#familyissues #stepfamily #communication
Hey there, it sounds like you are dealing with a tough situation in your blended family. It’s not easy to navigate the dynamics of a blended family and it seems like there are a lot of complexities in your situation. Let’s talk about how you can approach this and whether or not you’re being unreasonable in your requests.
Here’s some advice and insights to consider:
Understanding the dynamics of blended families
The challenges and complexities of blended families
The importance of open communication and respect within a blended family
Your wife’s perspective
Her concerns and fears about the situation
The impact of previous relationships and hostility
The role of therapy in working through these issues
Your daughter’s well-being
The importance of maintaining relationships with her half-siblings and grandparents
The impact of being caught in the middle of family conflict
The role of open and honest communication with your daughter
Your role as a parent
Balancing the needs and desires of your wife, your daughter, and your extended family
The importance of advocating for your daughter’s relationships with her family members
The role of setting boundaries and expectations within your marriage
Next steps and considerations
The impact of attending couples therapy on the situation
Suggesting family therapy to work through the dynamics of your blended family
Exploring potential compromises and solutions to the current situation
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that every blended family is unique and comes with its own set of challenges. It’s not uncommon for disagreements and tensions to arise, especially when it comes to relationships with extended family members. However, it’s crucial to recognize the importance of maintaining relationships with all family members and the impact it can have on your daughter.
In your situation, it may be helpful to continue attending couples therapy and consider involving your daughter in family therapy to address the complexities of your blended family. It’s also important to have open and honest conversations with your wife about the importance of maintaining relationships with your extended family and the potential impact on your daughter’s well-being.
Remember, it’s okay to seek outside support and guidance when navigating the complexities of blended family dynamics. By working together and prioritizing the well-being of your daughter, you can find a resolution that is in the best interest of your family as a whole.
I hope this advice helps and I wish you all the best in navigating this challenging situation. Keep in mind that seeking professional support and guidance can be incredibly beneficial in working through the complexities of blended family dynamics. Good luck! 🌟
ESH (well, not the kids).
Your wife is very obviously a major AH. She’s completely out of line.
You allowed this to happen, so you don’t get a pass. You owe it to your kids to make sure this is made right – good luck.
ESH – why would you permit her rule of prohibiting your daughter from communicating with her half-siblings in the first place?
You absolutely need a divorce. I am deeply disappointed in you putting this woman over your kids.
EDIT: ESH
ESH. Yes your wife is TA, but I think it’s a bit more on you. Why have you passively stood by and allowed this to happen to your family?
ESH here. Your wife for doing it, you for allowing it.
You need to fix this.
ESH. Your wife is an huge AH for alienating your kids and not allowing her child to know her siblings.
You’re an AH for allowing this. You have major damage to repair that is going to take time. If you continue to allow your wife to make rules regarding your children, you will lose those relationships altogether.
I hope you’re being honest with your couples therapist and not sugar coating this!
ESH.
Your wife for the obvious reason, unless there’s à missing reason you’re not mentionning to justify your wife’s decision.
You, although it should be obvious but as you don’t seem to see it : you agreed to move away from your kids and you still want to be married to à woman Who wants to cut your family out of your daughter’s life…
EDIT : was she your affair partner by any chance ?
ESH your wife is a real piece of work and you’re a doormat for letting her get away with this stuff. This is how those kids who never talk to their parents are made.
ESH. You never should have moved out of state. I hope you realise she most likely moved you out of state to get you as far away from your children as possible so your focus could be on the daughter you share with her and that you’d be one happy family.
Your wife needs to understand she chose to get with you knowing you had other children and if she cannot accept that then you should not be with her. Children ALWAYS come first.
ESH. Way to dip out on your older kids while blaming your wife for it.
She’s an AH for obvs reasons. But you allowed this shit to happen **for fourteen years**.
For wanting your daughter to have a relationship with the rest of your family, no. For allowing your wife to behave this way for 14 years, majorly. Both you and your wife are AH. ESH
Holy Fuck, YTA. Yeah, she is too. But she also isn’t a parent to those 3 kids you abandoned. My god. If I were your kids, I would go no contact with you.
ESH
You know exactly why your wife is.
But why the hell aren’t you prioritizing your children, all of them? Why are you asking your wife’s *permission* for your children to see you and eachother? You just…passively moved away from your children because your wife wanted to? You’ve just accepted her treating your kids like crap for 14 years, and only seem to care enough to think about *maybe,* possibly doing something about it now that it’s clearly affecting the kid you have with her, too.
Your other children are already adults aged 19-23. And they got there without you.
“PS- My eldest has a wedding planned for the summer and my wife wants to go but by eldest doesn’t want her there as they haven’t even spoken in 11 years and the relationship was very hostile prior to that.”
I’m surprised she invites her sperm donor who puts his f’ck first over his kids AKA you.
YTA
ESH (you and your wife) Kids, not so much.
You are an AH for allowing this to happen for all these years. What kind of parent allows this to happen? Thinking with the small head obviously.
Your wife, huge AH. Manipulating and alienating you from your children, then trying to control the situation. She does not get a say in who is invited/allowed at your older daughter’s wedding.
You are VERY fortunate you are even invited to your eldest daughter’s wedding and still have any relationship at all. Grow a spine, repair these relationships. Your wife, does not get a say. If you allow her to continue to manipulate and control, maybe grow up and change that situation.
ESH. Your wife’s share of the blame is obvious. But you’re the AH for not standing up to her earlier.
File for divorce and shared custody of your 14yo so you don’t skip out on yet another child.
Don’t force your older kids to endure your awful wife’s company but DO make sure they get to know your 14yo.
**She’s going to need all the support she can get.**
ESH, except these poor kids who got stuck with you two AH’s as parents.
ESH (except for the kids they’re all innocent in this). You’re the asshole for allowing this to go as long as it did. The moment your wife started to show favoritism, should’ve been the moment you divorced her. Your wife is by far the biggest asshole in this situation. She was their stepmother for years, but the moment y’all have a child together, she drops them?! Did your wife expect you and your daughter to just forget about her other siblings and her grandparents? I think the worst part about is your wife having the utter audacity to expect an invitation to your eldest daughter’s wedding. No! She doesn’t get to treat her like shit and think she deserves to attend the wedding. I’m sorry, OP, but idk if this is something that can be fixed. She’s done a lot of damage to your family who didn’t deserve any of that. Please think of your daughter and what would be best for her because what her mother is doing is just so beyond messed up.
>PS- My eldest has a wedding planned for the summer and my wife wants to go but by eldest doesn’t want her there as they haven’t even spoken in 11 years and the relationship was very hostile prior to that..
OP I say this as a child of a father who prioritized his second wife over his kids (like you), your relationship is hanging on by a thread.
If you insist your wicked wife should be at your daughter’s wedding you can kiss that relationship goodbye.
It’s a great way to show that even after 14 years and “regretting” your decisions, that you still haven’t changed.
YTA because these are **your** kids who needed to be protected from **your** wife and you failed. Utterly failed.
A friend was in a very similar situation with problematic second wife. He finally told her that their daughter WOULD have a relationship with his family and half siblings. Either she could allow him to take the kids to visit and they would stay married OR he would take the kids to visit during his 50% custody of the daughter. Totally her choice. Spoiler alert they are still married and his daughter was one of the bridesmaids in her older brother’s wedding last summer.
Honestly, ESH
Your wife is awful but you allowed her to do this and to drive a wedge not just between you and your other children, but between her own child and her paternal side of the family.
This has been happening for 11 years but you started couples therapy this week? What were you doing this past decade??
Unless there’s a valid reason she stressed the distance which you didn’t include in the story
YTA for letting it get to this point. Take your child to see and spend time with their family and stop catering to your wife.
Listen to and respect the choices of the children you all but abandoned to cater to her in the past.
YTA. Wow just wow. You allowed your witch of a wife to do this to your own kids and parents?? But of course your daughter is allowed to take to your wife’s little brats.
If I were your kids and parents I would also kick you to the curb and want nothing to do with you.
Why the f are you going to couples counseling with a pathetic person like her. You should have divorced her a long time ago.
I bet she also expects them to get nothing from your will right, but her little brats need to get something.
You are a pathetic excuse of a father.
ESH for the reasons everyone else has given.
Now let’s get out ahead of your next post so you don’t have to come back in 6 months: Are you the asshole for being upset that your oldest didn’t ask you to walk her down the aisle? Yes. You chose your new family over her. Sometimes moves are unavoidable, but you just passively accepted rarely getting to see your existing kids and let your wife alienate your youngest daughter from them.
You abandon your kids, you deal with the consequences.
You have obviously been the AH for at least 14 years. You have allowed that woman to lead you around by your ba!!s and play favorites with your children. It’s a little late to grow a pair now. The harm has already been done. Do not allow that woman to crash your daughter’s wedding. There is no salvaging their relationship. That ship sailed long ago and you were the captain. I’m kind of surprised your daughter wants you at her wedding if you didn’t protect them from the woman you’re married to.
Im surprised your older children want anything to do with you. What kind of father moved away from Young children and than only sees them a couple og times a year. Your wife is a AH. But you are a lot bigger AH. In the end they are your children and you let it happen.
You allowed that woman to convince you to move away from your kids ? Wow you suck
You abandoned your kids, smh
ESH except the kids. YOU didn’t do anything to facilitate seeing your children more than 3-4 times a year. YOU moved. YOU didn’t seem to understand not letting your newest child talk to your other children was not normal. It’s been 14 years, did you just not notice this?
The only way your wife’s rules are okay is if your parents or older children are violent, predatory, or have severe drug issues. She is welcome to cut your parents off it they are narcissists as well, because that never goes well. If everyone is non violent, not manipulative a-holes, then what was her reason? You just let this happen over an over an over for YEARS and are only waking up now that one of the older kids is having a wedding and you want your wife to come celebrate someone she hasn’t spoken with in 11 years because?
YTA and your wife is, how could you love someone who wants to erase your children from your life, how could let that happen for so long and even still be with this person. I m so sad for your older children … I hope they go NC with you, you don’t deserve their love.
Yta for allowing this broad to push your children away and still staying with her .
You’re lucky your kids still want a relationship with your weak ass.
They’re still time to fix this and show your kids who matters most.
Leave her!
ESH, but you’re the biggest a-hole in the story. Why are you still married to this woman? She played favorites but worse kept you and your youngest child away from your parents and other children. Of course your family doesn’t want to accept her, but I’m shocked they aren’t more angry with you.
Dude i have no words. Why did you let this woman ruin your relationship with your children? You are going to regret the time lost as you get older. The cycle of her controlling you stops now.
You sir are a deadbeat
ESH.
And you suck especially after having read some of your comments on other posts.
YTA. Your wife’s abhorrent behavior here is not the issue. The fact that you allow it to happen, and in many ways are going along with it and not advocating *for your children*, is. You need to get your priorities in order.
YTA you are a doormat and bad father
You allowed your wife to alienate your children and you just went along with it?!
YTA
Is your wife an AH? Yeah, oh yeah. But you didn’t just stumble into this situation. She led, but you followed. You didn’t just allow her to create this distance, you enabled her. And now, you’re upset because it’s backfired on you?
Stop whining and feeling sorry for yourself. You married an awful woman who has isolated and separated you from your children and parents, and you let her do it because it was easier to do what she wanted and you loved her more than your children and parents. Couples therapy isn’t going to fix what *you* did wrong in this situation.
Your daughter is your child too. You have a say. If you want to reconnect her with the family you and your wife kept her from, then just do it. Even if that means divorce. Frankly, it *should* have meant divorce a long time ago.
And don’t destroy your eldest’s wedding by demanding that your evil wife has to come. If you actually regret what you’ve done, regret it. Don’t keep excusing and justifying it.
NTA for wanting to go there without your wife, but YTA to your other kids for staying with your wife for so long.
ESH. Enough comments have already, rightfully, raked you over the coals for your behaviour and your wife’s manipulation…and even asking if your wife was your AP.
On a separate note, you are your daughters father and as such your wife cannot block you from facilitating this contact with your side of the family.
The time has long passed for couples therapy to work. You need to consult a lawyer because I’m wondering if this behaviour by your wife doesn’t fit parental alienation.
Get a lawyer and, for once, make the right moves as a father.
YTA for staying with someone who would treat your children like this. Fuck is wrong with you, your children come first
You said when your daughter was born, she started clearly showing favoritism. Its not just on her. You did to by allowing her to keep you from your children and family. Why did you allow this to go on for so long? I think when she had you move, you packed your balls up and handed them to your wife. Did she repurpose them as your anal beads, to keep you on the short leash, and control you the way she does? You’re TA just because you’re a horrible father!
INFO: we need more info on the breakdown of the relationship between your wife and oldest children and your parents.
Wow! Reading your comment history and this post, I have no doubt YTA. Your wife is too, but you enabled her.
You are just shy of a deadbeat dad. I am amazed your older children have anything to do with you.
You abandoned them for your wife and do over child. You let her separate your daughter from them. You visited them sporadically.
YTA
ESH except the kids
You NEVER should have allowed this in the first place.
You absolutely failed your ALL your kids, but especially your older kids. You moved and only saw your kids a few times a YEAR?
Y’all over here acting like your wife was the ‘bad guy’, when it was both of you.
Your lucky that your daughter wants YOU at her wedding.
Yta for obviously putting your stupid d!@& and the stepmonster before your children. You FAFO and now your other child is suffering.