think so, if Erin wants to send lingerie photos to her bf it should be of just her not your gf aswell
NTA. Your feelings and boundaries are important and should be respected. Also, maybe I’m just getting old but I dont know how getting sent pictures of women in lingerie could be a joke.
Dude you’re in a friendship, nit a relationship. She will send sexy pics to someone else’s boyfriend but won’t do anything with you? Sorry, man, time to move on.
Edit: NTA
She’s for the streets.
She’s for the streets and she discreetly told you. Kick her to the curb
NTA
So your chick is also into women, and is with another woman (a close friend) and sending lingerie pics to her friends bf? What was the “joke”, that they’re gonna have a threesome together? Bc it sounds like that’s not entirely impossible lol not sayin it’s likely but if they’re already friends and she’s into both men and women then, you never know.
Anyways, it’s the fact that she didn’t send you a pic of them two as well as part of whatever “joke” it is.
NTA
“it would make her look weak”…….. OP’s GF can fk right off with that. She clearly doesn’t care about OPs feelings and all her arguments are insanely dumb.
Clothing has meaning. IMO due to the embarrassed reaction the GF knows this and is just lying to try and manipulate OP.
OP is allowed to be worried about whatever he likes. To worry about one thing you don’t have to worry about everything. Classic shifting the focus manipulation. Not at all relevant.
She DOES NOT care about the perceived power dynamics of your relationship. If she cared at all then OP would have been sent the picture too in order to make him not seem like a completely spineless sack of poo. So no, she does not care about her relationship appearing as anything better than poo. However, she does care about herself and not giving up ANY power whatsoever and keeping OP as low as possible. If she doubles down here it shows she doesn’t care about OP or his feelings at all in any way.
Delete the photos is a hill to die on.
You’re saying that you’re uncomfortable with the fact that your GIRLFRIEND sent a semi naked picture to ANOTHER MAN who’s in a RELATIONSHIP with her FRIEND?
Pick up your self respect since you’ve seemed to have dropped it, set boundaries, if she doesn’t respect them now she won’t respect them later.
She was more than willing to send a lingerie photo to another girls boyfriend but not her own, in fact got bashful when her own man saw it. That’s more than just weird, it’s suspicious. NTA
So your bi girl friend is taking sexy pics with her female friend for another man? Buddy, it sounds like you’re one of her three partners(at least).
NTA, and unless you would like a communal gf, it’s probably time to get tested for STDs and move on.
ETA: No test needed, as you’re the only one of the three (or more) she hasn’t been with.
NTA • There are a lot of good things being pointed out in this thread, so I will ask you to consider this: if you don’t stand firm on your boundaries, how will you feel? In a week, a month, a year?
You said you “don’t want to ruin [your relationship]” but that’s exactly what will happen if you minimize your feelings in favour of putting a bandaid on what will become an inevitable wound.
A conversation *may **end*** your relationship now, but no conversation will absolutely ruin your relationship later. You’re so young, and this will come with experience, but don’t put yourself in the position to compromise on or even ignore a red flag like this. 🚩
Man you really had to ask if you’re in the wrong for being upset at blatant disrespect from your partner?
Do yourself a favor and leave Sophie in the dust, she showed you a huge red flag so now it’s on you if you continue to ignore the signs
Does she know you are dating?
So she was afraid and embarrassed to show you, her boyfriend, a sexy pic of her but has no problem showing some other guy? You know what to do.
I’m a bit surprised at all of these comments. Everyone has a different threshold around this type of thing. One person’s racy is another person’s prudish. For me, it is hard to tell if you are being justifiably concerned about your GF’s judgment and fidelity or if there is a deeper problem in the relationship or if you are being possessive and jealous. I understand where your GF is coming from, as well – sounds like she is queer (at least bisexual from your description), but like so many men, you seem to be reacting more territorially when you feel threatened by another man. You didn’t sound threatened by her being with a female friend in lingerie. If it is because you can take your GF’s word that she and her female friend are just friends, then why can’t you take her word that the picture was just a joke? If it is because you don’t feel threatened by women, but you do feel threatened by another man, you need to own up to this being in part due to territorial behavior.
Either you trust your GF or you don’t. Either way, if you have only been dating 6 months, it is still very early on in the relationship and it sounds like the two of you need to have some real relationship talks. I understand you fear that continuing to bring up this incident may harm the relationship, but your feelings are important and if this relationship is worth having, it should be able to withstand a good, respectful relationship talk. I hope you can be open to how your GF perceives the situation, as well.
She herself pulled the phone away calling it a “dirty picture”. Showing she also feels it’s an inappropriate picture. But for me, the biggest red flag is her being worried about “looking weak” and “who runs the relationship”, because it shows she views a power dynamic instead of a partnership base in mutual respect of eachother. She doesn’t respect your boundaries and instead of validating your feelings, she tells you that you’re wrong. NTA but this already sounds like an unhealthy dynamic.
Bro, you’re not her boyfriend.
wake up and break up