#Pets #Ultimatum #Fiancee #RelationshipAdvice #CatLover
Hey there! Dealing with a partner’s ultimatum to get rid of your beloved pets can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to address this issue with sensitivity and understanding to find a resolution that works for both of you. Let’s dive into some advice on how to navigate this tough situation.
## Understanding Your Partner’s Perspective
It’s crucial to take a step back and try to see things from your partner’s point of view. Your fiancee may be feeling overwhelmed by the responsibilities that come with having multiple pets, especially if she is coping with mental health issues. It’s essential to communicate openly and listen to her concerns without judgment.
## Consider Compromises and Solutions
Instead of jumping to drastic decisions, explore compromises that can help alleviate your partner’s stress while still allowing you to keep your pets. Here are a few suggestions to consider:
– Implementing a routine to manage the cats’ behavior and reduce noise
– Seeking professional help or behavior training for the cats
– Designating specific areas in the house where your partner can have some peace and quiet
## Reflecting on Long-Term Commitments
Just like our pets, relationships require patience, understanding, and compromise. It’s crucial to have honest conversations about your future together, including your expectations regarding children and other life decisions. Remember that being in a partnership means navigating challenges together and finding solutions that work for both parties.
## Drawing Inspiration from Ancient Wisdom
In times of uncertainty and turmoil, seeking guidance from ancient wisdom can provide valuable insights. The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the importance of duty, righteousness, and selflessness in relationships. By embodying these principles, you can approach this situation with a sense of compassion, understanding, and respect for your partner’s feelings.
## Seek Support and Professional Help
If the situation becomes too overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support from a counselor or therapist. Professional guidance can help both of you navigate this challenging time and find a resolution that honors your individual needs and values.
Remember, relationships are a journey filled with ups and downs. By approaching this situation with empathy, communication, and a willingness to find common ground, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and understanding. Good luck on finding a solution that works for both of you! 🐾❤️
For more advice and tips on relationships, feel free to visit our website and explore our resources on maintaining healthy and fulfilling partnerships. Let’s work together to find a solution that honors both your needs and your partner’s concerns.
Unfortunately I don’t think you’re compatible in the long run. The cats are a symptom of a wider issue and it sounds like your relationship is quite stressful anyway
Sounds like living with parents and having other people to talk to has masked the problems in your relationship. Maybe time to really think about whether it’s still working overall. Doesn’t sound like it to me.
Get rid of the gf and keep the cats.
I have very chatty cats as well as 2 kids, and the kids are way harder work than the cats because the first few years of their life the literally will die if you aren’t there for them.
You only need to give the cat food and water up to 3 times a day, clean the litter box every so often depending on your setup and amount of cats and play with them every now and then.
If they get too much you can lock yourself in a room and they will survive without you for the day.
But
Kids need to be fed (as in holding the bottle or spoon feeding them) for the first few years.
They need to be burped for the first few months.
They need to have their diaper changed several times a day for the first few years.
They cry a lot and can’t tell you what’s going on for years. And you can’t just lock yourself in a room if it gets too much, they need constant supervision.
They learn through making messes (big and small).
And like you said, you can’t just get rid of them when they get too much.
If she can’t deal with cat noises how is she going to deal with the crying?
It’s a huge problem that she copes with things by drinking, and that you have to basically parent her during these times. If it’s not the cats stressing her out it’ll be something else, things in life rarely go exactly as we expect them to. And she’s apparently willing to leave you homeless because you won’t do what she wants. Is this really the person who you want to marry?
Coping by drinking a lot, 1-2 times a year…which can go on for weeks or months. Where you have to make sure she isn’t trashing your place, and you have to ensure she goes to work.
All by itself, that is a real problem. Is that part of the really bad mental breakdown you mentioned? Or is that her ‘normal’ coping strategy?
She is not coping with our first cat being loud and meowing a lot
when my fiancee is not well mentally
– how do u think she can handle the f-ing cat when she is in that state? (clearly it drives her nuts that she wants to move out )
get rid of the cat and keep the woman
or keep the cat, be homeless and fuckless, unless u fuck the cat
God lord. This is a lot to deal with.
Firstly – do not have children in this relationship and take responsibility for the birth control. The pair of you cannot look after pets responsibly in the relationship, children are a million times more demanding on everything. Do not do it.
Are you happy together? She has many issues that she does not seem proactive about dealing with. I understand it is difficult to motivate yourself when you have problems but you are helping her and it is not getting better. She needs to stop drinking first and foremost. Will she do that? Once she is not drinking, things will get easier and you can tackle the next issue. Booze muddies the water when dealing with neurodivergence and mental health so the best thing for her to do is stop. If she cannot or is a heavy drinker, she needs medical support before she tries to do this.
Cats – you have too many to afford and they do not like each other and she does not like them. I know you like them and I understand the joy a pet can give you and the comfort they offer. It is selfish of you to take so many on, on what was a whim and fancy. Can you keep one of them? Choose one which will thrive as a lone cat – some do, some don’t.
Personally I’d keep the cats and drop the relationship but that’s just me and your finances do lot let that happen.
Rehome the fiance and make sure you spend a lot of time with the first cat you got if he’s feeling excluded.
Pets are like tutorial for parenthood. Baby is like 100 more times obnoxious than a cat meowing and has infinitely more needs.
I would send her away.
My pets are life to me. I have had cats when my partners showed up and I had those cats when the person was out the door. I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t love animals. Those pets deserve a loving forever home, and you deserve the companionship.
If she’s upset about a loud cat, what is she going to do with a loud infant?
I think it’s time to go your separate ways. You keep the cats. Find a cheaper housing arrangement and live your life.
I think there are numerous big red flags here. You don’t sound compatible in multiple important aspects, and NO partner should ever essentially demand their partner get rid of animals, especially ones you got with her and she approved of all of them. That is not okay. That’s too wishy washy and fickle of her as a partner and a parent. PLUS, this isn’t even the only ultimatum she’s given you! Not only do you have to get rid of your cats who love you and are bonded to you, but she’s also told you that if you don’t want kids, you’re out. Do you want to be with someone who gives you these kinds of ultimatums? That make you compromise your morals? That disregard your feelings and desires completely? Please don’t abandon your cats, you will regret it down the road, especially when you end up separated from your partner. You made a promise to these cats that you need to keep. I ALWAYS say, the biggest way you can tell a person’s true colors is how they treat animals. The purest things in the world. Anyone who doesn’t like them, or “despises” them, is not a good person. What if she convinces you to have a kid (and you do it because you love her and don’t want to lose her), the kid comes out not how she pictured, she decides she despises it, and the kid becomes 100% your responsibility? Or she wants to give it up? And your partner goes on a drinking bender so you have to care for her as well? She is not someone to build a life with. You’ve made a commitment to these cats, and they will never issue you any ultimatums. They’ll smother you with love and never leave you. I can’t say the same for your partner. Please honor your commitment to these animals and find a small place in a cheaper area for you and the 3 kitties. Usually places have a 2 pet minimum, so just sneak the 3rd one in. My husband and I have SIX pets and have lived places with a 2 pet max, and we just sneak them in. Have never been caught. Plus, if you get a doctor to prescribe the two cats that you’d disclose to the landlord and have on the lease that they’re needed as emotional support animals, you won’t have to pay any fees for them. If you break off the relationship, you might be sad about it for a few months, but you’ll recover and move on and be better off and happier. If you give up all the cats, you’ll be sad likely for your lifetime, and will regret it forever. She doesn’t care about your needs because at least one of the cats is emotionally bonded to you and helps with your mental health, and she couldn’t care less. Do you want a partner who doesn’t give two shits about your mental health??
I’m sorry, but it’s time to leave this relationship behind. It’s not healthy for either of you, and you have very different morals and desires for the future. She has no regard for your feelings, and you deserve better. Your kitties will give you plenty of love and help you heal.
Don’t marry an alcoholic that you have to babysit. Mental health issues is not an excuse. Those are not her fault but they are her responsibility. She needs to sort herself out.
Let her go.
Sounds like she got the cats to make you happy.
You and your girlfriend are not compatible at all. So let her move out and start looking for a new place to live or, if you currently have a two bedroom, look for a roommate to move in with you.
You guys are not compatible do not get married. You can’t even agree on kids and that is something you have to figure out before marriage. Don’t get rid of the cats. You adopted them don’t abandon them now.
I have four cats and a boyfriend. I’m a little younger than you (23f) so I was a little impulsive with adoption. One cat I had for years before I got my second, planned adoption. The third was a foster fail and the fourth was from a shelter. My ex took my only boy cat when she moved out and my heart felt empty, so I got another boy to balance the energy. I truly feel like they are my lifelines. When I am at my lowest, considering the worst, I know no one will take care of them. I quite literally stay alive for them when it comes to that point.
That being said… Since these cats help you hold it together while she has a breakdown, I would strongly consider keeping them. If you have no cats and she has a breakdown, what’s going to help you get through it? The silence from having no pets or companions can be depressing as you mentioned, I went through the same thing. It’s just sad.
It sounds like you should let her move out. She seems pretty adamant on it and is likely not going to coexist well with your animals if she stays. So you are going to have to make a decision about it. If she is set on moving out, unfortunately she has also likely checked out of the relationship. If she turns to a toxic coping mechanism and can’t or won’t get help, you have to think about you and the little creatures who rely on you. They clearly see you as their pride leader, especially the first cat you adopted. I don’t want to be blunt, but the fact he was rehomed four times prior to you, would make the decision to get rid of him in poor taste. Your partner understands why she wants them gone, but that cat and the others do not.
This is the crazy cat lady in me talking I think but my advice is, if you really love the cats, choose them.
She agreed and planned with you to have these cats, which you fell in love with, and now she doesn’t want them. Future wise, think about other decisions she may do this with. A job, a home, or a child.
I also want to clarify that I don’t think anyone in the situation is the “bad guy”. Sometimes people just don’t cope well, or if she really does have autism as you mentioned, she can’t control when she gets overstimulated and if she’s not officially diagnosed there was no way for her to predict that she’d feel this way.
I feel for you and I hope that whatever happens, you and your cats are happy, and your partner is happy to. I also hope she can get help for her issues.
Your fiancée gets drunk and trashes your house.. and you’re here about cats?
I’d move, get the cats to safety and your wife to therapy or rehab. Normal people don’t regularly trash their homes.
Children are WAY louder and harder than cats.
And far more expensive.
The cats are the smallest of the deal breakers in your post OP.
Ultimatums are a sign that things are coming to an end, not setting boundaries.
Get rid of the fiancée
You go on for paragraphs about how you and your fiancee came to own 3 cats, decisions made under pressure and/or impulse to keep adding cats to the household. Now that she has discovered that the responsibilities of being pet owners takes more time, commitment and money than she was prepared to give, she wants to opt out. Pets should ALWAYS be considered a lifetime commitment, which for cats can be 15-20 years . Frankly, neither of you is mature or responsible enough to own any pets.
Then you talk about your fiance wanting to have kids. Did owning 3 cats together teach you both nothing? Do you not see a pattern here? Please dont bring any children into the world with this woman. And PLEASE consider rehoming the cats if you cannot afford them or are willing to provide them with the care and attention they deserve.
Rehome the third cat, break up with the unstable alcoholic gf, and get a roommate.
Good god if she can’t handle a cat meowing at her, parenthood might not be a good fit. If anything fits the description of “doesn’t align with prior expectations” it’s having a baby. There’s a period called “the period of purple crying” where some babies scream as though they’ve been abandoned in the woods. It can be so so fucking hard. And then they crawl, toddle, walk, climb, etc as time goes on.
You are not at all compatible, the pets are a symptom of that. Can you try to find a roommate who likes cats that can move out?
Animals are more loyal than people.
I don’t think you two are compatible long term. And if you can’t afford vet fees how are you possibly going to afford to get kids much less feed, clothe, educate, etc them. You two would be looking at fertility treatments or adoption, neither of which are cheap.
You need to end your relationship and find a roommate that likes cats.
If she thinks she can get rid of the cats because they’re annoying she should ABSOLUTELY NEVER have kids.
Read what you posted and ask yourself jf this person is the one you want to spend your life with. If it were me I’d take all those cats and run.
🚩🚩🚩
Find yourself a nice studio that accepts pets or see if family will let the 4 of you stay until you can save up. Do not marry this woman. She is already making you miserable, it will get significantly worse after marriage.
It sounds like you guys have not one, but two things making you incompatible, pets *and* kids.
It just sounds like you’re not well-suited to each other, and it’s good you found this out before bringing kids into the mix.
Let her go. It’d be easier to find a cat friendly roommate. Plus, she wants kids? Good luck for her on that one- kids tend to not shut up, ever, for 18 years. Then you’ll really be in a bind.
Well, you’ve gone and turned into crazy cat ladies. I hope you can work this out (and stop getting more cats) 😂
Get rid of the goddamn fiance. Never the pets.