Is it wrong for me to tell my dad I’m 18 and he no longer has visitation rights?
### Background
– Parents divorced when I was 7
– Dad’s visits became less frequent over time
### Recent Situation
– Dad berated me for missing his wedding to be with my cat
– Argument led to shouting before I hung up
– Dad upset this morning, claimed visitation rights
– I reminded him I turned 18 six months ago
– Half-sister suggested I was too harsh and unhelpful
### Discussion
– Was I in the wrong for standing up for myself?
– How can I handle this situation with my dad moving forward?
– Should I prioritize my relationship with my dad over my own well-being and values?
#Family #Relationships #VisitationRights #18thBirthday #Divorce #CatLovers #ParentalResponsibilities #SiblingSupport #CommunicationSkills
NTA – Dad sounds like a piece of work. Your life comes first and I agree by wedding number 4 it’s not like it’s super special. Wild of him to assert visitation rights. He’s likely scared and pissed off because now you are an adult and you can just cut him off if you want to, and maybe you should.
NTA. While you could have picked a different day to put the cat down, it’s his fourth wedding. At some point you have done your duty.
INFO
> My little sister said I didn’t need to be so harsh to dad
Doesn’t he have the right to visit her, tho?
You feel how you feel and it sounds like you have reasons for those feelings, which means you don’t have to simply get over them or move on in order to make someone else happy. I’m sorry about your cat. 💔
NTA
NTA. He was told a week ahead, calling and yelling served zero purpose. If he won’t listen, then harsh words will be spoken.
NTA you don’t have to be nicer to him either, hell, you don’t have to talk to him at all ever if that’s your wish. I would absolutely be there for any of my cats before I would go to another of my father’s weddings, or his funeral for that matter.
it may not solve the issue (he is the issue imo) but it is a step in the right direction NTA
NTA.
You don’t have to engage with anyone you don’t want to.
NTA
So he didn’t have time to come see you, but he had time for 2 failed marriages, and now onto the 3rd since your parents divorced.
Hes made it blatantly clear where his priorities lie. Hes selfish, and being a “father” was an afterthought for him.
Im sorry you have such a crappy sperm donor.
Your sister may need some more time to realize this about him. Its harder to see the faults in your parents when you’re young.
NTA. Your father certainly is one though. Did he really not realize you are an adult? That you turned 18 months ago? What a waste of a father.
Condolences on losing your cat.
NTA. You need to compromise with your dad. Promise him that you will be there for his 5th wedding, come rain or shine.
NTA. Tell him you’ll make it to the next one.
You can always apologize and promise to be there for his 5th wedding.
NTA
You don’t have to have a relationship with him if you don’t want to, especially if he cannot bother to be there for you and support you emotionally,
NTA.
Dad only wants to bother with you when it’s important to or convenient for him. If he wants an actual relationship with you, he needs to make you more of a priority. Meaning putting in the effort.
So the dad that didn’t show up from you for 10 years is upset you can’t show up to his 4th wedding. He can kick rocks. Sorry about your cat.
NTA
NTA
Your cat is part of your family. You can’t exactly choose the date someone dies – with pets, you can choose but there’s still always a chance they won’t live that long.
Postponing it more wouldn’t be helpful.
Your dad is allowed to be disappointed but he’s behaving like an asshole.
I’m sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry your dad’s an asshole.
NTA. They say a second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. I’d argue a fourth marriage is cause for an intervention, not a celebration. Sorry about your cat
Well, half-sister is right, but is kind of missing the point since you aren’t going to “solve” the issues between you and your dad single-handedly. The guy seems to want it both ways, being not very present as a parent in the past but then demanding you are in his life the way he wants you to be now. You are correct in that you are now a legal adult and will decide for yourself how to include people in your life. I like how you are being firm on not letting him tell you who to be at this point.
This is likely going to be just one chapter in a whole book of painful experiences with your dad.
NTA
NTA. A midweek wedding ceremony? Is that common where you live? I’m sorry about you cat.
3 weddings in 11 years… At least he’s doing his part to keep the marriage rates up /s
NTA. Tell him you’ll make it to his 5th.
Nta. The cats been more consistent in your life than your own father. The cat deserves your attention more.
If your own parent can’t even prioritize you in their life and he consistent presence then there is absolutely no reason you should feel obligated to go
Some people are just not worth keeping in your life regardless of blood/legal relationship
NTA. I am sorry about your cat.
NTA. Relationships work when you put work into them, he didn’t with yours.
Your sis doesn’t seem to get that pointing out the truth isn’t harsh. If the truth lands heavy, he should ask himself why he was so far removed from it in the first place.
NTA. You’re an adult now. Although he may still be liable for child support until you finish school, you’re capable of making your own decisions as to where you live and who see. He does not have a right to demand that you attend a wedding when you have something like euthanasia planned for that day. I’m sorry you’re losing your friend. May her memory be a blessing.
It absolutely solved an issue, if the issue was not wanting to talk to someone who acts like a jerk. Besides, you can always catch wedding number 5.
Seriously, parents need to remember that they get the adult relationship they earned in childhood. You can’t be a d%ck to your children and expect them to start with a blank slate once they turn 18.
I’m sure that cat had been there for you all of the times your dad wasn’t. The fact that he doesn’t even remember you’re 18 is really sad.
Take care of your kitty and guide them across the Rainbow Bridge. Then take some time and really think about how you want to relate to your dad and even if you want to talk to him at all. Sometimes it’s better for us to evaluate those relationships and see if we want to keep them.
NTA. But holy frig that would have been hilarious exchange.
“I have visitation rights!”
“What rights, I’m 18! Your rights have been terminated.”
Your father needs to learn that his access to you is now limited to what is mutually agreeable between the two of you.
Sure it does. It lets your asshole father know not to treat you that way. She has her relationship with him and yours is yours. It’s none of her business. I’m terribly sorry about your cat. NTA
NTA. The fact that he didn’t realize he no longer has court ordered visitation rights to you because he forgot your 18th birthday is reason enough to miss his fourth wedding. He obviously only prioritizes himself. It doesn’t matter if you could have scheduled your cat’s vet appointment for another day; not that you should feel obligated to accommodate your “father.” The point is he barely even knows you. He’s got some nerve to attempt to make any demands of you.
I’m sorry for the loss of your cat. I know it is a pain beyond imagination. I hope your heart heals from the loss. I have a senior dog. I try to remind myself though her time with me is limited it has been my privilege to love her and be loved by her. I hope you remember that your cat felt your love, always.
NTA- I’m so sorry. We just had to do the same this week and it’s devastating. I wouldn’t miss being with my pet in that situation for the world.
NTA, and the line about his 2nd and 3rd weddings was savage.
I’m sorry about your cat. I’m glad you were able to be there with her.
NTA, in fact, I applaud you. Once you turned 18, you became an adult and can decide who you see and when you see him.I was a single Mom, and my son saw his father 5, maybe 6 times in 13 years. You deserved a father who loved unconditionally and showed up. You are worthy of love and happiness. When he calls you to berate you, be honest and frank with him. You are worthy of all good and happiness.
I’m so sorry about your cat. That’s one of the most painful things in the world, having to do that last “right thing” for a beloved pet.
NTA
(I can’t say anything about your dad without getting myself banned)