#CommunicationTips #EffectiveResponses #ConversationEtiquette
Have you ever been caught off guard by a random question that you weren’t prepared to answer? It happens to the best of us, but how you respond in those moments can make a big difference in how the conversation unfolds. One simple and effective way to handle such situations is to respond with “Why do you ask?” This response not only buys you some time to gather your thoughts, but it also allows you to turn the question back to the person asking, giving you more insight into their intentions.
In this article, we’ll explore why responding with “Why do you ask?” can be a powerful communication tool and provide some examples of how to use it effectively in various situations.
##Why “Why do you ask?” is a valuable response
When faced with a question that catches you off guard, it’s natural to feel the pressure to come up with a quick and coherent answer. However, rushing to respond can lead to saying something you may regret or being untruthful. Here’s why responding with “Why do you ask?” can be a valuable alternative:
1. Buys you time: By asking “Why do you ask?” you give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts and consider the best way to respond.
2. Turns the focus back to the questioner: This response shifts the attention from you to the person asking the question, giving you more insight into their motivations and allowing you to tailor your response accordingly.
3. Encourages more meaningful conversation: “Why do you ask?” invites the questioner to elaborate on their question, leading to a more productive and engaging conversation.
###Examples of using “Why do you ask?”
To illustrate how “Why do you ask?” can be used in real-life scenarios, let’s consider a few examples:
####Example 1: Job Interview
Interviewer: “What is your biggest weakness?”
Candidate: “Why do you ask?”
By responding with “Why do you ask?” the candidate can gauge whether the interviewer is genuinely interested in their personal growth or if it’s simply a standard interview question.
####Example 2: Social Gathering
Friend: “Are you seeing someone new?”
You: “Why do you ask?”
This response allows you to understand your friend’s reasons for asking without feeling pressured to disclose personal information.
####Example 3: Family Gathering
Relative: “When are you going to have kids?”
You: “Why do you ask?”
This response not only gives you time to craft a thoughtful answer but also prompts your relative to consider the sensitivity of their question.
##Tips for using “Why do you ask?” effectively
While responding with “Why do you ask?” can be a useful strategy, it’s essential to use it thoughtfully and tactfully. Here are some tips for incorporating this response into your conversations:
1. Use a neutral tone: Avoid coming across as defensive or confrontational when asking “Why do you ask?” Instead, strive for a neutral and curious tone.
2. Be genuine: Truly want to understand the motives behind the question, and be genuine in your interest.
3. Practice active listening: Pay attention to the response and follow up with further questions to deepen the conversation.
4. Use it sparingly: While “Why do you ask?” can be a helpful tool, overusing it may come across as evasive. Use it judiciously and when it truly serves the conversation.
In conclusion, responding with “Why do you ask?” can be an effective way to handle unexpected questions and steer conversations in a constructive direction. By using this response, you can buy time, gain insight into the questioner’s intentions, and promote more meaningful dialogue. Remember to use it thoughtfully and strategically for the best results.
That’s my go to when it’s none of their business
Or just try to live your life as a good person and don’t be scared of answering random questions.
“Which end did that come out of?” Also works
I’ve never been asked a random question. Every question I’ve ever been asked had an intention behind it and was specifically for me.
This is awful advice for the workplace or life.
Your response should be, “I need some time to think about it/that. I’ll get back to you” or “I don’t know how to answer that at the moment, I’ll find out and get back to you” or “I don’t know kid, let’s find out together” (works best with kids you are allowed contact with).
“No reason. It’s only… I just happened to look behind us and something is there.”
No it shouldn’t. Just answer it. No reason to be standoffish.
Sounds defensive and unnecessarily combative. Do not do this.
“How soon do you need to know?”
“Why did you fart?”
“Why do you ask?”
Hey, I can always take an extra bit of time to let the stink spread…
I think this is a great tip and wish I would have thought of it when my mother-in-law used to grill my husband and I about our finances. It made me feel so uncomfortable and I wanted to say none of your business, don’t be rude, but I didn’t know how. This response would have been perfect and might have positioned me to be able to point out that she wasn’t sharing her financial situation with us. She was just asking so she could judge us and never offered any help or any advice.
Don’t do that if it’s a cop or your boss asking. It sounds like you did something bad and trying to defend yourself.
OP wears a tinfoil hat
Right up there with what I’ve heard women should say to guys who make rude jokes about them: “I don’t get it. Can you explain?” Really shows the dudes their own inadequacies.
>OP’s take in a different comment:
>
>Your comment is aweful. You put all the onus on yourself for a question your not prepared for, and also opening yourself up for further disdain. “I don’t have time for you to think about it. I may already be home by the time you figure it out.”, ” Why don’t you know, isn’t this your job?”, “Find out together? Then what do I need you for? You suck old man.” By politely saying, why do you ask? You get a better sense of what their agenda is. After that, you can respond with the pallid drivel you mentioned earlier.
i don’t think you should ever take tips from someone like this, imagine having this person around your workplace or family.
Hey have you finished that widget you were working on?
Why do you ask Boss?
Because it was your fucking job until 10 seconds ago, get the fuck out of here!
Why do you advise?
we think OP is pointing to the approriate response in media meetings. where ‘i dont know’ is not acceptable to the media. yeah, how do you appear knowledgeable and intelligent without appearing evasive or stupid? you can also draw this parallel to other environments obviously.
Random person: “Hey man, can I have a light?”
Me: “Why do you ask?”
*awkward silence …*
———————————————
“Hey dad, do you want to play catch?”
“Why do you ask?”
*childhood trauma ensues …*
——————————————–
“Honey, can you please take out the trash on your way out?”
“Why do you ask?”
*blue balls coming up …*
Ah yes. This works wonders in job interviews.
I generally shut down all non-vital brain functions and stare into space for ~3-5 minutes while I try to figure out what to answer.
Doctor: So, what brings you in the ER today?
Me nonchalantly: Why do you ask?
“Do you know why I pulled you over, Sir?”
‘Good Evening sir, this is a routine stop – have you been drinking today?’
Why do you ask???
There is no question you can’t honestly answer on spot instead of passing the ball back in order to prepare for the “suitable” answer.
Being honest will solve your problems faster than this even if the answer is, I don’t know let me think about it, or I don’t want to answer this to you.
This is not a pro tip. OP has poor social skills.
I had one situation in life which i always remember. A really rude person asked a really rude question.
I flipped. That was exactly what he intended.
Now i know i just should have ask him to repeat himself.
“Sorry i wasnt listening. What did you say?” If that will not work “why do you ask such a rude question?”
I always train this situation in my head. Keeps me up at night!
But best is to stay away from rude people
Don’t know why OP is being dragged so hard in the comment section. This obviously has specific relevance (particularly not relevant to work-related conversations) but if you’re in conversation with someone and they ask a seemingly unrelated question, this would help catch you up on their thought process.
Also, I train new employees and encourage questions from them. Sometimes when the questions don’t quite make sense because they misunderstood or made an incorrect assumption, this response is a good way to find where the misunderstanding lies.
Or say “hmmmm…..that’s a good question”
“Why did you A”
“Why do you ask?”
“No reason, I was just curious as to why did you A”.
……
“Why do you ask?”
“I’m your boss and it’s your fuckin job.”
Chapter 1 – never answer a question with a question
I often use that because some people don’t manage to phrase a proper request. E.g. my mom has a problem to ask for help so she often casually asks things like “do you go to the basement today?” when in fact she wants me to go and get her something (though in such cases I also use a somewhat passive aggressive response like “Sure, what do you need?”)
“OBJECTION!”
“On what grounds, counsel?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Dad what’s for dinner?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Can you get this to me by Friday?”
“Why do you ask?”
This is the opposite of a life pro tip.
OP
Don’t listen to the haters.
This is a good tip.
My brother told me about this. He’s the most social person I know.
He also told me to ask people why they tell you something. Like if they say, “that lady looks like a meth head.” Then you can say, “why are you telling me this?” And it kinda stops them from continuing their social judgments.
FYI, from an investigatory standpoint, this can seem like evasion.
Some ppl when confronted with a charge will ask why you’re asking, instead of addressing the charge, as a way to avoid answering the question or delegitimize your ability to question. This is most common amongst psychological manipulators (Domestic abusers, traffickers, other controlling types), who are trying to ferret out how much you might know, so they know how to answer. By going after why someone asked, the conversation shifts to why you asked instead of the meat of the question they were asked.
it is similar to what-about-ism, which says, “What about Timmy? He did the same thing or worse and wasn’t punished… Why should I be punished?”
That said, from an educator or customer service standpoint, it can help unlock the “root” of someone’s interest in a subject.
It’s not *great* advice, but are you all fucking brain damaged? Op Specifically says “random questions” , then details that it’s intended for something unusual and that you’re not prepared for. Everyone starts citing completely normal questions that you are prepared for and concludes this advice is stupid. It’s literally supposed to be for unusual and random questions….
This is **very** context dependant.
This is actually very important when asked some sensitivity questions such as personal/family details.
A lot of sales persons or insurance or mlm people are trained to ask personal/family questions. Sometimes it is important to answer them, sometimes it is not important for you but beneficial for them to upsell more things / use in conversations on you.
“Why do you ask” is the perfect counter question, so you can judge whether you should answer their questions or not.
A lot of the comments use totally normal questions as examples when the OP clearly says “unexpected” questions. Things like “why are you at the ER” from a doctor, “how is this project coming” from your boss are terrible examples of reasons this doesn’t work. It’s totally valid to ask for more context if the question seems out of left field.
Many people here could benefit from slowing down and actually reading what the text says, or from a reading comprehension class.
Edit: a word
This is not good advice except in very few scenarios
Interviewer: So tell me about yourself?
Me: Why do you ask?
Answering a question with another question is rude and not how conversations work.