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How could we possibly know?
i’m curious what you define as women showing interest in you. i’ve had a decent dating history but it’s not like these involved women professing their love for me at first sight in awe at my radiance
i’m not saying this in a negative way at all i just want to better understand where you’re coming from, what is it that you’re expecting to happen? is it that you’re expressing your feelings and no women seem to ever reciprocate it? or is that nobody is coming forward to you with romantic intent. because the latter isn’t really a common experience
all of my relationships have begun as friends, where playful interactions and gradual bonding lead to an eventual moment where i would ask them to spend time together. extend that over a couple more instances and that becomes a relationship
woman making the first step is still very seldom today, maybe you are just to passive?
You’re probably just missing the ques, most of us men are just shitty as picking up on these things.Β
If you’re also a little shy and/or minfully respectful that would impact you’re success in social setting as well, I’d assume this is probably likely as you have no problem with securing female friends. It goes against how we are told to act around women these days but sometimes you do have to shoot your shot and make your interest clear, this can obviously done without being a shit head and if some random takes exception to you hitting on them in a respectful manner well that really is their problem.
I didnβt read it all but this is a conversation only someone who knows you well can help with.
Generalisations about genders is what breeds incels, donβt go there. Imho
Valid question, just wonβt lead anywhere constructive in this forum imho.
I think that you may benefit from a more Quagmire approach. Be straightforward and ask a ton of women. Once you have one yes you may learn a lot and become much more adept. Women favor boldness. Make sure to take a risk. Let her have some power in that you may be rejected. If you are rejected be cool. Don’t be dejected. Much love to you OP
If you’d had success on dating apps but you haven’t outside there, I’d theorize that it could be that the clear context of “we are here for a date” or “I am looking for a relationship” is helpful. In other words, in other contexts there may be a communication breakdown or a lack of clarity that you are expressing romantic or sexual interest and/or that you are seeking a date. This is just a theory though – like everyone says, need more info to be sure and also your friends would be a good resource. This lack of clarity is something I struggle with myself.
It’s sad that you had to immediately disclaim yourself at the beginning.
Why are your best friends all women?
As a woman, I dislike having to explain why I might reject someone. My goal is simply to find compatibility, so why should I list your flaws? If I were to reject someone because I prefer chocolates over strawberries, the other person might pretend to like chocolates when they actually prefer strawberries. What if the issue goes beyond just preferences to deeper aspects of personality? Incompatibility is often complex and hard to put into words. If I’m not interested, it means I’m just not interested. Unless there are important issues that need to be pointed out or something that I might find unattractive can be changed, then itβs worth the discussion but most of the time itβs just simple as βI donβt like youβ
Are you so sure that they haven’t? I can’t count the number of times I’ve found out after the fact that someone showed interest in me.
In my case I just dismissed any advances as me misinterpreting a situation or simply not believing it.
Self confidence came later for me and with it the revelation that some women really did flirt with me I was just ignorant to the fact.
They might be showing interest. They just think that looking at you is equivalent to making the first move.
It sounds like you have a normal adult experience
**Ask.**
That’s it. It sounds like you’ve got the social skills to not make an ass of yourself, just ask someone you’re interested in in person on a date. If they say no? Then that’s fine, if they change their mind later they at the very least know you’re interested in trying. If their friendship with you is flimsy or superficial enough that it breaks from being asked then it was very likely not going to be a good friendship in the first place.
They’re never going to say yes if you don’t ask.
I’m saying this as someone that’s been chronically oblivious to every subtle hint of interest people have given me over the years. Just bite the bullet and take the hit to the ego. It has the added effect of making it easier to face that kind of rejection.
There could be a lot of reasons. You might lack charisma. I know a lot of people who have quite interesting hobbies and arenβt bad looking butβ¦ they have the charisma of wet cardboard.
Ofc without knowing you there is no way for anyone here to actually know the reason, cause there is plenty of possibilities. Iβm just throwing in one of them.
Are you really sure no woman has ever shown interest in you? Women usually never make the first move and maybe they assumed you weren’t interested in them. Or you didn’t notice signals.
Looks like to me you’ve had a good bit of success with the opposite sex. But you haven’t found someone you really click with, and she clicks with you. That can be elusive.
Rather than quizzing your buddies on what you’re doing wrong, I suggest you focus on the qualities of your ideal target.
Spend some time thinking about the kind of person you’d like in a long term relationship. Do you want someone you can play online games with? Or are you a gym rat who wants a partner who loves fitness as much as you? Or you’re a gardener or foodie enthusiast? Or you’ve been dreaming of restoring an old house?
It looks like to me you know how to meet people, but it is easier to meet the right people, if you are focused.
you could make too many jokes about yourself, some women view self-depreciating humor as you being gay or not being confident even though you are.
you might not be that hot, idk I’ve seen the dating accounts and inboxes of dudes that were 7/10s or hotter from me judging how close they look to good looking movie actors cause I don’t have a fine tuned radar for judging men, and they are full, so you probably arent getting a crazy amount of attention you are “missing” or not understanding is all I’ll say.
If you tell other women your best friends are women, its possible they could assume you are gay.
How close do you relate to these women, I assume you talk about more feminine/girly topics with them, do you talk about these things around other women?
Do these women trauma dump to you, or how do you respond when they vent their life frustrations to you.
Chivalry is kind of dead, dating apps have made us a s*x-hungry society, the world wasnt like this 20 years ago but s*x has become the focal point for many relationships and so many people are unhappy in relationships because theyre compatible in bed but dont enjoy each others company much.
How could anybody possibly know?
Maybe it’s all the pizza stains on your shirt?
Without knowing you, how in the world would we know?! You could give off creepy vibes. You could be a pathological liar. You could be pushy. Without knowing you in real life, it is impossible to know. Iβd suggest asking your female friends for their impressions.
Id bet good money they have. But you don’t see it.
Had an very jarring realization when I was 27 about all the times I hung out with my lady friends in the middle of the night, sneaking out while in highschool…..they always seemed upset after a few hours! What did I do wrooo….OMG
Sounds like you have self awareness so assuming youβre not giving creeper vibes youβre possibly being friend zoned. Attraction is a mysterious thing. Thereβs no magic formula. The best advice I could give is not to be shy about making a move. Of course you still need to be respectful and open, not pushy, but definitely be assertive when youβre attracted to someone. Ask them out. The worst they can do is say no.
How often are you putting yourself out there? If you meet someone you find attractive, do you take the next step and ask her out? Or do you just wait and hope that things happen organically? It can be hard putting yourself out there, and rejection can sting, but you may have more success if you take a more active role.
You say you’ve got female friends and you’ve dated and hooked up in the past plus had success on dating apps. What are you looking for that you are not getting? It’s unclear to me what you think “women showing interest” would look like if not exactly what you have experienced.
You sound way too careful not to upset anyone. I’m pretty damn sure it’s that.
Iβve got a close male friend like this – heβs a great guy, weβve been friends since high school. He gets on really well with my boyfriend (I joke that he stole my best mate lol).
He just seems unlucky in love. Weβre only mid twenties but he started getting a bit reclusive and doesnβt love trying new things, which makes it harder to meet people. His self esteem can be low especially regarding his body even though he does go to the gym and eats relatively well.
My boyfriend and I were trying to work out why heβs not having success with love or romance (heβs been dating a lot but never quite gets into the exclusive stage) and tbh we think itβs because heβs not ready to share his life with someone. And he has a bit of a wound from when a previous girlfriend dumped him and gave him no closure (I know, how utterly awful!)
I really think the solution for my friend is TIME. And maybe a bit of opening up and trying to work through that pain he still refers back to when heβs about to take the step into something new. I am by no means an expert in relationships (only been in two, one is my current relationship and I hope to be with him forever!) but one thing I do now is be really intentional with what I want and allow myself to say no if itβs not a definite yes.
Some call me picky but I am dating to marry so I was very straightforward at first and communicated clearly what I want and what Iβm like/my personal failures. It meant I found someone on the exact same level as me who – very importantly – was on a similar journey to meβ¦ and I was able to settle down with them.
With my friend heβs not 100% sure what he wants from a relationship and has admitted that multiple times. He wants companionship but doesnβt want to change the way he lives.
He is quite risk averse. I believe in time he will understand more about what he wants and he can approach dating with more clear standards for what he expects and what he can give. I wonder if any of this resonates with you.
Smile more π
Not enough information. There is surely a reason, but you did not mention it.
Do your hobbies bring you into conversation with new women and give you time to build relationships with them? If not that’s probably why you’re not getting much irl. It’s not uncommon for men to struggle to get connections irl since they don’t typically get approached regularly by women.Β
What’s your flirt game like man?
You’re social, have interests, solid normy. But that just makes you a nice safe guy.
Practice some banter on the waitress at Starbucks, go into social situations with some energy, have funny stories, challenge people to a few silly things, and so on.
βMy bestfriends are womenβ – answer right there.
Sometimes you just need to jump through some hoops. You say you do get the occasional date, so let those run the course instead of finding a reason those relationships are not “good enough”. Like working a lower end job until you find something better, it does matter if you still show up.
A woman is looking for a man that will provide and sustain her through motherhood. She is looking for a man that possess qualities that she deems desirable to pass to her offspring. The more you can provide in both these things the more desirable you will be
I have a friend who could describe himself as you do. What he doesn’t know is that he cannot help but to dominate every conversation and turn everything into his issues. He becomes very defensive if you approach this subject and brings up the many good traits he has but never quite sees his overbearing nature. Otherwise a kind and fun person, but you need a break after a few hours.
based on your text post, women have clearly shown interest in you. what you really wanna know is how to make relationships last, which is much more complex. but you already have the fundamentals.
Finding someone is partially down to luck. You’re probably just being unlucky or you haven’t cast a wide enough net.
> What is it about me?
since youβve been thnking about this for a while, what do you think are some potential reasons why women arent interested in you, given your positive qualities?
You are simply not good looking enough
How old are you? Give it time.
They generally do men just miss the signs all the time
Dating online Is more comfortable for everyone, it skips the weird part when you don’t know if the other person is interested or not.
They Donβt find you attractive
Provided you’re accurate in your self assessment, you sound like how I used to be.
Key difference for me was finding your “place”. For instance at bars and clubs, even the homely girls would reject me. Put me in some sort of group activity (intermural sports, volunteering, etc.) and I’m getting phone numbers without asking. Call it your vibe or whatever, you need your place to express it.