#FamilyDrama #CaregiverConflict
Hey guys, so here’s the scoop – I’m a 19-year-old dude with two older siblings who have some pretty serious disabilities. My parents kinda just assumed I’d be the dedicated caregiver once they were out of the picture, without really considering my own wants and needs.
Long story short, I moved out for college and now they’re all up in arms about it. They keep guilt trippin’ me about not being around for my siblings and how rusty I’ll be at caregiving. But honestly, I’m just not willing to sacrifice my future for a role I never asked for or signed up for.
So, I finally laid down the law and told them they needed to find another solution for long term care because I’m not gonna be the one to do it. And let me tell ya, they were NOT happy about it.
But now I’m left wondering, am I really the a-hole in this situation? I mean, shouldn’t I have a say in how I want to live my life without being guilted into a caregiver role I never chose? What do you guys think? 🤔 Let’s chat! #AITA #CaregiverDilemma
NTA
I’m sorry for your siblings, but thei are not your responsability. Best thing you ca do(for yourself and them) is to build your life. Best thing you can do for them is have them placed in some kind o facility. I wish you the best of luck.
NTA block their numbers (or change yours) and go out and live your life. Your siblings are NOT your problem or responsibility. Your parents are the ones sick in their head for having you solely as a slave to their other kids
Wow, I’m so happy for you that you are not a carrier for this gene!
And I applaude you for having the guts to stand up against your parents. They are the hugests AH’s for this.
NTA
NTA.
The only disgusting people in this scenario are your parents. Whatever you do, don’t get pulled back in by them.
NTA your parents are close to evil in my opinion.
Go no contact.
NTA in any way.
NTA
You don’t owe it to your parents nor your siblings to throw away your future for the sake of caring for them. It’s a difficult situation, and a sad one, but you have only one life and you should live it the way you see fit.
If your parents have been aware of being carriers for the gene after their first child, it has been incredibly reckless and irresponsible of them to have more children.
NTA
I witness one of these situations when I was a teenager with a friend I think this whole situation is disturbing especially on the extreme side of disabled like one step above a vegetable. You don’t own your parents anything you’re adult I would fully cut contact and move on.
NTA. Parents like yours seem to forget that you are your own person. Not just some tool to do their bidding. It’s not on you to care for the children that they had before you, especially when they knew that there was a risk involved. And the fact that they were going to adopt someone just so that they could spend their lives taking care of someone else, it speaks volumes for how selfish your parents truly are.
NTA
What is disgusting is having a child for the sole purpose of looking after others. It’s up to them to work hard, earn money to be able to afford care for your siblings after they pass.
You’re NTA. Your parents are 100% in the wrong.
>They had me so their disabled children would have someone to take care of them when they were gone.
Major A-Hs.
>Their aim was for me to do badly enough to either drop out or not graduate high school so then I wouldn’t leave for college
Despicable A-Hs.
>They leave voicemails pretty frequently shaming me for going to college and moving away and not supporting them or my siblings
Super Kinga Mega A-Hs. Despite their intentions, you were not put on this earth to assume responsibility for their responsibilities. They need to start looking into group home ASAP.
Nta – honestly would be enough for me to go nc. I can’t imagine how it feels knowing that’s why they brought you into this world.
I’m so happy for you that you are not a carrier! I wish for you a happy life with a wjole brood of kiddos if that’s what your heart desires! Good luck op 😊
That’s terrible! I’m so sorry this is happening to you. You are allowed to have your own life. You don’t owe anyone anything. They need therapy and a kick in the pants.
You do you, darlin, live your life as you see for. Find your tribe, make your own family group . Auntie Turtle says it’s okay.
NTA and you are so strong. It takes people decades to stand up to their parents, especially when they’ve been neglected as children like you clearly have.
Nta
Having additional children to use as donor farms or raising them to become their slave/nanny is appalling. Your parents don’t deserve to you
NTA- Very happy for you that you are not a carrier. You are a grown adult and do not owe anyone anything. Live your life for you.
This reminds me of a movie MY SISTER’S KEEPER kinda.
They probably need to institutionalize these siblings.
NTA
NYA. They’ve ruined your life enough. Leave them behind and live yours with pride. They are the worst of the worst. Imagine trying to adopt a child just to get a live-in carer for not only the parents’ lives but for the carer’s life as well.
I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and your right to live your own life, independent of them.
NTA, expecting you to give up your life and focus only on caring for your siblings isn’t even close to normal.
On other note, are you sure that both of your parents are actually your parents? Do you look like them? I find it a bit suspicious that you don’t even carry that gene and the planned to adopt before having you
NTA. Go full no contact with them and enjoy your life
NTA. You can still love your siblings from afar. But you don’t have to light yourself on fire to keep others warm. Your future also matters. Really shitty of your parents to do this to you, when care homes for the disabled exist.
First off, NTA.
Dear OP, you are SUCH A STRONG PERSON. I admire you. You will do great in life! Leave your past life and don’t look back. You’ve been heavily abused.
Good luck in everything! And don’t you dare EVER think you are an asshole for what you described.
NTA at all.
Forgive the crassness of this comment, but they could have saved every dollar they spent raising you to invest or pay for insurance so that when they pass, there’s a plan to care for your siblings. They figured birthing a slave would be cheaper.
You are a person, not a plan. They owed you support, barely provided that, and sabotaged you along the way. You don’t owe them (or your siblings) anything. You are entitled to your own existence and are not required to shoulder their burdens.
NTA – Good for you for taking back your future!
NTA
It was never your job to look after your siblings. It is for the parents to make what plans and provision they can for their children.
What is disgusting is birthing a child solely for the purposes of servitude. To deliberately sabotage that person to limit their opportunities to do other than what they want.
You are amazing. Despite all of what you have been through you made it to college. You have work ethic and ability and now you have the chance to live your own life and get the results you deserve. If anyone is as far from an asshole as it’s possible to be, that’s you.
NTA
Omg… these ‘people’ are not parents. Best wishes and have a great life OP
You’ve done well to plan your own future. NTA and bravo.
Your parents are of course wondering how their other children will
manage without you, but Nature, although neutral, can be harsh at times and your
siblings will have the life that Nature chose to give them. You cannot change
their destiny. Make the most of the life Nature offered you.
Your aren’t the AH, you’re an amazing bad ass for only being 19 and standing up to your parents like this. NTA
NTA and your whole family are huge assholes
NTA. When your parents do pass away get a lawyer to look over anything with their estate. You don’t want to be legally involved in their care through inheritance. Just to protect yourself. You can’t be legally held responsible for them but you can avoid any hassle with it.
NTA
My little brother is disabled and I will probably take him in. This is my decision. My parents have never forced me to. I also have a sister and she may take him. My parents never forced her to. They always treated us like we were people. We’ve worked out some options and their wills provide for him. You are a whole human being. You are strong. You are independent. You are more than bred to be a cog in the machine.
Both your parents are carriers? They purposefully sabotaged your schooling, and thought that would keep you around as a carer for another 6 or so decades?
Sorry, i’m calling a BS karma farm.
NTA. I have 3 children, the oldest is disabled and will always need assistance. It is NOT the responsibility of my other 2 kids to take care of her. I’ve planned very hard and am actively putting things in place so that they don’t have to. This is your parent’s job- not yours! Don’t let them guilt you into it, just cut contact with them.
NTA at all. I have a severely disabled little cousin- there were numerous things my aunt could have done to prevent her situation or minimize the impact. But no, somehow my mom and I have been recruited into “the village.” I had to drop the rope. I’m almost 30 and decidedly child free. I gave up too many years of my life caring for my cousin and it just is not my responsibility, plain and simple.
It makes me sound cruel, but I’m not the one that had the kid and decided repeatedly to keep them. Naturally, I’m a woman, so caring was forced on me. My brother has never once been asked to care for my cousin.
NTA! Wow. Your parents are just…wow. they rolled the dice and could have had a 3rd child with disabilities and got lucky. So, you should give up your life for your siblings? Hell to the no!
Live your life!
NTA. You have clear eyes about what your parents have done and hope to do. I’m glad you escaped their cage. Stay free.
NTA
It sounds like your parents would try to have another baby just to have someone to take care of their siblings. I don’t think it’s fair that they treat you like this. Every child should be treated equally by parents. I’m glad you were able to finish school and go to college. I believe you have a promising career ahead of you, and I hope someday your parents will understand that they can’t presume you’ll sacrifice your life for your siblings.
You’re NTA. Go live your life and be the best you can be!
NTA, they don’t get to dictate the entire reason for your existence. They literally tried to birth a servant, that’s fucked up.
Tell them that slavery is illegal. And you will not give up your own life to be a slave to their other children.
Block their numbers. The next time you move, don’t give them your new address.
Then go live your best life.
NTA
NTA. And release yourself of any guilt.
You actually gave your parents a gift. By becoming independent and making something of yourself now, you’re giving them a lot more time to make an alternative plan for your siblings. Better now when they’re in their 40s/50s than 60s/70s.
This is the fakest shit I’ve ever read
Oh my god I’m horrified on your behalf. Thankful you got out… you are not not not not an AH
I hope you find peace, joy and a full life.