#FamilyDrama #CruiseInvitation #FeelingLeftOut #SocialAwkwardness
🚢 Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you feel like you’re on the outside looking in? Imagine overhearing plans for a fun cruise trip with family and friends, only to realize that you were never actually invited. This is the dilemma faced by one individual who shared their story on an online forum. Let’s delve into the details and explore practical solutions to navigate through this awkward scenario.
## The Background Story
At 27 years old, this individual, who identifies as a trans guy and is on the autism spectrum, still lives with their parents. Despite their efforts to be independent and move out, there seems to be a disconnect when it comes to inclusion in social plans. The individual’s parents are close friends with another couple, along with their sons and daughters-in-law. Discussions about going on a cruise together came up, and assumptions were made about who was invited.
During a family dinner for a birthday celebration, the individual’s sister casually mentioned the cruise trip, prompting the realization that they were not included in the plans. Feeling left out and confused, they expressed their feelings of not being invited, leading to an awkward moment at the table.
## Finding Clarity and Resolution
1. **Open Communication**: The first step is to have an open conversation with your family about how you feel. Express your confusion and ask for clarification about the invitation. It’s essential to communicate your emotions and have your voice heard in a non-confrontational manner.
2. **Clarify Expectations**: Ensure that everyone is on the same page regarding future social events and invitations. Set clear expectations about communication and make sure you are included in plans that involve family and friends.
3. **Create Your Own Social Circle**: If you feel consistently excluded from social gatherings, consider branching out and creating your social circle. Join clubs, volunteer, or engage in activities that interest you to meet new people and form connections outside of family.
4. **Seek Support**: It’s okay to seek support from a therapist or counselor to navigate through feelings of exclusion and uncertainty. Talking to a professional can help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies for similar situations in the future.
## Embracing Self-Acceptance
Ultimately, it’s essential to remember that your worth is not determined by external invitations or social validation. Embrace self-acceptance, celebrate your uniqueness, and prioritize your mental well-being above all else. Remember that it’s okay to speak your truth and assert your feelings in a respectful manner.
In conclusion, feeling excluded or misunderstood in social situations can be challenging, but it’s crucial to address these emotions and seek resolutions that align with your values and boundaries. By fostering open communication, setting clear expectations, and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate through social awkwardness with grace and confidence. Stay true to yourself and embrace your journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment. You are worthy of love, inclusion, and belonging. 🌟
NTA
And your other siblings were not invited? Sound odd, and I hope your status as a person who is Trans is not a factor in this.
Best of luck OP
Question…Did you over hear them while they were in another room on each occasion or were you in the same room. I also take it that your parents have not really talked with you about this trip. YRNTH for telling Evelyn you had not been invited. This is obvious by the way your mother reacted when you stated this and the way she looked at you the rest of the dinner and evening. You have not come out and are saving to move out. Take this time to actively start looking into moving out. Once you have things all lined up and are ready to move then come out to your parents and siblings. I am willing to bet your parent will not take this well and you will need some place to go to be safe.
NTA
But I’m assuming it’s less “they didn’t invite me”, more so “they just assume I’d go without asking me if I want to”
Your mom doesn’t make it seem like they don’t want you to come, it sounds like she just assumes you will be there because they couldn’t possibly leave the autistic dependent kid behind
NTA. I would have said the same thing because I would have assumed the same thing. Folks, whether they’re neurotypical or not, usually directly invite the people they intend to invite or it’s otherwise made known to any tertiary invitees (like the unnamed +1’s on wedding invitations). Just being in the general area of people talking about an event in a conversation you’re not part of isn’t an invitation or notification of expected attendance. All you did was tell the truth based on the most reasonable interpretation of events. What on earth was your mother so upset about??
NTA
NTA but really, try and read the room a little better if you can.
Once it became obvious that you “could” have been invited like all the others your next point of call was a 1:1 discussion with your parents.
We all make decorum mistakes occasionally but but the fact that you’re asking why she seems upset indicates you don’t have a good sense of politeness.
To an allistic person, saying “no one talked to me about it, I guess I wasn’t invited” was taken as you passive aggressively calling your mom out. That’s why she was pissed.
You were just stating facts, no hidden meaning. Allistic communication has layers and references and implications and reading between the lines, and that’s what she was hearing. You’re NTA, and you’re not wrong. You haven’t been invited. However, based on her belief that you can’t be left alone she probably was going to inform you of your mandatory attendance closer to the date.
NTA
info: did you talk to your mom after to see if you really did misremember? do you have a job to pay for your own ticket?
NTA. Are you the forgotten child? Meaning growing up you’re always the one that gets overlooked and ignored. You get overlooked on family plans as they assume you are going or that you don’t mind not going.
NTA, if you haven’t been asked you haven’t been invited? Your mom sounds like she’s being ableist and assuming you, an adult who can make their own decisions, are just an extension of her like a small child who OF COURSE is coming because she decided so, not an adult who needs to be invited/asked.
I had a lot of these growing pains as an older teen and then I just moved out so my parents finally understood I was my own person and needed to be consulted if they wanted my time. Not diagnosed disabled or anything, it’s something a lot of people deal with at that age. It makes her ableist because 27 is definitely beyond the normal time to have these issues.
NTA my take on this is that everyone else assumed your parents had invited you, which they didn’t. They probably just acted normal because they’re afraid of causing drama with your mother.
I hate when people assume an invitation has been extended. Mom, if you didn’t say to OP would you like to go, as far as I’m concerned, they haven’t invited you
NAH
This sounds like a miss communication. This is all coming from the perspective of you don’t say anything about being rejected because you are trans. In most groups including families you have the communicators and the outliers. You are an outlier. The communicators are the planners and well, communicate. Sometimes they think they have relaid the information to the outliers but in reality they were just chatting amongst themselves.
NTA – I am usually avoid making assumptions that I am automatically invited on a trip until my family member directly told me. So that they can consider my opinion in the planning. I usually don’t go on trip that I don’t involve planning (the exception is if I allow they arrange and plan for me due to their expertise in the trip) because those trip can be miserable for me.
NTA,
But I don’t necessarily agree with the other posters you were left out on purpose. It’s entirely possible they just assumed you would be coming and just assumed you knew that without ever explicitly saying it since they had talked about it with you in the room.
There is nothing you’ve said so far to suggest it was purposeful and your mom may have just been embarrassed by what you said. Unless there is reason on your part to think otherwise I would give them the benefit of the doubt.
NTA. Are you close with your sister? I would consider talking to her or maybe Harold about it on your own. Just letting one of them know that you’d be interested in going but you weren’t invited. You’re 27 and while I don’t know your financial situation I would just ask if you could go and ask them for all the info and how much it’d cost. Your mom seems like the AH from the context given
You only spoke the truth and she didn’t like being called out. You should ask you sister in college if she is invited. If so then you need to have a family talk and call them out for inviting everyone else but you.
Calling people out in front of others is the best way so they cannot make excuses and try to turn things around.
If it’s about you being trans then they should own it so you can make sure to act accordingly.
If it was all indeed just a misunderstanding mom would have used this as an opportunity to clear the air, not shoot daggers at you for the rest of the dinner. That’s the behavior of someone who’s angry/embarrassed for being called out. If she doesn’t want to look bad, she shouldn’t act in ways that look bad. NTA
I’m curious about a couple of things, would you be able to pay your own way on the cruise? How far out is it, was there still time for your parents to talk to you about it before your sister brought it up? Are there pets at home they would be hoping you could house sit for? I guess I’m choosing to be optimistic that this isn’t transphobia, but maybe a logistical or financial issue.
It’s not your job to protect your mother’s schemes or omissions from coming into the open and embarrassing herself.
*When someone feels shame, it’s very uncomfortable for them, so they often redirect that feeling into anger at the person that made them notice their bad behaviour . This is what your mother is doing.*
You don’t have to do anything about this. They are her own feelings to manage and she can work through them without any input from you.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
Leave the subject entirely (unless you actually want to go along).
If she raises the issue of you shaming her, just lightly say “don’t redirect your embarrassment onto me, but if you want me to come along then I’ll be happy to”
Nta
You weren’t invited and you’re NTA. Your mom shot daggers at you because you revealed something she was keeping quiet for seemingly shitty reasons.
nta
your mom probably doesn’t see you as an adult, and feels like she can answer for you. Which means they didn’t plan to ever ask you to join, but assumed you would go because she wouldn’t understand you have a life of your own.
She gave you that look because of COURSE you are going. In her mind. she just forgot that whole pesky thing of you being an adult and able to make your own choices.
NTA. But definitely ask if you’re included on this trip. Go only if it’s something you want to do.
She’s just angry that you embarrassed her. You probably are in fact invited.
NTA
**you are right. you have not been inivited.** Instead of going ont he cruise with those transphobic AHs, spend your money on moving out.
I’m going to go with NTA.
Unless you parents said, ‘hey we’re going on a cruise. These are the dates. Do you want to come?’ You weren’t invited.