“Why did you pick the other woman over me, guys? What qualities stood out to you? 💔 #RelationshipAdvice #DatingTips #Heartbreak #ChoosingBetweenTwoWomen”
Curiosity-piquing question 🤔
Are you one of the men who had to make a choice between two women? What ultimately led you to pick the other girl over someone else?
Factors to Consider
1. Compatibility
– Did you feel a stronger emotional connection with the other woman?
– Were your values and goals more aligned with hers?
2. Chemistry
– Did you feel a deeper physical or intellectual attraction towards the other woman?
– Did you enjoy spending time with her more?
3. Communication
– Did the other woman communicate her feelings or needs better?
– Were you able to understand each other better?
Seeking Answers
Share your insights and experiences to help others understand the decision-making process behind picking one person over another. Your perspective could offer valuable guidance to those facing similar dilemmas. #ShareYourStory #RelationshipInsights
Remember, everyone’s preferences and reasons for choosing a partner are unique. It’s important to respect individual choices and learn from them rather than dwell on feelings of rejection. 💕 #SelfLove #PersonalGrowth
Personality has longer staying power than looks. If I am having fun in your presence then I will associate you with good feelings.
Both guys really let it all out, don’t they? If I was asked that, I would probably say something like we connect better, or that I feel we connect better. Something like that. Looks are only as good as a person is on the inside anyway, so as an older mature man, I wouldn’t necessarily choose the more attractive woman if she’s not as cool as the other one. Don’t get me wrong, looks are important, so if I’m dating someone, it isn’t about which one is hotter because I would be physically attractive to anyone I was dating anyway.
When I was younger your male friend was right, I definitely dropped a great girl for a hotter one and I regretted it for the next like 2 years after the whirlwind romance I picked did what they tend to do 🤷🏽♂️
Now that I’m older I pick the better personality fit. If you’re gonna spend a lot of time together, might as well pick someone for whom life together is easy and peaceful
A lack of morals/empathy/ambition/intelligence/education/personality. I always choose the interesting and stimulating ones over hot airheads. I’m looking for a partner, not for a balloon.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Just because that one guy thought that one girl was more compatible with him than you, doesn’t make you any less.
Dating is, generally, about the better match. There’s not some hierarchy of people where someone is better than another person – it’s all subjective.
What I mean is that if you are an avid rock climber and you are dating two women, one’s a rock climber and the other plays role playing games, then the better match for you is the rock climber.
That doesn’t make the rock climber better than the role player, in any objective sense. It just means that the rock climber is a better fit for the guy, since he also rock climbs.
Fun isn’t well defined. If your idea of fun is videogames and his is weightlifting, then him saying you aren’t very fun doesn’t mean much.
>He said he like her personality better and that she is energetic and fun. Ouch. I certainly made myself feel shitty by asking that question – like I’m the opposite of that and that she is everything I’m not.
The actual intrusive thoughts you should be fighting are the ones telling you that you need to appeal to and please everyone OP.
You don’t!
As someone with rejection sensitive dysphoria, I tend to do this too if I am not careful. I don’t think I will ever be able to see or experience rejection as a ‘good thing’, but I have learned that it is better to seek people who are into who I am already instead of dwelling on the people who need me to change who I am to care about me.
Not everyone needs or wants an energetic or constantly entertaining partner. You should try to find the sort of person who things boredom is an insulting term for stability.
>Confided in a male friend and he said she is probably just hotter.
This is probably a bad take. He does not know your ex’s inner mind, your ex does. I wouldn’t let this get to you.
You know, at the end of the day, compatibility and mutual respect are what forge the strongest connections. It’s not just about shared hobbies or one person’s energy level, it’s about feeling at ease with someone. A partner who can appreciate the quiet just as much as the adventures, and someone who sees you for who you are at your core. Sometimes the brightest flames burn out the fastest, and what you want is the kind of warmth that lasts through the coldest nights. Your value isn’t defined by someone’s inability to see that. The right person will recognize and cherish your unique energy, whether it’s vivacious or serene.
Yeah don’t put much much stock in what either of them are saying.
Everyone is different. Everyone needs something different. You want someone to choose you, and they’re out there.
His answer was shallow and immature and so was your friends.
I’ve been through a lot of shitty relationships and failed engagement and a failed marriage. I suffer from MDD. I didn’t meet the amazing woman I’m with now until I started putting myself first and ignoring all the noise.
You do you OP. Keep going, don’t settle for either of those losers opinions.
Don’t overthink it.
I had a friend who had 2 girls interested in him at the same time. One was really pretty, but an absolute asshole of a person. She insulted him a lot and it didn’t seem playful. The other was not the prettiest, but you could tell she actually liked him. Her jokes were playful, she went out of her way to make him things, she was considerate to him.
He dated the nice girl thank goodness and they are still together after 4 years.
One very tough but important realization in life is that almost everything has nothing to do with you. The things that went into creating his psyche that shape and inform his decisions had 99.9% nothing to do with you so to approach this as if it is somehow a reflection of you or your worth is self destructive at worst and, not to be insulting, kind of silly at best. It’s not an easy thing to accept, I have to remind myself everyday, but it’s important to accept because it will free you from ruminating and the negative thought cycles that come out of that. Book recommendation for you: Living from a Place of Surrender, it expands on this idea and it may be helpful if you’re having a tough time right now.
Had the same choice and went with energetic and fun. If a girl can’t be energetic and fun in the early courting stage its only going to get worse.
The biggest lie in human history is “Be honest”.
Look, there’s always someone hotter, prettier and more fun than you.
If you’re looking for a partner, remember, it’s like a court jury, you have to change One persons mind, not all.
Now, coming from experience, I picked the stable predictable gal over the fun hot one. 12 years later I went through a divorce because my stable predictable gal couldn’t keep her panties up.
Why do you want to torture yourself?
Accept the things you can’t change, gain courage to change the things you can and have the wisdom to know the difference.
A combination of things. When I was dating my wife I was also dating a different woman. Physically they couldn’t have been more different. My wife is 4’11” and about 95#. She’s basically an Asian lol doll. The other woman was a taller (maybe 5’7″) statuesque black women. On paper I guess my wife should have lost the decision making process. She was a broke college student getting her MBA and the other women was a pretty well established surgeon.
But there was something about my wife that clicked with me.
Yeesh.
I’ve definitely said a lot of shit I regret in my life, stuff I wish I could take back like the “whimper” in the anime scene in Kill Bill. But damn, actually telling someone the truth when they ask questions like this during a breakup has got to take the cake.
Ol’ boy should’ve said something like “Oh, you’re wonderful OP. I just. I dunno. I feel that spark with her, you know? I can’t put my finger on it. You’re both amazing people: gorgeous, fun, smart… I don’t know what it is, just ‘that feeling’ that tells me to go with her.”
I’ll have to remember this for my writing. Real people don’t talk like that ^. They say stupid shit like your former dude said.
Anyway, I know it’s cliche OP but for real, unless you really actually do suck and are lame (hint: you don’t and you’re not) then it really is him, not you. All that shit he said is just, like, his opinion, man.
On top of that, and so many guys forget this, you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t totally into you anyway. It’s a weird analogy but it’s like parenting, kinda: The answer should “Oh my god FUCK YES!” or nothing. Never a lukewarm “Eh I guess or whatever.”
You know what I mean? Like for the question “Do you want to be with me?” the answer should be excited enthusiasm and overwhelming desire. Same with “Do you want to be a parent?”
Because while both are rewarding and fulfilling and a fundamental facet of the human experience, they’re both demanding, take a lot of work and attention, and depend on the participation of another whole ass person.
So you don’t want someone who’s meh about you. You want someone who is totally all about holy fuck being with you. Just gaga for you.
I dunno. At least I think that’s what people want, because that’s what I want, who I want to be for someone else.*
Could be hardcore Dunning-Krueger in effect here: This is what I want so it must be what others want. I doubt it though. Just kinda extrapolating the golden rule (do unto others…) and drawing conclusions from observations over the years as well as my own experience.
You’re fine. It’s all good. Don’t settle for someone you’re not into, who isn’t into you. It’s better to be alone, trust me.
^(*I actually do have this. Happily married for many years and it’s been and is wonderful, mostly. I just had to word it in the hypothetical above to fit the vibe.)
Nah. The hotter girl doesn’t always win. It’s the girl that offers the life he desires.
I mean, on some objective level we live on a planet with billions of people. No matter how hot and amazing a person is, statistically there’s going to be millions of people who are hotter, funnier, more energetic, etc. You’ll never get anywhere if you evaluate your happiness based on those people existing.
Try to think about it in reverse. Imagine that he decided to date you exclusively and he told another woman that he decided to choose you instead because you were better in X/Y/Z areas, and she was really bummed about it. What general advice would you give her?
I pick whoever I generally enjoy being around more.
dating desirable men (or women) will lead to this result a lot of the time. they have multiple options so chances are they’re going to like somebody more than you, statistically speaking. it just comes with the territory. just because you’re not his cup of tea doesn’t mean you won’t be somebody else’s though. it’s better to get an honest answer from somebody instead of being strung along or lied to. in the age of dating apps you should consider yourself lucky for that.
some guys go for the woman they find more attractive, some go for a more compatible personality, others look for similar interests/lifestyle and goals. it honestly depends on personal preferences. for me it’s personality, lifestyle and how they carry themselves but another guy might decide based on the same metrics and get a totally different result.
> This stings.
But it shouldn’t. Look, you can meet someone that has 7 out of 10 characteristics you really like, end up together and be happy. Then you come across somebody that embodies 10 out of 10 characteristics that you like. It’s only natural to feel [more] attracted to them. This would be a confusion phase for most.
So don’t take it personally. You’ll likely somebody else’s 10 out of 10 match, while the other girl wouldn’t be. Don’t let it bring you down, move on and stay confident. Other people’s choices shouldn’t affect your self esteem and image.
You guys have options?
The answer may be that she’s hotter or more fun. Just remember to add “to him” after those descriptors. She’s hotter “to him”. Not objectively.
Welcome to our world (men). Women do this all the time and leave us totally confused. But here is how we keep our sanity. Don’t worry about the “why” and don’t try and compare yourself to the person you lost out to. It won’t change anything and just make you feel worse. Just move on and know that HE is the one missing out on YOU
He thought the other girl was better for him, not that she’s better than you.
I saw the title and thought this was going to be about cheating on a partner.
Is “dating multiple people at once” really the new norm? Or is this some kind of online dating phenomenon?
You’ll find someone who appreciates your qualities and will overall be more compatible. Just because he wasn’t the one doesn’t make you any less worthy.
You have to realise that it’s only an opinion.
Someone out there thinks you’re hideous.
While another person out there thinks you are a goddess.
Realise what reality is. Stop getting butthurt. It’s unhealthy.
Think you dodged a bullet. I did this but just told the person I didnt think it was gonna work out. I wouldnt go “I dont like you as much as the other girl, theyre way more fun and cool”
So, after years of being the guy the girls didn’t choose, I met my wife. She was the girl the guys didn’t choose. We were both more than happy to choose each other. Every person has different things they are looking for. While you may not check the boxes for one person, it doesn’t mean you won’t for another. Be patient and don’t let not being “chosen” yet make you think you aren’t worth choosing.
Honestly OP, you probably dodged a bullet. If the guy was inconsiderate enough to actually answer that question, knowing the effect it would bring, then his lack of character has just been exposed, really. Anyone with a modicum of emotional intelligence would know to let someone down gently, and realize that it has little to do with the person they are breaking up with. What a dick! You deserve better, OP! You’re beautiful! Don’t worry! It’ll work out. Also, remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, no?
Welcome to glimpse into daily life of a man, that is what we call – rejection