🔍 Seeking Advice: Fiance Broke Up Day Wedding Dress Arrived – What Now? 💔
#RelationshipAdvice #Breakup #WeddingDressDrama
What Happened?
Did your fiance 25M really break up with you, a 24F, on the day your wedding dress arrived? If so, what led to this sudden turn of events?
Moving Forward
1. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with your ex-fiance to understand his reasons for the breakup
2. Seek support from family and friends during this difficult time
3. Consider seeking professional help or counseling to cope with the heartbreak
Self-Care is Key
Remember to take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. This is a challenging time, but you will get through it stronger than ever.
Stay strong, keep your head high, and remember that everything happens for a reason. Your happily ever after might just be around the corner. #StayStrong #SelfCare #NewBeginnings
I can’t help you with your pain, but I can give you some cold hard truths.
You dodged a bullet here. Do you really want to be with a man, whom at the whim of cold feet cast you aside, fled, and completely knocked you out of his life with no real excuse?
You are better than this. You deserve better than this.
The next few months will likely suck as you process the emotional trauma you are suffering, but it will fade. And you will rise again.
Don’t let one shitty person rule your life.
Its gonna be hard first couple of weeks, months. I m not kidding. Try to avoid stuff that reminds of him. Spend time with your friends, loved ones. Walk, workout, hydrate, cold shower do wat ever that can elevate ur mood, otherwise its just too hard to process. Take care of yourselves. You will get past this. You will find love again. And never forget. Never go back to someone begging who doesn’t want you.
Firstly keep busy this works really well look for a more affordable property and cancel all the wedding things asap to get back as much as possible. After my break up I went to the gym to blow of some steam. I also started eating healthy and meeting up with old friends even going clubbing I realised what I had missed out on for many years. Seven months later he knocks on my door asking for a second try shouting through the letter box I love you I let my new boyfriend open the door I meet him at the gym six foot five and absolutely gorgeous. Ex turned on his heels and left he’s still telling anyone who will listen how I moved on too quick stil happy after many years.
Antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds helped me temporarily. You can’t hurry the grief process, but you can make it easier on your brain.
He told you all those things to make you hate him ,I very much doubt any are true…
You should check with an attorney to see if you might have some legal recourse to sue your ex and recoup some of the money spent in preparation of the wedding.
Sorry this is very painful to go through and i feel for you. I don’t know if it’s a new trend or so but my ex also dumped me out of the blue recently when nothing went wrong. All i can say is, we are better off in the end without such characters and you will heal eventually.
Don’t look to him for comfort – he won’t be able to provide you any. When I was going through something similar I was given some advice that helped me. It’s cold so if it isn’t for you, it’s okay not to take it. But, why fight for someone who isn’t fighting for you? The relationship is 100% a loss. You deserve time to grieve. Take that time, but during the time do not try to fight for him or with him to get more closure than you already have. I see a lot of questions in your post – I don’t think he has those answers nor do I think those answers will help. If you have the strength try not to reach out to him or anyone close to him. Focus on you.
The financial aspect here is going to be hard – money is so much stress. Sometimes landlords are understanding/flexible – most of the time they literally can’t be. See what your options are. If the only option is to stay – maybe a room mate will help you if they can live with the sobbing.
What helped me when I went through something similar (he just flat out told me he never loved me one day, I thought we were happy); I tried new things that I never could see me trying before. I searched for new hobbies. I got more into spending time in nature and hiking. I nurtured friendships and relationships with my family.
My mother taught me “move a muscle, change a thought.” If I felt myself too absorbed in my sadness I would move from that spot I was in. I’d do anything from clean a toilet to take a walk. I’m not meaning to imply distract yourself from what you’re feeling by forcing yourself to be busy. You have the right to go through and process your emotions and you absolutely should. What I am suggesting is remind yourself of your value independent of the relationship. I’m suggesting continue to move, because the grief you are going through can be crippling. It’s just important not to bury yourself under it.
What he’s done is not a reflection of you, but something he’s going through. I am sorry you’re carrying the burden of what he’s processing.
I keep deluding myself with thoughts of “he is just sick. He’ll come back to me when he gets help” but I’m so scared of the reality
Is there absolutely nothing on your side he could have found out about? If not it could be some sort of panic attack he is having
Make sure you sue him for expenses that can’t be reimbursed…
Update us please
Keep busy. Keep a running list of all expenses due to wedding cancellation. Tell him he still owes his half of rent. If he doesn’t pay, take him to small claims court for rent and wedding cancellation costs.
I’m not here to negate anything others have already said.
But a break up like this has me thinking that he got some bad medical news and broke up with you to “spare” you. In this case, he had no faith in you.
Or his family got to him – maybe threatened to disown him/cut him off. In this case, he’s weak & cares more about money.
Take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Get an emergency session with another therapist if your therapist has partners. Talk to your therapist ASAP.
Do you have any family or friends you trust to be/stay with you for a few days?
Get those deposits back NOW. Do not wait. If he changes his mind, comes crawling back, and you take him back, then he can make the plans & put down the deposits when it’s time. Personally, I wouldn’t take him back, no matter his excuse. He’s proven to you that when the going gets tough, he runs.
Do everything you can to protect yourself financially. Contact the leasing office, get a copy of the lease & see what your options are.
As for the animals – this is harder. If you truly can’t afford them, then you need to find a way to contact him and let him know either he contributes or takes a couple or you’ll have to find them new homes. Contact his family about his lease and pet obligations and he has 24 hours to respond. DO NOT discuss anything else. Do not let him gaslight you or guilt you for making decisions you need to make.
I’m sorry, OP. It doesn’t seem like it now, but it will get better.
Is there anyone who wasn’t supportive of your relationship? Could someone be whispering rumors and lies in his ear?
As far as getting closure in a relationship we have this notion for some reason that closure is a gift given to us but that’s not the reality closure is a gift that you give yourself nobody else really gives you closure on a relationship it doesn’t matter the where is why who’s
Though it’s trough hurt and pain, you are blessed that thus was before marriage. I am sorry for your pain Though. This guy is whacked to ask you to marry him, tell you he loved you then say he didn’t.
Do not look for a reasonable explanation because there isn’t one. How was he leading up to this over the weekend, last week, and month? Someone or something got to him, and he got spooked. I have no idea who or what, coukd be almost anything. The only thing you can do, in my opinion, is sue him in court for any lost deposits, and make sure he pays his share of the rent if he name is on the lease, whether he lives there or not. The only thing I can say is that it’s better that it happened now vs. after the wedding. I know that’s of little comfort, though.
UpdateMe
I understand that you are probably going through the worst thing that has ever happened to you but hear this.
Be so glad that this happened before you married him!
It could have been so much worse. Be glad that you still have your pets.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Put the dress up on Craigslist or sell it to one of those places that do wedding dress rental. Or, ask the dress shop if they have any ideas.
Eat some bad food, watch some sad movies. In time you will realize that you dodged a bullet. This guy was play acting and when it came to being real, he bailed. Be thankful.
How devastating, I am so incredibly sorry. From your comments it seems likely that something is up with his mental health, but please remember that it doesn’t give him the right to be cruel. We all have our own demons and trauma but they are ours to manage. He could have asked for space and/or help but instead he chose to go scorched earth. You can’t live life waiting for the other shoe to drop. I know that it’s not all black and white, so as you live in the grey and in uncertainty focus on your own wellbeing. Wishing you all the best.
You will look back on this and somehow be thankful. Time, time, time.
I was definitely not getting married, but my relationship went downhill pretty much as fast as yours. Except that it was clear that my bf was getting depressed and stressed about life (we are both graduating this year and he has been struggling with finding a new job). Then out of the blue he decided to distance himself from me and to stop replying to messages and he has turned cold.
It seems that just recently we talked about life and how we would handle the situation if I accidentally got pregnant or smth. He talked about how he wanted a family and that once we get married he immediatly would give me a baby.
And then it just turned to: I don’t love you anymore and you should find someone else. So the same day he packed whatever stuff I had at his family’s house and asked me to take it back to my home. Mind you, I was really close to moving in there, and he had recently talked to me about wanting for me to move in (as my family situation is emotionally exhausting me).
But yeah now I just go to therapy and I’m trying to finish all my uni work to graduate. It’s hard af, but manageable. Girl, focus on yourself a little, and after a while you will see what you need. Maybe you don’t need him at all. Also, much love and don’t lose hope in life! ❤️
This is less about the relationship (as I feel most of that has been covered) and more about the pets. It’s likely they are picking up on your distress and anxiety over this situation rather than him being gone. It might benefit you to get a feliway or anxiety drops for them to help calm them down during this change. Will certainly help you be able to focus on your emotions without the added stress of reactionary pets
Hi so I wasn’t in the same position as of soon marrying the person, but I was with someone who did the exact same thing to me. I let it happen 3 times and the fear of losing grew more after each time. He would suddenly break up with me, block me everywhere and tell me that he didn’t love me and to leave him alone. The third time was a wake up call and I blocked him everywhere as soon as he unblocked me and asked to get back. And now, almost 8 years later, he contacted me AGAIN (few months ago), god knows why lol. Still ignored him, and I learned that he had still his girlfriend/fiancée who he dumped a few weeks after contacting me. I’m pretty sure he did the same thing to her. People like him or your ex won’t ever change, it’s better to move on as quickly as possible. It will suck for a while but I promise you it will get better
Sorry this has happened to you and you will understand later that this may have been for the best.
Just go and have an amazing party and go on from there. There is nothing else to do as the money is spent and it is what it is.
You now know the truth and he has shown you he is a very good liar and manipulator. Or, something else is going on, and as such it still doesn’t matter. He is gone.
Work on yourself and figuring out your next moves. It will take as long as it takes.
Take a couple of days, maybe a week and then work on giving yourself the best life possible. In time you will meet your match and look back on this and be so glad and thankful that you dodged a bullet.
I assure you it’s not your fault and there’s nothing you could have done differently. My friend was you, married the guy and he has made her life miserable for years, and one day he woke up and said he couldn’t do it anymore, that she deserved better, (the ultimate copout), he left her and their kids with zero explanation.
Be glad this happened so 20 years from now you’re not explaining to your kids that dads decisions have nothing to do with them and you’re not out looking for therapists for your kids so they don’t end up too messed up.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine. Pets, living in a cozy home, marriage track. He left to work out of state “temporarily” so he could afford to buy her a ring and then abruptly broke up with her. She was DEVASTATED. I barely saw her for 6 months. A year or 2 later he was engaged to a new woman.
My friend eventually remarried and is very happy with 2 kids.
The guy? Did the same thing to the new woman. Last thing I heard he is diagnosed bipolar and living back home with his parents.
I know it hurts and I’m so sorry, but I hope you know it’s a him problem not a you problem.
People lie. People do not want to have tough conversations. I have seen people literally waste years bc they did not want to deal with telling their partner that they are not into them. It is easier in the moment to just go along with it.
Likely, the very real feeling of marriage gave him the balls to finally say/do what he could not do before.
Consider yourself lucky this happened now that you are 24 and not years later. You do not have kids. You do not own a house.
It feels like the end of it all now, but you will be OK 🙂
Hey. I don’t have any advice but sending my love. It’s just shit and will be shit for a while. You’ll wake up and be immediately wide awake. Like a shot of adrenaline. You will think about him before you open your eyes. It will be the first thing you think about. However. There will be a day when it’s the second thing. And then the third. And that will be beautiful. Even if it doesn’t feel like it. x
He’s hiding something he doesn’t want you to know about. He figures leaving is the safest way to keep you from finding out whatever it is.
What. The actual. *Fuck?!*
He doesn’t love you and he never did?
The absolute *gall*.
1. Somebody else was pressuring him into this relationship, or at least he felt they were.
2. He was cheating on you and didn’t want you to know so he took…this route.
3. Something bad happened to him that he didn’t think you could bear to know. I knew a woman twenty odd years ago, she was raped by somebody, knew her boyfriend at the time couldn’t handle knowing about that, so she lied and told him she cheated. She made herself the villain in his eyes because it would have broken him to learn she was a victim. If something happened to him that ruined his belief that he could be a husband, he might prefer that you think he was a bad guy, than know what was really going on.
4. He had a mental breakdown over the stress, which honestly I would still rethink the wedding even if he came to his senses.
There are no good answers here, and even if you knew why, it wouldn’t change anything.
This feels like a manic episode or “I just found out my mistress is pregnant”
OP I’m so very sorry this happened to you but the cold hard truth is that it did happen. He has showed you his true colours, there’s no taking this back, there is no fixing this. Somewhere in the, hopefully, not too distant future you will realize that you dodged a bullet. This man has been masking himself and the mask has finally come off.
Right now you are going to be on a rollercoaster through the four stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression before you eventually get to stage 5, acceptance. This will be painful, there is no two ways about it, but you can not grovel for answers, comfort and closure from this man because there are none. This gigantic face slap is all the closure you need. It’s not a psychotic break, it’s not bi polar, if so, there would have been undeniable signs before this or during your relationship.
Get to your therapist this week, maybe get onto a short term prescription to deal with this crisis so you can manage sorting your situation out. Make a plan with your landlord, they cannot just kick you out even if you fail to pay rent but it’s better to make an arrangement. Look into your legal options to recoup wedding expenses, fuck his rich family.
Regarding the pets, your cats are highy stressed right now and can sense your distress (and his absence) try to create a calming environment for them, give them gentle attention/play when you have the energy. Even if all you can do is muster the energy to talk to them gently do so. Try not get frustrated with them, they are stressing and grieving too. Ask a vet about some calming spray/medicine for then.
Put all his shit into boxes and out of sight, wash this man out of your hair figuratively and literally.
He will be back. Do NOT let him back in.
Wow, sorry you have to go through this. Either he is mentally ill and unstable or he found someone new. Awful, just awful.
This is the Second time he has done this?
Oh no no. Who cares what he says to his therapist. Who cares what he ‘discovers’ about himself.
Do NOT agree to any counseling with this guy.
He is gone.
Hopefully, some of what he said about ending things you have in writing, texts, messages?
Gather your documents and take him to small claims court for half costs for everything.
I feel sorry for the pets but do not allow him to see them.
Check with your vet and make sure YOUR NAME is the one on file as who they belong to.
It would be worth talking to a lawyer to find out what you can claim, in detail.
You dodged a massive bullet. Better now than on the day of the wedding or afterward.
No matter what you do or what advice you take, it is written IN STONE that you do not take him back or talk to him ever again. I know you want closure but don’t even give him an opening/chance to explain himself. Don’t give him the luxury of ever having access to you ever again.
Do what you got to do to heal, cry it out, scream, punch a pillow, go to therapy- but is absolutely OVER.
What he did is a serious offense.
I’ll say this, because you absolutely adore your cats and it shows. If your ex could callously abandon them when they are so good and didn’t do anything wrong then him abandoning you isn’t a reflection on you but on him.
For the kitties, just being there for them while they grieve will help. My cat Demon was abandoned by his favorite person and he grieved similarly. And I just comforted him when he seemed to need it. It took a bit of time but he is good now and doesn’t have any unhappiness, though he is extra clingy to me. Cats are very human like and they’re probably feeling similar to you, so you can cry and grieve with them and let it out. They will understand and be there for you in return.
As for your ex fiance, it’s good he is out of your life. Someone who can do that so callously won’t ever give you the life you and your cats deserve because they will never value anyone but themselves.
You do not want to waste your time on any partner who would do this to you. If it were me I’d right down all the pain and hurt and process it-and after each writing session do something completely different and distracting like play a video game or Tetris- to help compartmentalize.
I had a family friend whose fiancé sent a text ending their “engagement” the day before their wedding. That was years ago. Now he’s a blip in her memory and her and her family with two kids in tow moved to Hawaii to live out there dreams just last week! It will get better, but the only way there is through all the emotions now.
I totally agree you dodged a bullet.
Warning: Be careful and try to avoid impulse actions. No ONS’s, don’t let “Retail Therapy” ease the pain. Take positive actions like exercise and self-improvement.
Avoid bad decisions like taking him back when the other women dumps him.