#FamilyAbuse #HalfSister #ReachingOut #AbuseSurvivor
So, your half-sister, whom you’ve never met, has reached out to you on Instagram. This situation can understandably bring up a lot of mixed emotions and uncertainty, especially considering your traumatic past with your family. It’s a challenging situation, but it’s important to approach it with caution and self-care.
Here are some things to consider before deciding whether or not to respond to your half-sister:
**1. Prioritize Your Well-Being**
The most important thing to consider in this situation is your own well-being. It’s essential to protect your mental and emotional health, especially given your history of abuse. Take the time to reflect on how interacting with your half-sister might impact your mental health and set boundaries to ensure your safety.
**2. Communicate Boundaries Clearly**
If you do decide to respond to your half-sister, it’s crucial to communicate your boundaries clearly from the start. Let her know your past experiences and the reasons for your estrangement from the family. Set clear boundaries around what you are comfortable discussing and what topics are off-limits.
**3. Consider Seeking Support**
Navigating relationships with family members, especially those with a history of abuse, can be incredibly challenging. Consider seeking support from a therapist or a support group to help you process your feelings and make informed decisions about how to handle the situation with your half-sister.
**4. Evaluate Your Intentions**
Before responding to your half-sister, reflect on your intentions behind reaching out. Are you open to building a relationship with her despite the family history, or are you simply curious about her motives for contacting you? Understanding your own motivations can help you approach the situation with clarity and intention.
**5. Trust Your Instincts**
Ultimately, trust your instincts when deciding whether or not to respond to your half-sister. Your intuition is a powerful guide in navigating complex family dynamics, and it’s essential to listen to your gut feelings when making decisions about reconnecting with family members.
Advice based on Bhagavad Gita: In the Bhagavad Gita, Lord Krishna emphasizes the importance of discernment and duty in navigating challenging situations. He encourages individuals to act with clarity and purpose, guided by their inner wisdom and values. As you contemplate whether to respond to your half-sister, trust in your inner guidance and prioritize your well-being above all else.
Remember, your well-being is paramount in any decision you make regarding your family relationships. Take the time to reflect on what is best for you and honor your own boundaries and needs. If you do choose to respond to your half-sister, approach the conversation with self-compassion and a clear understanding of your own values and boundaries.
Ultimately, the decision to respond to your half-sister is yours to make, and it’s essential to prioritize your own well-being and safety above all else. Trust yourself and seek support from trusted individuals or professionals as needed. Remember, you deserve to set boundaries that prioritize your mental and emotional health, regardless of family dynamics.
Ignore it. Does a second time Block them. No good comes from reliving it
>Do I respond?
Only if *you* want to.
Yea why not, might be nice to have a family member
Why do you think she has not also been abused by your mother?
i say give it a shot – if she turns out to be shit then never talk to her again but if she’s great then maybe it’ll be nice to have a family member u can have a healthy relationship with. considering what youve been thru im sure thatd be especially good to have
She may have also been abused my your mother. If she isn’t looking to connect with you in an authentic capacity you can just block her.
Also wanted to say great job maintaining healthy boundaries with your family! That shit is really hard.
You can respond while still keeping your distance just to see what she wants. Then if the milk don’t taste right, you can go NC with her too.
This is tough. You’ve been burned so many times, I get the dilemma.
However, your half sister isn’t your mother or your other sister. She is a totally different person.
I say give her a chance. If she blows her chance, then block her and move on. However she might turn out to be awesome and nothing like your mother or sister.
Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and trust people. Just because a couple of people are shitheads doesn’t mean everyone around you are shitheads.
You seem hesitant. Either:
1) Don’t respond
Or
2) Tell her that you have moved on from the abuse and have no desire to connect with her mother’s family. Then block.
You can talk to her and decide to walk away if you want but the decision is yours.
I was abused (although fortunately for me not sexually, i guess my father was not that bad! Yay!) and would litrally offer myself as a shield for my siblings because it was my role (or so my dad would tell me). It qtarted around 4 years old. It takes some kind of crazy to punch a 4yo in the ribs imo.
When it would happen, i would get in the room where my father was getting riled up against my sibling, and tell them to leave, and i would then be alone against my dad and he would go at it. When i was 10 my dad got into a life threatening motorcycle crash, and was not able to physically abuse me efficiently after that, so the psychological abuse ramped up.
Although my siblings were there from the start of the abuse, they had no recollection. Tbh, i had no recollection until 15 of the physical abuse before my parents’ divorce. I left my dad’s house when i was 13 and stopped going there. My dad painted me to everybody as a crazy teen so that nobody would believe me. My maternal family believed me.
6 years ago i got deep into my depression. My brother told me i was drowning in a glass of water. That’s when i realized i had shielded my siblings so well that they didn’t remembrr the abuse. It broke me.
After a while i started telling things to my brother, because my brother was seeing my father being a POS and it would make him reminisce some parts of our childhood. Not a lot, just little things that happened when we were younger, when HE was the one abused, and i would swoop in to get beaten in his stead. And each time he would tell me how it’s incredible because he remembers what i’m talking about, yet a second before he didn’t not consciously know there was abuse. He started going to therapy.
Last year was the first time my brother sat me down and thanked me for protecting him. He told me “i know see how much you’ve protected me, and i see how much it has impacted me already having that father. I don’t think i would still be here if it weren’t for you. I don’t know how it’s possible that you are still standing. I’m sorry i didn’t protect you”.
Moral of the story : your sister may not know right now, may not believe, but she’s going to see her mom’s true colors one day, and the more she grows up, the more she’s going to realize what happened. If you are not strong enough yet to have a relationship with her without her acknowledging your mother’s abuse, then don’t respond, or just tell her that. But do not close the door on her for ever. We all evolve.
be cautious if you do respond to her. she might have also faced abusive from your mother, you’ll never know. then again, it is up to you. protect yourself first!!
Meet her no where near where you are
or
if you have an iPhone you can set up a face time with a link that doesn’t have your details. Also if you have an iPhone you can do a “hide my email” temp email and then if you don’t want to anymore you delete it and it’s not traceable and they cant get to you.
No don’t respond . You are right about going nc with your mom and her family . You need to forget that part until you heal . These are distractions on your healing journey
Only respond if it will make sense to YOU. If you don’t want to, just send her a quick message to close things.
As others have said, you do what feels right for YOU. This girl, although a 1/2 sibling, is still a stranger to you.
If you reach out, you have every right to set firm boundaries.
Do not respond. That’s the point of NC and LC; to give you space to heal. I’m sorry you endured so much from such an early age.
Respond only if it will help you heal.
Is she a flying monkey?
I grew up with a similar mess and i maintain a very very distanced and superficial relationship with my half sister. I can’t be bothered to argue with her about shit she knows nothing about and that she has a very distorted view of.
If you want to respond, then do so. If you choose to perhaps send her links to the articles about what your mother did to you. Make it clear that you DO NOT and WILL NEVER speak to or have a relationship with your mother. And you will go NC with her (half sister) if she tests the boundary. But again that is only if you CHOOSE too. You can also just block her with no response.
Trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings are telling you about whether to respond.
But do take into account that she may also have been abused by your mother throughout her childhood and may be contacting you in the hope of seeking either emotional support or access to alternative accomodation where your mother & her friends won’t be able to find her.
Ya
Nothing wrong with being cordial, as long as you set boundaries and make it clear she should expect nothing from you.
Do you want to do it? If yes, respond. Be clear about boundaries and set them early. If she disrespects them, cease contact.
If you don’t feel like dealing with any of it, you don’t have to and you’ll be none the worse for it.
You don’t owe your half sister a damn thing. The fact you’re struggling so much with this decision might mean that it isn’t the right time.
I would suggest talking to a therapist about this so they can help you navigate possible outcomes of communicating with this person.
You might never know her intentions or what has happened to her, and you’re the only one who decides if that’s okay for you.
Only if you feel safe doing so and want contact. There is no universe where DNA compels you to talk to anyone.
Personally I would, only because my bio father was a POS that I didn’t have the courage to break free from until I was 25; but honestly all of my half and even one step-sibling [that ironically enough im the closest to] who have reached out to me have been absolutely incredible except one (so 1 bad seed out of 6 isn’t too bad), and I absolutely love and am thrilled to have a relationship with those siblings…. It confuses my husband who only has 2 blood-siblings and literally no one in his family has ever divorced/had children out of wedlock/etc- but for me it’s family that I feel privileged to have. We were mostly all in the same unfortunate situations (though I’m 6 years older than than the next oldest and 16years older than the youngest), but I’ve created incredible bonds with 5 of the 6 of them and none of them they to get my bio-dad back in my life… Except one, ironocally enough tbe bio-kid he had who didnt learn about him till she was 19 and about 3l2 years after i cut him out] which is the one I also cut contact with, and even my siblings who still talk to her respect my decision and have never brought it up in over 8 years since I made that decision…
So I’d say give it a shot, the worst that can happen is you don’t get along and in that case just block her
Your sister is not your mother. I wouldn’t hold her accountable for the sins of your mother.
Be open to helping her out- it’s possible she’s trying to escape an abusive situation the way you had to as well.
Maybe she is reaching out because she also has been abused. You absolutely have the right to keep your boundaries, but your sister may need your help. I would hear her out at least once.
i’d probably send a link to the court case and let her read it on her own and nope out of that
I think for your sake and your half sister sake – you should just answer her kindly “that you were pleased to see that she wanted to be in contact – however for various reasons – if she are in contact with her mother and her familly – you are not ready to be in contact with her due to your history. Wish her all the best.”
You will feel good with yourself and she will be happy that she got a kind answer even though it was maybe not the answer she wantwd.
Respect to you for surviving!!!!
Oh my. I can’t imagine. I hope you have a good life now and found some peace. If you can cautiously respond without it causing you and your mental health harm then it’s worth thinking about but if for a moment you don’t feel good…stay away! And also if she has a similar situation as you did and she is looking for help, guide her to a therapist. You should not put yourself in that position to have to relive your past. You should not put yourself through any trauma by engaging with her. If she is indeed needing advice it should be from a therapist not someone who is trying to heal.
I had a half sister reach out once turns out she was born deaf. I chose not to respond
O my if she is also no contact with your mom. Period
Every day I wish I had never responded to my half sister’s fb msg 14 years ago when she found me… ended in so much bs with my bio dad.I was NC with every single person on my dads side almost all my life… for a multitude of reasons. From the age of 5 to 22 my bio father reached out ONCE and could barely remember my name, let alone spell it…
I ended up having to go full NC again almost 6 months later because there was no respect for my boundaries.