#PeriodPain #WomenEmpowerment #Empathy #SupportSystem
Hey there! 🌸 It’s interesting to delve into the reasons why some women might want others to go through the same period pain they do. Let’s break it down together!
## Empathy and Understanding
Empathy Bonds Us Together
– Women who’ve experienced intense period pain may want others to go through it to feel understood and validated in their own experiences.
– Sharing the pain can create a sense of camaraderie and connection, fostering empathy within the community.
Seeking Validation and Support
– Some women believe that going through period pain is a universal experience that all women should empathize with.
– By sharing their pain, they might be seeking validation and support from their peers.
## Societal Expectations and Norms
Cultural Norms and Expectations
– Societal norms may reinforce the idea that experiencing period pain is a rite of passage for women, making some believe it should be a shared experience.
– This can lead to a belief that enduring pain is a sign of strength and resilience.
Breaking the Taboo Surrounding Periods
– Encouraging others to go through period pain can be a way to challenge societal taboos surrounding menstruation and promote open conversations about women’s health.
## Personal Experiences and Perspectives
Individual Perspectives and Beliefs
– Each woman’s perspective on period pain might be shaped by her own experiences, beliefs, and cultural background.
– Some may genuinely feel that sharing the pain can empower and unite women.
In conclusion, the desire for women to want others to go through the same period pain could stem from various factors like empathy, validation, societal expectations, and personal beliefs. It’s important to recognize and respect each individual’s experiences and perspectives in navigating this topic. 🌺 #WomenSupportingWomen
I think it is more them looking for validation of their own experiences rather than wishing another woman pain.
Women have been taught their entire lives that being a woman means having to suffer—in menstruation, in childbirth, and in the submission and powerlessness that have been imposed upon them for the vast majority of the history of civilization.
Add to that the demonstrable fact that when women seek medical treatment for pain, they’re usually ignored until a serious condition has already developed. *Doctors* are telling women, explicitly as well as implicitly, that they’re *supposed* to be in pain, and that that’s *normal and healthy*. This is why conditions like endometriosis don’t get diagnosed until long after they’ve rendered a woman infertile, despite years of complaints of pain and easily diagnosed symptoms (edit: there’s a woman in the thread who experienced exactly this kind of medical dismissal for decades).
The net effect of all of this is that when women experience very painful periods, everything they’ve ever learned tells them *this is just part of being a woman. Deal with it.* Enough years of that, and the pain itself becomes incorporated as part of the person’s identity.
When you tell someone that something they’ve staked their identity upon is unnecessary, they’re going to get angry about it. This applies to everything, ranging from menstrual pain to politics to religion. It applies to men too, upon whom women are increasingly less financially dependent, and who are very angry about it in the form of the redpill and incel movements.
tl;dr it’s pretty much internalized misogyny.
It’s not that we want you to be in pain. You just can’t empathize with it. Many people that don’t have period pain do say some dismissive statements, and it’s frustrating. Like “I don’t see what the big deal is, just slap and ice pack on it, my period doesn’t prevent me from doing [sports, work, school work].” These have all been said to be btw.
To take it to the next level, I have stage IV endometriosis. It’s difficult when I explain what I’m going through, and someone says, “Omg, I have bad cramps sometimes that sound just like that!”
No. Endo pain is not a cramp. It’s a flair up, it’s constant, intense pain. It’s in the top 20 most painful diseases. It needs surgery to diagnose and for treatment. There is no cure. It prevents me from working because I’m in pain every single day, yet endo is not considered a disability. It’s not one/two days of bad cramps that happen once every 6-8 months.
We all have our shit to deal with, no one is trying to win the suffering Olympics. Just try to empathize. Doctors, for the most part, dismiss pain. It’s frustrating. It takes years and years of pain just to be taken seriously. For friends/family to dismiss it, too, is also frustrating. If you don’t experience pain just say, “that sounds difficult, I hope you can get some relief.” It seems like you aren’t listening and are boasting a bit.
If you hate your job because it’s horrible and your boss is mean, do you want to talk to a coworker who loves their job and their boss is awesome?
Shared misery is a way of building human connection. We’re in this together. All humans do that.
I have horrible period cramps, and I have tried many different birth controls that have their own side effects, or didn’t fix the issue. I’ve never gotten mad at someone for being lucky enough to not have to go through what I experience. I do struggle with dismissiveness though—someone just thinks it’s as easy as going to the doctor and the issue is over, then I’m gonna be a little salty.
I don’t necessarily disagree with you that periods shouldn’t be causing debilitating pain, but keep in mind we’ve all been told our whole lives that being a woman is painful, period cramps will be so bad you’ll have to stay home from school/work sometimes. This is normalized. It’s in tv shows, movies, books, magazines, advertisements for Midol. To tell someone that there must be something wrong with them for routine symptoms that they’ve accepted as normal for them is off putting and honestly a bit hostile. Imagine telling someone with acne that *you* don’t have that problem, so clearly there must be something wrong with *them* and they really really need to see a doctor.
My personal experience:
My mum told me she had the same issues before pregnancy, so it’s normal.
When I vomited and fainted because of the pain, I asked my dad to take me to the gyno when he came home from work. He really wasn’t in the mood, but he did bring me and kicked me out of the car near the doctors building. I went there alone, and the nurses laughed at me and gave me a cup of coffee.
Also, my dad and his mum wanted to go to the beach. I told them I was in pain. Before they took me back home, they let me sit and wait in the car without A/C during a very hot summer day for 45 minutes.
I tried to call an ambulance once because I couldn’t stand the pain, I was home alone, and my parents were at work. They told me I’m not an emergency because having your period is not an issue.
I have so many more stories! Finally, at 42 years old, I received the OK for a hysterectomy.
Neither female teachers, female doctors, nor female nurses, not even my own mum ever took me seriously. I still feel a lot of resentment. Today, I’m talking loudly about those issues. Any woman who denies those problems because she doesn’t suffer won’t be spared, I will straighten her head!
I just wanna say, if you’re having really bad pain and heavy bleeding, ask your doctor to check for a fibroid. They’re super common and can be removed to alleviate pain. I had no idea it didn’t have to be like that until my fibroid was gone. Unfortunately they can come back but I got several years of relief before another one started causing pain.
happy that u don’t have period pain but the whole “you should go see a doctor” advice is probably what pisses them off since doctors are known for minimizing and brushing off period pain. I can tell u this first hand as endometriosis runs in my family. maybe just stay in ur lane and don’t try to give advice about stuff u know nothing about
“Normalizing” just means that we want it to be taken seriously by medical professionals and treated as a real problem by our friends and family. Most people who have bad period pain have talked to doctors, and they don’t do much for you. Most people who have this experience just want to be able to talk about it and be accommodated in the world as we’d handle any other health problem.
In general, with any medical problem, if someone complains to you, they are not looking for “go to a doctor” type advice. They are looking for empathy and compassion. What you are describing feels like it minimizes what MANY people go through – saying “mine aren’t that bad” comes off as a little insensitive.
1. Why not ask this in a sub with a higher proportion of women if you genuinely want to discuss it?
2. I find that when I express that I have pain, people who do not seem to want to minimize my experience. Guess it goes both ways. But people who don’t have pain don’t need the medical community to take them seriously. There’s numbers in solidarity. You can be a voice for others just because you’re not directly impacted by an issue.
I’ve seen this often when women bring up how their IUD insertion hurt in discussions where people are saying we should be offered some kind of pain management or mild sedation. Mine hurt like crazy. Another woman arguing that it doesn’t hurt, doesn’t help other women trying to advocate for pain management during the procedure. There’s no value in showing up and going on about how you don’t experience the same issue in a conversation about people who do. Kinda be supportive by being an advocate or be supportive by staying out of it type of thing.
Hmm I have fairly easy periods. In high school my group of female friends jokingly referred to it as a “unicorn period”: it lasts exactly 72 hours, is super regular, isn’t super heavy, not a ton of other symptoms, etc. It’s changed a little as I’ve gotten older but not a ton.
In my same friend group I had friends with TERRIBLE periods. Including two who would later go on to be diagnosed with endometriosis. One of them would get faint, vomit, have to miss school. I felt awful for them.
But other than a sort of rueful envy, nobody ever seemed to begrudge me the fact that mine were easier, or wish pain on me. It was more of a sigh and a “luckkkkyyyyyyyyyy” sort of comment.
Honestly it can be a sensitive topic. I wish someone had told me sooner I needed to see a doctor but seeing *a* doctor didn’t actually help… I had to see EIGHT doctors over 5 years (and that was the 5 years I believed it was an issue vs the 5 years I thought I was a freak for being unable to “cope with puberty” for a grand total of 10 years) and become so disabled by the pain/anemia/other I lost my job before anything was done about it. All to get diagnosed with a condition 11% of afab folks experience—endometriosis—which makes it absurdly common for it to be such a humiliating and painful ordeal in order to get diagnosed. I was called a drug addict, I was called crazy, malingering, depressed, whiny, dramatic, childish, I was left alone in exam rooms with no contact with the doctor for hours, and then expelled from some offices for bleeding too much on the exam tables. I dealt with a ruptured cyst for hours unmedicated and lost enough blood I struggled to stand up before anyone considered I wasn’t making it up.
I feel like having bad periods would be maybe only half as traumatic as it is if the medical system actually helped folks who experienced intolerable menstruation.
As someone who struggled with periods that made me throw up/pass out/anemic/hospitalized, I don’t think these women necessarily want you to experience the pain they do, but probably feel patronized to be told to “go to the doctor” or that severe pain isn’t “normal”. We know this. Many of us have been to the doctor countless times with no results and no one taking us seriously. It’s a sore topic, and it’s worse when people try to give unsolicited advice because people who experience severe period pain experience a lot of professionals who do not take them seriously.
Also related, when people try to tell me that birth control is so bad for me or this or that or I need to try this diet to “balance my hormones”. I know birth control probably isnt great. But its the only thing that helped with my anemia, and stopped my hospitalizations from periods, and gave me my life back. For now, no doctor will give me answers that I seek. So for now, this is working for me. And I hope that one day, there are answers.
So to answer the question, I think it’s just a sore topic for a lot of women and saying something like “see a doctor” diminishes the struggles these people have no doubt already experienced.
It’s not about wanting others to go through the same thing. It’s frustrating that people will take the word of women with easier periods and apply that to those of us who have extreme symptoms.
I feel suspicious of women who say their periods aren’t bad when there’s a conversation centred around hard period symptoms. I personally feel like they are chiming in to call the rest of us liars or dramatic, since I have met many women with that attitude.
Along with that, saying things like “you should see a doctor for that” isn’t helpful – many doctors across the world will not pay mind to severe period symptoms. There are many stories where we have been dismissed, and even after persistently urging our struggles our tests will come up inconclusive if we do get them. Endometriosis can be very hard to diagnose.
There are many women who have only found out they have indeed got endometriosis after having a c-section birth, since it may not show up and the only way to know is by actually seeing inside.
There is also very little research on the female reproductive organs, and specifically endometriosis.
We are frustrated. We want understanding and empathy, but every step of the way we are told we are wrong. So we try our best to suck it up, continue working through sharp twisting pains, weakness, fatigue, nausea, heavy bleeding, head spins and visions going black because what else can we do when no one believes.
Because plenty of doctors will just tell you to take some basic over the counter medicine or tell you you’re being dramatic.
I would never wish pains my wife has on anyone. Endometriosis and the pain sometimes makes her throw up it’s so bad. Now she’s on meds to control it and the meds cause acid reflux which means she’s not eating beef, fried stuff, not drinking wine or beer or any alcohol. It’s torture. All so she can avoid the pain of endometriosis.
They want empathy
I’m sure there’s some feeling about how unfair it is, since it’s the same bodily function but the pain level/bleeding amount varies so wildly from person to person.
But also, those with extreme period pain and/or bleeding have almost ALWAYS talked to their doctor about it. Doctors brush it off, while medical trials have only just started including women but only post menopausal women because we create too many variables, and medicine as a whole just doesn’t have answers for MANY female reproductive issues. Things like endometriosis and PCOS have no true fixes, so you telling them they should see a doctor is infuriating.
Even getting a diagnosis for some of these issues takes YEARS of trying, I’ve been telling doctors since I was fifteen that my bleeding and pain levels are crazy high, I’m now in my thirties. And all that’s ever, EVER!!!! been offered is hormonal birth control. And guess what? I’ve used that, it makes it worse. And that includes women doctors giving me the brush off, I’m guessing because they don’t have bad periods…which probably is why you think women want you to go through the same pain, they wish all their women doctors would feel the same pain and realize things need to change.
I’ve never wished the pain and despair of my period on anyone. And whenever someone tells me about their pain my first instinct is to share fixes that have worked for me.
That being said if someone tries to diminish what I’ve gone through, it sends me straight over the edge and I will explain to them in graphic detail what it’s like to lose two weeks of every month to something you have no control over and no socially acceptable way to explain why.
Because we’ve been to drs and have been told it’s normal to be in pain.
Like no. It’s not. They did an ultrasound on me when I was TWELVE and just said my extremely heavy and painful periods were normal. Nevermind that I would vomit from the pain and CONTINUE to vomit for three days straight with the inability to even keep water down.
Nevermind that I was losing control of my bowels, literally vomiting into a bag while sitting on the toilet. Nevermind that I would constantly pass out from the pain and dehydration.
Yeah it was just “normal” 👍🏼
Wait til menopause! Mine was easy according to the horror stories I had read, was dreading it big time. My auntie told me, when I said I never had those night, anytime sweats….well maybe your symptoms are delayed!😳 and I’d been through it a few years at that time.
That’s probably not what’s going on. They want to be acknowledged as having a problem. They may have found there has been no help when they’ve sought it. Not every medical issue has a current solution. It can be insulting when people assume you are a just a whiner and haven’t already tried every treatment option you could get access to.
> Why does it seem like some women want other women to go through the same period pain they do?
I have never seen that happen. I have seen women be like “ugh you’re so luckyyy” but we don’t want anyone else going through this debilitating pain.
> Like when I’ll talk abt how my periods are not rlly bad,
Why do you do that? Especially around people who might be going through extreme pain? It’d be like me going around saying “I’ve never been in a home invasion so I don’t have any trauma 😇.” Like okay? Good for you? But saying that to someone who might have had a traumatic experience around that is rubbing it in.
> and that, generally speaking, if you’re having extreme period pain you should probably see a dr bc you could actually have a medical condition that does not need to be normalized
See a doctor? Omg I never thought of that!!! I’ve been living with excruciating pain for over a decade but now that you’ve mentioned it I’ll bring it up /s.
(I’ve been trying to get treatment for this for 12 years. They just put me on different birth controls and tell me “some women experience pain with their periods unfortunately 🥺 Okay come back in 3 months and we’ll review your BC.”
> women will get so defensive and even mad abt it.
Yes, because you’re being patronising and acting like other women are stupid.
>It’s like, do they want every woman to be in excruciating pain every month to the point where they can’t function?
No? But it seems like thats the only thing that’d help you have some empathy and stop being so patronising.
> Like I’m no expert, but normalizing medical conditions is probably a bad idea.
Nobody’s normalising medical conditions except the doctors gaslighting & minimising pain/heavy bleeding/nausea etc etc etc. what are you talking about?
No, that’s not what they’re saying. You’re being incredibly dense to assume what you go through is normal for everyone. People don’t like being told there’s something wrong with them. Sometimes period pain is a symptom of something else, but often it’s just what it is. Some women have much worse periods. I’d get bitchy with you too if I told you I have bad pain and you started acting like you know my body better than I do and telling me to do something I’ve probably already done. It doesn’t mean I want you to be in pain, I just want you to understand that other people have different experiences.
It’s because the doctors don’t take us seriously.
When I was 16, I was experiencing abdominal pain, really painful periods (more than was normal for me) and I was in and out of my (male) GP’s for months. He got me ultrasounds and told me they’d come back “all clear, nothing to worry about.”
After a whole year of the symptoms worsening, being in and out of my GP’s, more ultrasounds with the same results, “all clear, nothing to worry about” I had abdominal pains so bad that I had to be sent to the ER. They did an ultrasound, referred me to a female doctor and I had my medical records from my GP sent over to her.
Turns out, I had ovarian cysts, large ones. They’d been there since my first original ultrasound and only gotten bigger in the following ultrasounds my GP had had me take. Not once did he tell me, and he’d been my doctor my entire life at that point. I never went back.
When some women dismiss my experience or say I’m lying or exaggerating about the pain or sickness; yeah I’m going to wish the hounds of hell on them 🤷🏾♀️
I’m fine with everyone’s experiences being different and it’s great that some women have very mild symptoms. We can agree on that. It’s when I’m called a faker that I get bothered.
1. Misery loves company
2. My wife has extremely bad cramps and has been to several OBs about it and they don’t have a better answer for her than naproxen, and I know that’s not radically uncommon. Saying their experience doesn’t need to be normalized is extremely insulting and condescending.
no, we don’t. but some of yall dismiss our pain because “oh mine isn’t bad so yours cant be! get over it”
i don’t want to go on birth control, which is the only solution doctors have given to me. one doctor even just told me to take painkillers; which clearly dont work.
This whole post pissed me off.
“Your period pain is not normal and you shouldn’t normalize it” is PATRONIZING. We don’t care if you feel pain or not.
This is blowing my mind.
Nobody wants you to be in pain just because they are. But saying “go to the doctor; pain isn’t normal,” can feel obnoxiously glib to someone who has been to many doctors and been told that it IS normal.
keep unsolicited advice to yourself & watch reactions change.
Have you never heard the expression misery loves company?
Some people just don’t want anyone else to have it better than they do.
Also, this post makes you look like a Class A fucking asshole.
I think they just don’t want to be dismissed and told that there must be something wrong with them if they have pain. And that if they just go to the doctor it will be fixed and go away. It doesn’t necessarily mean that there is a medical condition and they shouldn’t be treated as if they are playing the martyr.