#MaleLoneliness #LonelinessEpidemic #MentalHealth #Wellness #SocialConnections
Hey there! π Let’s dive into an important topic that affects many men and their well-being – the male loneliness epidemic. π¨βπ¦°π In today’s fast-paced world, it’s essential to address the root causes of this concerning trend and explore effective solutions. Let’s break it down for you! π€
Factors contributing to male loneliness:
1. Societal expectations:
– Traditional gender roles may discourage men from expressing vulnerability and seeking emotional support.
– Pressure to conform to stoicism and independence can lead to feelings of isolation.
2. Lack of social connections:
– Busy work schedules and modern lifestyles can limit opportunities for men to build meaningful relationships.
– Relocation, divorce, or loss of friendships can result in social isolation.
3. Mental health stigma:
– Men may face societal stigma when seeking help for depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues.
– Fear of judgment or appearing weak may prevent men from seeking professional support.
Strategies to combat male loneliness:
1. Foster open communication:
– Encourage men to express their emotions and vulnerabilities without judgment.
– Create safe spaces for open discussions about mental health and well-being.
2. Build supportive networks:
– Engage in group activities, join clubs, or volunteer to meet like-minded individuals.
– Prioritize quality over quantity in relationships to cultivate deep connections.
3. Seek professional help:
– Encourage men to seek therapy, counseling, or support groups for mental health issues.
– Normalize the idea of seeking professional help as a sign of strength and self-care.
Remember, it’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being. Together, we can break the stigma surrounding male loneliness and create a supportive community for all. πͺπ #YouAreNotAlone #BreakTheStigma #SupportEachOther
If itβs not through conversation then it is through physical action. Two people physically acting together in some combined way through a shared experience.
If that is true then the move to solely online interaction instead of physical interaction is part of the problem.
I second this question. I see the same thing all the time. Men talking about how there’s a loneliness epidemic and a suicide epidemic and a mental health epidemic – but then also be adamant that male friendships are better than female friendships, and men just bond differently.
I think lack of social skills and being too comfortable is what causes loneliness in men. A lot of guys donβt know how to have basic conversations and they donβt have reasons to learn. They are content distracting themselves with videos games and other bullshit. Once in a while theyβll have a moment of clarity and come to a place like this to talk about being lonely, but ultimately nothing ever forces them to change so they donβt.
My husband’s friends bond over games, but generally are very topic focused. For some reason, very few people volunteer information about themselves in their group. I have most of them on Instagram and didn’t realize my husband wasn’t aware two of his friends had kids until a third person actually brought it up to the group chat. He didn’t know one of them got engaged or married last year.
They also are all very self-focused and not very “do it for the bros”. It’s been months since he’s seen any of them, three of them live in our city, but even though they game every night together, they won’t grab a burger together or go see a movie like I do with my friends.
My husband’s extremely lonely, but he’s the exact same way as his friends. Won’t play a game if he’s not interested in it just to hang out with them, won’t go out to see them if he’s not feeling it. There’s no mental correlation for him that the fact that he’s not doing anything of connective value that makes him feel like he knows people, despite the fact that he’s acknowledge that he would feel isolated without me and my driving energy that at least gets him to see our couple friends in person.
I’m a male and not really lonely, maybe just because I’m not a huge asshole. Most of these males that are complaining about “loneliness” often just turn out to be huge assholes that nobody likes. And so they escape to video games, porn and anime, instead of working on themselves. And then they wonder why they’re so “lonely”.
Different men will give different reasons based on their experience and perspective. Me personally, I blame men for male loneliness and I’m a dude. I’ve literally watched multiple generations of men make it impossible for their sons and themselves to instill those values which would act as a counterbalance to the societal factors which contribute to this epidemic. Sure, a few dudes can break the cycle by valuing vulnerability, honest push back on self-defeating worldviews, and so on, but the history of men proves again and again a few non-conformist dudes mean absolutely nothing to the general rule.
Also, men have a terrible habit of romanticizing and even exulting their loneliness to a kind of martyrdom, or unique rite. Heavy who wears the crown, one must bear his cross, Sigma memes and so on. Plenty of men would even choose violence against themselves and others than demystify their struggles and see them for what they are.
If I were to talk this frankly even to the mildest of my male peers they would either take offence or disregard every word because I don’t fit their idea of worthy masculinity, or would be poking holes in their special story about male suffering.
Also, a lot of women are out here incredibly lonely. The factors which contribute to that are not entirely different from the male situation. But that’s another conversation.
I think its in how men are raised not to outwardly show/express emotion, especially when that emotion is seen as a sign of ‘weakness’. It becomes hard for men to ask for help and to explicitly ‘bond’.
Like one of the comments here mention that the bonding may be through physical activities, men can have a sense of belonging in a group when they go out and do stuff together that’s the bonding men have.
But, when it comes to asking for help, advice, support, taking about feelings, etc. there’s that hurdle of ‘showing weakness’ again.
Its not easy (yet) for men to talk about being depressed, going through a bad break-up, losing a job, or feelings of inadequecy because its expected of men to be stoic, powerful, and independent.
This of course can change and I think it is, as men slowly start to assert that they too should be able to express their feelings outwardly.
One observation I made from that post you mentioned – Iβve noticed a lot of men turn to women to fulfill their emotional needs. Either a romantic partner or platonic women friends.
Many of my guy friends mention they like having friends who are women. I donβt know if itβs just that they find it easier to open up to women or what.
I think it has something to do with emotional vulnerability. If you want to really bond with someone as a close friend, you need to share deep things. Stuff like fears, hopes, childhood traumas, and insecurities. But men are taught to never share anything that might make them vulnerable, so they don’t talk about the deep stuff.
I also think that concerns over specifically the *male* loneliness epidemic are a bit misplaced. Everyone is getting more lonely, regardless of gender. Men might be experiencing it slightly more, but it’s an issue that’s affecting everyone.
Theres a lot of factors at play, in general loneliness is on the rise for pretty much everyone. Young men in particular seem to being taking the hit harder and I think this has to do with social dynamics, some long standing and some newer. Girls in general are much more social, theyre typically conditioned very early on to be more interested in social activities. Think stereotypical girl things like gossip, being popular etc.
Guys on the other hand often are less interested in being more social than they need to be, typically social activities for guys are secondary to another pursuit like a team activity they enjoy. Gaming is a big example of this, sure i might have a group of friends I talk to 5 nights a week but its for the game we’re playing, this might be the only context we talk and the interactions are probably relatively centered around the activity itself.
Newer trends like social media and online dating are a big factor too. Its pretty easy nowadays to rely on tech for most of your socializing if you want to so if a guy isnt specifically putting forth effort into getting out and socializing its very easy for alot of guys to only socialize through tech mediums outside of work, hell maybe even then if theyre remote.
Gender roles might also be at play here some, men are often taught at least subconsciously that they should be independent and self sufficient. Women also dont depend on being in relationships like they used to and feel far less pressured to be in one if they dont have anyone in their life they really want to be with. A lot more guys are single now than in previous generations so theyre missing out on that default companionship that many probably had in the past.
I get the impression that people think men can handle it. Like people check in on people their worried about, and no one worries about me, so people don’t check on me, making me feel lonely. I know that my friends would be there any time I asked, but I have straight up expressed that I am lonely and would like to spend more time together or have more connections, and it didn’t really change much. I just do get the impression that the people around me think my feelings are robust, which they are, but still.
Yep Iβve seen this a lot too I work at male work site, now I always girls were bitches but all these dudes do is compete with each other, bully each other and out each other down. Yeah itβs all funny at the time but when they go home alone at night and think of everything that happened no wonder they are depressed.
bell hooks said it best-
βThe first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves.β
iβm a trans guy who transitioned fairly late in life and it really opened my eyes to how much men struggle with emotions and community. men crave connection so much but often lack the emotional literacy needed to accurately identify and assess their own needs and boundaries. itβs a terrible vicious cycle.
In my case, my friends are all just so busy with raising small children, they don’t have any time to meet anymore…
Once your romantic relationship capsizes, you are mostly on your own…
The thing is – even when men bond, the typical mode of men is still to wear a public mask of power and control. We don’t talk about our emotions or struggles, and without having someone we can confide in on that level we feel lonely no matter how many chummy, play sports and drink beer friends we have.
I do not feel like I fit in the “male loneliness” problem because I have a few close friends that I can be vulnerable with. Where I can talk freely about my struggles, and receive a compassionate hug and a listening ear if needed. I recognize the difference because I also have “normal” male friendships were we get together to play games, and have for literal YEARS and DECADES, but I wouldn’t open up to them about my issues or expect them to bring those up to me.
I think one of the problems is guys don’t see the flaw. They don’t realize they need friends they can be vulnerable with. They think the real answer is that their public mask of power and control needs to be more real, and more respected. You’ll always feel alone if you never take that mask off.
Personally (in our late 30s) I host and hug and tell me male friends I love them. We don’t fit that stereotype of men not sharing feelings or bonding. We do the best we can. I still feel pretty lonely and haven’t tired to date in years though just due to feeling like there’s nobody I’m really that compatible romantically/sexually. I think the very fabric of our world has become more focused on supporting an independent sense of freedom and security rather than the strengths of community or pair-bonding.
I’m 40 and married, and something I see very commonly in my demographic is when a man and a woman are together for a long time, it seems to end up becoming the woman’s “responsibility” to maintain the relationships on behalf of the family unit. The women are typically the ones who make plans to get together; they’re the ones who remember birthdays and special events and who reach out on those days and get gifts and cards *or* have to remind their partner to do so; the women seem to carry the emotional weight of all of the family/friend relationships and if they decide not to do so the men’s friendships dissipate because the guys simply do not reach out to each other.
I am not saying that this is how it should be or that this is universally the case; it’s just what I see in the people around me and in my own relationship. My husband’s friendships petered out when I decided I’d had enough of facilitating them and stopped making plans with his friends. And I see the same thing happening to friends and acquaintances.
Man checking in here. We βbondβ via the shared experiences that others mentions, and that helps to varying degrees.
But when shit gets real, we are lucky to have 1-3 male friends who will talk about life. Two of the men in my wedding made trips across the country to spend time with me when they went through their own divorces. They didnβt have other people in their lives that they felt comfortable talking about such topics. We talked in ways we never had. Since then we donβt open up a whole lot more about the real stuff but we know itβs an open line. Yet still we donβt use it unless our worlds are broken.
ETA: the lack of regular communication about emotions and struggles is a major problem
There’s a male loneliness epidemic because even though women are also experiencing the same rates of loneliness, men take out their misery on other people.
One thing to consider is that society used to be set up so it would constantly demand women be connected to men in some way, and then demand those women do all sorts of free labour for those men, including emotional and social labour. Through being property of their fathers and brothers, and then their husbands, not only having to cook and clean for them, but play motherly, sisterly, daughterly and wifely roles by being their free therapists and social coordinators. Women had much difficulty having an identity outside of men when their names were always tied to their relationships with them in the form of being “Miss {father’s surname}” or Mrs {husband’s last name}. Women had great difficulty in having financial freedom in being very limited in the choice of work or even opening a bank account, do they had to rely on and maintain relationships with men to get anywhere in life.
Now we are free to form our own paths, have our own identities free from men completely if we like, have financial freedom, and not be free therapists or punching bags for anybody. *This results in men having to actually be likeable to have and maintain relationships now.* Our relationships are no longer mandated by society. Obviously this can bleed into women’s relationships too – noone wants to be friends with awful people in general but, so many men are being left “lonely” because they grew up being told in all kinds of subtle and not so subtle ways that they could take relationships, especially with women as their therapists who facilitate the kind of deep connections they crave so much, for granted and are now shocked at having to put any effort into being the kind of people other people, especially women, want to be around.
Men.
Toxic masculinity and the rise of people like Andrew tate and that mindset. The hyper masculine stoic misogynistic personality is unironically causing the loneliness that they try to prevent with this behavior
I work in a teenage mental health ward and we were having a similar conversation the other day. One observation weβve made is that eating disorders in girls and incel ideology in boys tend to start in very similar ways, with teenage body dysmorphia and self-hatred. But in girls, it gets internalised, and in boys, it gets externalised and blamed on society. Itβs ingrained in girls to be social from very young age, while in boys the feelings manifest as social exclusion.
Patriarchy