#strugglingatwork #careerconfusion #supportneeded
Hey everyone,
I wanted to share something that’s been weighing heavily on my mind lately. 🤔 After landing what I thought was my dream job a couple of years ago, I’m now feeling completely demoralised. 😞 Here’s a little snippet of what’s going on:
– I’m the head of social media at a non-profit, but I feel like I’m constantly being critiqued and questioned by my boss, leaving me feeling inadequate.
– The job is chaotic and high-pressure, with unrealistic expectations and constant changes in priorities.
– My confidence has taken a hit, and I feel isolated and lonely at work.
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD, and while I’m managing it effectively, the constant criticism is really getting to me. 😣 I know I can’t quit because I’m the main breadwinner, but I’m at my breaking point.
I’d really appreciate some empathy and guidance from those who may have gone through something similar. 🙏 Does anyone have any suggestions on how to navigate this tough situation and regain some self-confidence? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
This sucks, and very much sounds like it’s them not you.
Can you job hunt? If you need to buy a house asap, can you do that fast and then job hunt immediately?
Can your wife increase her income at all, at least enough that you can take a pay cut if needed?
How much can you emotionally disconnect from work? (I generally can’t, and it makes it tougher, but if you can find ways to do so it might make it easier to survive another year or so while you sort housing and new job.
This is a tough situation and I do empathize with you as I myself have ADHD and I have worked under terrible leadership before.
Off the top it’s important to be mindful that one feature of ADHD is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
“Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intense vulnerability to the perception – not necessarily the reality – of being rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in your life. RSD causes extreme emotional pain that may also be triggered by a sense of failure, or falling short – failing to meet either your own high standards or others’ expectations.”
https://www.additudemag.com/symptoms-of-add-hyperarousal-rejection-sensitivity/
I’m not saying that what you are experiencing is not valid. The management above you may be great managers but terrible leaders- as you have described. However, given the specific issue with ADHD and how you feel, it maybe well worth talking to a therapist who specializes in ADHD.
Secondly, ADHD can cause a person to miss details in some areas while being keenly aware of details in other areas. It is vitally important to create personalized systems that help you automate and support the areas in your life that can slip through the cracks. For me, I know that I have a system for what I call “hard dates” and “soft dates.” For example, any appointment that happens whether I am present or not is categorized as a hard date. This might be a dentist appt, a meeting, filing my taxes, etc. if I don’t act it still happens. This goes in my calendar with multiple alarms and I use an apple watch with a display that show the next hard date event, with alarms etc. basically I pull out every stop to ensure those things go in the calendar and I don’t have to worry about them. Then there are “soft dates” like going to the gym. Nothing happens if I don’t show up. There are no consequences other than I don’t get healthier. So I have a system that works for me- a combination of managing the the things that MUST be done with things that CAN be done which works great for my brain. If I try to make everything in my life or my job a MUST do then my brain will rebel.
Just wanted to get that ADHD stuff out of the way.
The next issue is leadership. Learning more about leadership will help you understand whether the issues you are experiencing are a “them” problem or a “you” problem. Executives and managment can imagine and demand anything under the sun. That doesn’t mean it can be delivered. That doesn’t mean their demands are reasonable. That doesn’t mean it is your responsibility to make the impossible happen. Demands are simply demands. Good leaders use metrics, experience, data, planning, organization, control, leadership, and empathy to put together an action plan to enable their team to reach the the demanded goals. That takes work. That takes accountability. Unfortunately, many times demands come from people who feel that managing is pure delegation with no work. They believe they have 100% authority with 0% responsibility.
So in this case it is crucial to set up work/life boundaries that separate your self-value from your perceived economic employee value. Sometimes you simply have to do your best and let the chips fall where they may. As they say, failing to plan is planning to fail. But what I like to say is “failure is an option.” Failure is an option for any manager who doesn’t do their part to help their team succeed. Failure is an option for any company that fails to recognize the human needs of its employees. Failure is an option for any team that constantly trys to deliver every project without planning room for contingency. Failure is an option for any management team that can’t prioritize and therefore makes every task “high priority.” You get the point.
Managing means recognizing the areas where you are responsible and where you are not. Sometimes we have to let team members fail because we can’t do the work for them. Sometimes we have to let our leaders fail because we can’t do the work for them either. We need to own the area where we are responsible and let go of the areas where we are not. That may mean having candid conversations with the people above and below us over areas that are not working or are creating conflict on projects.
The best advice to deal with “science people” is show your work. Show the data. Show how X gets to Z. Be able to speak on it.
If you get worked dumped on you then make it clear how this will effect project timelines. Also, build in extra time into projects. Budget for those stop everything you’re doing moments into the projects. So if it normally takes 5 days, claim 8. You will look better if and when done early.