#FamilyDrama #FinancialStruggles #RestaurantExpenses #InLawsConflict #BudgetingStruggles #CommunicationBreakdown
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your in-laws make plans without considering your financial situation? It can be frustrating and overwhelming, especially when it involves a pricey restaurant meal that you simply cannot afford. But fear not, you are not alone in this dilemma. Many individuals face similar challenges when it comes to dealing with family members who prioritize extravagance over practicality.
##The Problem: Feeling Pressured to Contribute to an Expensive Restaurant Meal
My father-in-law’s birthday is approaching, and my partner received a message from his sister informing us that she and our mother-in-law have already booked a fancy restaurant for the celebration. Not only were we not consulted about our budget or preferences, but the restaurant’s prices are exorbitant. With a fixed menu costing around $120AUD per person, plus expensive drink packages, the total bill could easily skyrocket beyond what we can afford.
We raised our concerns with my partner’s sister, explaining our financial constraints due to unexpected bills and a limited income. However, she dismissed our worries, insisting that we figure something out because the reservation has been made. Despite expressing our inability to contribute financially, we were met with resistance and told to simply make it work.
##Solutions: How to Handle the Situation with Sensitivity and Assertiveness
###1. Honest Communication
– Schedule a calm and private conversation with your in-laws to express your financial limitations and concerns regarding the expensive restaurant choice.
– Emphasize that it is not about avoiding the celebration but finding a more affordable alternative that aligns with your budget.
###2. Suggest Alternative Options
– Propose hosting a birthday gathering at your home or a budget-friendly restaurant that offers a la carte menu options.
– Highlight the importance of celebrating without straining your finances and suggest creative ways to make the occasion special within your means.
###3. Set Boundaries
– Clearly outline your boundaries and financial constraints to your family members, ensuring that they understand and respect your limitations.
– Avoid feeling guilty or obligated to conform to others’ expectations if it compromises your financial stability.
###4. Seek Support from Your Partner
– Unite with your partner in presenting a united front when addressing the situation with your in-laws, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing financial responsibility.
– Encourage open dialogue and mutual understanding within your relationship to navigate challenging family dynamics effectively.
In conclusion, facing pressure to contribute to an expensive restaurant meal for your in-laws’ celebration can be a daunting experience. Remember that prioritizing your financial well-being is vital, and advocating for your financial boundaries respectfully is perfectly reasonable. By fostering honest communication, suggesting alternative options, setting clear boundaries, and seeking support from your partner, you can navigate this challenging situation with confidence and assertiveness. Stay true to your financial values and prioritize your financial health above external expectations, even within family dynamics.
NTA. Tell them you won’t be joining them as you cannot afford it. That is it. No further conversation. Send a nice card to FIL and in the card tell him you want to have him and MIL over for dinner. If he asks about the dinner, tell him you couldn’t afford the restaurant and were not given any opportunity to provide input before the party was organized.
Nothing to be rude about or ashamed of. It is what it is.
NTA. Don’t go. Drop off a small gift for fil earlier in the week or day of and congratulate him then. Turn off your phone when the day of reservations
NTA
Dont go. Take FIL for coffee or something small next day.
YWNBTA. If you get the drinks package that’s $300 for the 2 of you, more than our weekly groceries for our family of 4 (also Aussie). Text them both as someone else mentioned so you have time stamps that this is well out of your budget, as you have previously discussed, and that you will not be in attendance. (if you are willing) offer to meet at their place afterwards for cake instead.
1. Send a message: Unfortunately our current economic situation doesn’t allow for expensive meals out. We are saddened that we will not be able to join you.
2. Take FIL out to an inexpensive lunch or bring him over and cook his favorite food. Give him a thoughtful inexpensive gift.
3. If you aren’t there you’re not obligated to pay.
NTA – his sister and mother are selfish and insensitive.
Let ’em go.
Tell them that your solution to “working it out” was to stay home. Which should work out quite nicely.
NTA.
NTA. Politely decline the invitation. Wish your FIL a happy birthday in your own way.
NTA. I’d call the restaurant and change the booking to exclude you and your husband. And then just not show up. You’ve tried explaining you cannot afford to pay for this meal. If they don’t get that, just don’t go.
NTA
stop having those discussions. **SImply don’t go.**
Maybe do something else with FIL, on another day.
Why are you discussing it with them? Once you explain it isn’t in your budget, stop by with a gift and card and tell FIL you are so sorry that you are not going to be able to make it to the restaurant. End of discussion.
NTA.
1. Mail FIL a nice birthday card. Then Call or message him that “we cannot come to your celebratory dinner, hope you have a nice evening”. Say goodbye and hang up or shut phone.
2. Tell (message) your siblings and MIL that you CANNOT afford to contribute to this dinner and will NOT be there. Then block them on phone, text, delete emails without reading. Because there is nothing else to say or do, so why listen to their harangues?
As for the “deal with it” comment – you ARE dealing with in, being responsible and not spending funds you cannot afford. And graciously letting the inlaws know you are thinking of them.
The unreasonable ones are the ones who chose the restaurant without thinking about whether you could afford it. Go ahead and buy FIL a present and give it to him and politely decline the dinner invitation. NTA.
YWNBTA. If they won’t listen, write it down. Your husband needs to send them a note that says that “due to financial constraints – we are unable to attend.” Request in writing that they choose a more affordable restaurant. If they insist on the current plan, drop by to visit him early. Give him his gift and explain why you can’t go.
NTA – Take FIL out for breakfast instead 🙂
NTA if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. mom and sister are being ridiculous. You can’t just pull money out of your butt. I imagine they have both been financially comfortable for a while and do not know or remember what it is like to not have a ton of disposable income. Honestly I would just tell fil that you are sorry to miss his birthday celebration, but they are demanding it be held at a fine dining restaurant where the cost per person is well over $100 and you guys can’t afford it. Maybe offer to have him and mil over for dinner or something.
NTA.
Just don’t go.
If they’re mad, that’s their problem. You can’t magically make it so that you can afford it. As such, you just don’t go.
NTA, And don’t let anyone guilt trip you. Send them via text that you understand their persistence but you are unable to attend then don’t reply back to any protest. The day of, send him a text saying Happy Birthday! Hope you enjoy your celebration and apologize for being unable to make it. They have the right to go wherever they want but you have to take care of your own responsibilities and that is it.
Yeah. NTA. Don’t go. They can’t make you go. They made a decision and a consequence of the decision is that not everyone will be there. That’s on them.
Nta. Don’t go. No ine controls your day and what you spend your money on. Let them have their dinner .
Kindly say thank you for thinking g of us, however, we are going to decline the offer. Enjoy your evening and tap out! No argument. Just do t be pressured to spend money you don’t have on crap you don’t need to impress someone who probably would t like that idea of making g his son and dil suffer financially over a stupid dinner!
Can you just have a nice dinner with FIL? At a place you reach out to him and he suggests? Without SIL etc. cuz screw them. NTA
YWNBTA. This isn’t a matter of personal opinion, it’s the difference between essential costs and being cut off. You and your partner can do something else with his father for his birthday that’s far more in your budget.
The people who can afford it can go. You’re not going, that’s your “working something out”. Tell SIL to watch The One with Five Steaks and and Eggplant, which addresses exactly the financial disparity she’s ignoring.
NTA
” we have just been brushed off and told that we are going and too bad”
No. Not ok. They don’t have the courtesy to involve you in the discussion, they don’t call the shots about where you go.
“My partner is angry at his sister and thinks she is an inconsiderate AH.”
He’s right.
Maybe think about a nice gift within your budget for FIL or something the 3 of you could do to mark his birthday.
I may be way wide of the mark here, but I wonder if FIL would be really upset about the way you & your partner are being railroaded/treated if he knew what MIL & SIL are pulling here.
NTA. Your SIL is an inconsiderate and controlling AH who just tell you to suck it up and pay your share. You can just choose to not go.
> we are not allowed to mention where we are going to FIL
Yes you can. He probably cares more about having his son at dinner than which restaurant he eats at.
NTA – text both of them again with the same thing so that you have something to show your FIL when you tell him why you didn’t go
NTA. If you can’t afford it, don’t go.
They booked an expensive place, so I can understand them not wanting you to not contribute if you went, but they also need to accept that if you can’t afford to splurge on an expensive meal, they can’t make you, and if they wanted you there they should have been more considerate of your situation.
If uour FIL asks why you weren’t there, tell them exactly how your MIL and SIL went about the whole thing.
NTA! Even if you could easily afford it does not mean that this is how you would choose to spend your money. Stand firm on “NO!”. Plan something your FIL would enjoy that fits your budget. Your SIL and MIL made the plans without you. They can go without you. How you respond to this will set the tone for the future, so make sure that your spine is pure titanium. Good luck!
NTA for being honest about your financial situation and constraints. Since FIL doesn’t even know about this plan, it wouldn’t be problematic to change it. If the rest of the family insists on going to a venue you can’t afford, they should either accept that you won’t/can’t attend, or help to pay for your share.
NTA. If you cannot afford to go either they pay or you bow out. No one has the right to tell you how to spend your money especially when they know your current circumstances. Buy FIL a nice gift instead